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VladMamu
May 31, 2005, 07:54 PM
Hi, the topic is interracial marriages. :great:

Why do bengali, Indian, south asian, japanese girls like us white guys so much? Why do us white guys get sick and tired of our feminist controlling white girls? I respect her incredibly for her bangali beauty, and she is more than willing to please her white guy, whom appreciates and cherishes everything about her.

I don't know what else to say, I guess I want to know how bengali's really feel about interracial marriages. On the surface her whole family is very accepting, and her family friends too. They came to the traditional wedding and we had a ball. But in this anonymous setting, we can be honest. I guess we're both curious, at the rik that we may not like what we hear.

could it just be proximity? we live near each other so we get to know each other? Could it be a new trend in the western world? There's approximately 6 million interracial couples in north america.

Some historians say us whites came from india long time ago, and migrated up to europe. sanscrip is the origin of our alphabet.

Maybe I've come home.....

Anyway, I love Canada, we're all from somewhere, and we live together in peace.......love it.....I was born in europe myself and came here when i was sever.

Khoda Hafez
Good bye
Naschledanou

Rubu
May 31, 2005, 08:02 PM
U know, my post is not about inter racial marriage. but your post made me worried about one thing and thats why i'm writing it.

See all those white girls are already in need of husbands desperately. What they go through to get a husband is quite funny and sad at the same time. from stealing someone's else's bf to fighting with another girl the list goes on and on. now, if, to make things worse, white guys start marrying Bengali girls, what will happen to those poor white girls :-/

mwrkhan
May 31, 2005, 08:04 PM
Why Agent? You can help out by marrying one yourself. ;)

mwrkhan
May 31, 2005, 08:18 PM
Most of our women are socially conditioned from a very early age to accept that their lot in life is to "marry well", regardless of her brains or talents if a girl does not "marry well" she is looked down upon and in extreme cases, socially ostracised. Consequently, the dynamic that is fostered between men and women is one of abeisance on part of the girl. They tend not to mind by and large, they were raised that way (by their mothers).

Whiteguy, if you were black our women would probably not be attracted to you. Even if they were you would not have been accepted by her family. Eventhough we hate to admit it, thats the way it is.

VladMamu
May 31, 2005, 08:54 PM
agent cricket, they will marry the poor bengali guys silly,

VladMamu
May 31, 2005, 08:58 PM
mwrkhan: I appreciate your honesty. and this is very interesting material. I never thought of of that. My shalla's good friend has an asian girfriend, and sadly her family won't accept him, however his bengali parents are very open accepting and kind to her. racism is a sad thing in canada. I suspect that if I was a wealthy black man, and from a very well educated family, than it would be ok, wouldn't it? or is it really about the skin colour?

VladMamu
May 31, 2005, 09:12 PM
agent smith: you have a way with words, it is very funny how you wrote it. and sadly some of it is true, however, in bengali society and arranged marriages, there are many morals proken by many people, which end in all sorts of tragedies. maybe marrying more white girls might just do the trick, no?

mwrkhan
May 31, 2005, 09:13 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
I suspect that if I was a wealthy black man, and from a very well educated family, than it would be ok, wouldn't it? or is it really about the skin colour?

I am afraid it would not be ok. Unless the marriage would lead to immigration benefits, then it would be tolerated .... just.

Edited on, June 1, 2005, 2:18 AM GMT, by mwrkhan.

Faceoff
May 31, 2005, 09:37 PM
whiteguy,
just out of curiosity, how did u hear abt banglacricket.com?

desi_pride
May 31, 2005, 09:46 PM
Yeah how did you hear about banglacricket !


give him time to think he'l find out some lies soon ;)

Orpheus
May 31, 2005, 10:08 PM
mwrkhan - what the hell are you talking about?? Speak for youself alright. However you feel isn't necessarily what all Bengalis go by.

immigration benefits.. ajaira!!!

tiger_man
May 31, 2005, 10:52 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
mwrkhan - what the hell are you talking about?? Speak for youself alright. However you feel isn't necessarily what all Bengalis go by.

immigration benefits.. ajaira!!!

mwrkhan is right.....not necessarily all but MOST of them just do it for a green card or permanent resident.....

my auntie for example....although she married a green card bangladeshi....

my sis in law's auntie, married this aussie bloke to get a PR in australia....

some years ago, on my way to australia, this bengali girl in malaysian airport was openly telling my mom (in bangla ofcourse) that she married her husband (caucasian aussie standing right next to her) for citizenship......

same goes for a couple of relatives and ppls i am acquinted.....

sad but thats the truth....one thing, if its not for a green card or PR whatever you call it, it makes more sense to get married to someone of the same background heritage, and avoid cultural clash

tiger_man
May 31, 2005, 10:57 PM
sadly many of us has this lack of tolerance towards ppl who are black or even darker than us.....although we tend to hide this instinct, but it is what makes us discriminate ppl darker than us....

mwrkhan
May 31, 2005, 11:02 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
mwrkhan - what the hell are you talking about?? Speak for youself alright. However you feel isn't necessarily what all Bengalis go by.

immigration benefits.. ajaira!!!

Don't be so defensive my young friend. Marrying people for immigration benefits is pretty lame. You will be astounded to see the length we desis go to obtain residency in foreign countries. My own aunt went to NY posing as the wife of another man!!! (who had residency). I cannot begin to tell you of how many desi guys I know of who have temporarily married strippers to obtain US residency.

It is a sad and ugly topic and I really don't wish to elaborate further.

I am not married btw :)

mwrkhan
May 31, 2005, 11:05 PM
Ekta Bot gaachero jodi green card thake tahole amader deshe take bier shomoe pradhanno deya hobe. Eitai korun shotto.

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 12:06 AM
I found the site by searching google for the partition of bengal in 1905, because I was doing homework on my course on India. I'm taking moghuls to independence. I am majoring in Psych, but minoring in Middle East History. As I was looking for stuff, somehome I came across the website, and i spotted "I'm tired of desi girls marrying white guys." Naturally I investigated and joined. I have never been part of a site like this, and wonder if there is a Czech one, as I was born in Czech Republic. so that's how i came here.

Also, as to marrying your own culture, which is what I had to explain to her family after dating for awhile, my "fiance then" and I have more in common growing up here in Canada than her in Bangladesh and me in Czech Republic. As if she'd get along with some bengali guy. or me with a czech girl, it's very different there too. she grew up here, with 80% of influence being tv, school, friends. immigrant parents don't like to admit it, but there kids, whom are growing up here, are "western" and they have little influence over that. either they fight, and may loose there kids, or accept where they live, ............a multicultural multi ethnic western society.......

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 12:11 AM
I have to say though, after a lot of fuss, once they accepted me, it's truly like i'm one of the family. And I really love that about her family. They make me feel Bengali. It's great stuff... we're all learning about each other.

as to the green card. czech republic was very poor, but now under democracy it's doing better, but many girls married for green cards, and russia too, it's not just bengladesh, i wouldn't be embarressed about that, each to his own. maybe some of those marriages even work out, who knows???
I guy marrying a girl whom will marry him only for the green card and who knows that, perhaps isn't that attractive, or maybe he has money, but isn't socially adept, maybe they both give each other something. who are we to judge???

mwrkhan
June 1, 2005, 12:17 AM
Unfortunately, many first generation sub-continental immigrants are quite happy to move to the west to enjoy its economic opportunities but draw the line at cultural assimilation. Their children are the worst sufferers. They grow up in the west, go to school in the west and have a western outlook on everything but are expected to lead a "desi" life. This is especially true when it comes to marriage and relations with the opposite sex. Whereas boys can get away with a lot of things, woe betide you if you are a girl!! Regrettably I have seen many instances where this friction has led to tragedy. Excessive cultural baggage can be a dangerous thing. What many desi parents don't realize is that their children have to function in the society they live in when they, the parents, are gone. An odd upbringing - western outside the house, traditional inside - sometimes produces social misfits.

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 12:29 AM
wow, you must be a psychologist. you really summed it up amazingly! You have incredibly insight. I have to say that even immigrants whom come from Czech Republic, as I have, have many struggles assimilating. A strick communist country for instance believes that it starts with the gov't. than the gov't tells the family what to do. in the family the father is the figure to listen to. the fater listens to his boss at work. the boss has hiss communist boss. there are many movies on the the centralization, which has gone throught the core of the czechs, to obey obey and obey, kids of parents, wife of husband, husband of boss, and so on. even movies must be on the topic of communism somehow stressing obeyance. It's hard to explain the culture, but the sum it up, everything comes from the top. If a son, or daughter in canada, differes in opinion with his higher ups "parents" they are being disrespectful. anyway, lots of social misfits in the czech, polish, russian, and other communities, but somehow it's hidden because they are white, and it's hidden in the mainstream.

mwrkhan
June 1, 2005, 12:36 AM
Speaking of the Czech republic I knew a girl from there once. Her name was Luba Habodaszova. She taught at a US university for a while but eventually went back home. Don't know what became of her.

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 02:45 AM
That is certainly a Czech Name. What did you study in University?

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 03:11 AM
Also you said that desi girls wouldn't be attracted to black guys, but that is not true. I know this becuase one of my wife's former x's was black, however, you are probably right about the fact that the parents may not have accepted his family. But certainly I see that this is only limited to one or two generations, as the kids growing up here, will date anyone from any race that appeals to them. What's interesting is studying Bengal history now, makes me realize how the British really messed things up there. It makes me realize where some of the hatred of the "whites" or "westerners" comes from. Bengal was the riches area in the continent supplying quality cloths to all of india, japan, china, large part of the world. It's economy was wiped out by the british, for various reasons, and bengal divided, which cause various problems, i can go on for pages......and to mobilize the masses, religion was used, since it was the key to quick mobilization. Anyway, I understand, as a guy, whose family lived under the domination of the Russian Empire, and had attrocities happen within my own family. I understand INdependence of 1971, as a guy whom had a grandfather in concentration camps whom was trying to rid of the nazzis by providing food from his food stores to the rebels. I understand the bengali's hatred toward western things, muslim hatred toward the landlord hindus, in the 30'd, and even the pakistani issue......wow, like the germans, in ww2.
I have to say, what's great about canada, is that my fellow neighbor could be german, and it's ok. we're all here for a better life and education, and some of us elevate to learn about all peoples, and see things for how they really are.
I guess my own insight, which I credit with growing up in multicultural Canada, leads me to see all equal, and allowed me to date many women, and find my sould mate, whom happened to be Bengali. (I do talk to much don't I, I have to go study)

RazabQ
June 1, 2005, 03:56 AM
Interesting thread.

MWRKhan, your statement re Bangali girl's mindset about marrying is way too sweeping, in my opinion, and in the opinion of my (Bangladeshi) wife, whom I just showed this thread. Maybe I am lucky or something, but a good 50-60% of the BD women of my age or younger I have come accross here or back home are pretty driven - as witnessed by their higher success rates in Metrics or O&A Levels - and while they want to have a nice husband, the motivation is simply one of finding love.

Whiteguy, I think you have pretty cool in-laws. Many BD parents and family members would not be accepting of marrying outside the desi circle. The reason is a mixture of cultural and religous clashes.

It's little things. For instance, most Bangladeshis use a lota/bodna when they go to the restrooms. It is an integral part of Muslim, nay Bangladeshi concept of hygiene. Now how does a BD guy/gir explain this to a non-deshi bf or g/f? I ask because this actually happened to me.

I could go on - e.g. how to request to your partner to do kodombuchi (touching elder's feet as a sign of respect), or explain the special anticipation for korbani's bhuna gost (beef curry slow cooked till it's almost dry) or what faith the kids should be brought up in, or what is it about chal chal chal (a Nazrul song) that gets the blood going.


These are just some example of the myriad of differences that can crop up. True love can overcome them all, but often as a result, the family can get disappointed.

As to why white/western guys might be more appealing to a BD girl, the 1st reason I can think of is our white-washed concept of physical beauty. Thanks to centuries of lighter toned invaders (starting with the Aryans on the Dravidru's, the Brits and their Raj, and now Hollywoods cultural onslaugh), many deshi's (male and female) concept of beauty is tied to fairer skin tone. If you are light skinned then you are considered better looking. As a white guy, you are certainly "lighter" skinned :)

Next reason could be the chauvinistic attitude of some deshi guys. While I'd say most of the women I know have evolved a sense of feminism, many male Bangladeshi friends of mine on the other hand, still have rather old concepts of man/woman relationships. Again, as a Westerner you _may_ have an advantage on that front.

Having said all this, I personally like BD girls to marry us - but that's for purely selfish reasons - somebody has to marry us deshi guys :)

mwrkhan
June 1, 2005, 04:39 AM
Originally posted by razabq
Interesting thread.

MWRKhan, your statement re Bangali girl's mindset about marrying is way too sweeping, in my opinion, and in the opinion of my (Bangladeshi) wife, whom I just showed this thread. Maybe I am lucky or something, but a good 50-60% of the BD women of my age or younger I have come accross here or back home are pretty driven - as witnessed by their higher success rates in Metrics or O&A Levels - and while they want to have a nice husband, the motivation is simply one of finding love.

There is a sample selection bias here - 50-60% of BD women you have come across - well, about the same percentage of women I have come across also hold similar views i.e. they wish to marry someone they love. The women we come across in our daily lives tend to be smart, knowledgable and contemporary. My statement alluded to the totality of BD women. While my observation is not scientific (it's not based on surveys but rather on seeing, listening, reading and experience) I don't think I am far off the mark.



Edited on, June 1, 2005, 10:10 AM GMT, by mwrkhan.

Faceoff
June 1, 2005, 08:46 AM
whiteguy,
how did u handle the religion issues or was there any?

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 01:45 PM
faceoff: The religions issue: When I met my wife, immediately we had some special bond and decided to be with each other. She, as a Muslim bangladesh girl, who grew up in Canada, told me that no one will accept us and she will have to run away, which she was prepared to do.
I told her that that is ok, but we should at least give her parents a chance to accept it. I said the worst that will happen is they won't accept it, maybe they will beat me a little while throwing me out of the house after you introduce me, and will never come back.
However, I realize that the importance of family is great, and one day when we have children, they will be curious about both cultures, and countries, Bangladesh and Czech, both religions, Muslim and Roman Catholic, and hence, I think that family involvement is important, if it could be that way.
Since growing up in Canada has made me more of a spiritualist, and since I see douzens of different religions represented just in my own university, and douzens of races just in my own city and school, I see religion as a vehicle to God. As one good Sikh friend of mine explained it to me: He said, pertend the gym here is God. Pertend all the roads that lead to this gym are different religions. All these religions are just different pathways to God.
Hence, I have no problem to converting to any religion. I have a copy of the Koran in English, and I started reading a few pages, and told my wife that I would convert to make her family happy. I told her to tell her parents that.
Anyway, I ended up meeting them, and they were really very nice and didn't throw me out of the house, nor beat me up or kill me. lol. (as I suspect could happen).
In the end, they decided that they were not going to make me convert to Muslim, as they are moderate Muslims, and thought it not necessary. They wanted, however, me to marry their daughter immediately, as the Bangladesh community had many bad things to say about her family. There was some friction, since they worried that maybe I wouldn't marrry her, (I was waiting for finsihing two semesters in school) and of course the concept of a dauther sleeping with someone unmarriead was horrible. Which i understand in an arranged marriage, however, in western culture, psychologist, recommend that young men and women sleep with 20 partenrs, (over several years) before they marry (with protection of course) till they find the right partner. If it's not arranged, you need to click in that way too, cause it's very important in a love marriage.

Anyway, long story short, she bad, till she marry, than her actions kind of sanctioned.

I also printed douzens of pages of information to her parents about 1000's of Catholic and Muslim marriages, in other countries like Egypt, and information about the Muslim faith in that a Muslim man can marry a christian women, yet vice versa is not allowed, and how the koran states that it's infidels that a muslim man can't marry, so hence, a muslim woman should be able to marry a christion/catholic man, if a muslim man can marry a christion/catholic women, or neither should be allowed.
My university was near their house, I stopped by often, and always dropped some info off to her parents, (by the way my wifes younger bhai, was like a canadian guy, he grew up here, he didn't care and accepted me immediately)
Anyway, in the end, the Imam didn't come to the ceremony, however, 80 people did, 50 from her family, and we did the whole traditional wedding without the imam, and we marriaged by a commissioner 2 weeks before with just my parents and hers. but we did the whole talud, and all the white girls in my family wore, saris, and i wore the gupta pajama, and a head gear, it was fascinating, many colours, 3 cameras, lots of film, and lots of fun. Bengali weddings are truly amazing. Although my Papa said that there are 500 people at weddings in Bangladesh. Wow, that's a lot of sweets from everyone. Lots of great gifts, and really REALLY freindly people. Once they saw our effort i think, they really all went out to accept it, and my wife still has here side of the family and can visit them, and we will have grandkids to visit. (Sadly, some women run away, they don't have enlightened white or asion or black gusy, and it doesn't turn out so well for them. i think it's harder on the marriages also, without the family. so everyone should at least give the potential parents in law a chance, despite what they think will happen, cause in the end, most love their dauthters and want the best for them)
That is how we handled the religious issue.

Faceoff
June 1, 2005, 02:28 PM
Thanks for sharing your story. Now the question is how much you like cricket or do u even know what it is?

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 02:50 PM
Your welcome. I do not know cricket, but I will read up on it. My brother-in-law said it is a national sport in bangladesh, so I certainly must learn what its about before my wife and I go to Bangladesh.

mahbubH
June 1, 2005, 02:59 PM
>> My brother-in-law said it is a national sport in bangladesh
Better learn "Kabadi" which is actually the national game of Bangladesh.

Faceoff
June 1, 2005, 03:08 PM
white guy,
d u know the difference between bengali wife and bangladeshi wife?

Orpheus
June 1, 2005, 03:20 PM
Originally posted by faceoff
white guy,
d u know the difference between bengali wife and bangladeshi wife?

oh no!!

Lemme try:

A bengali wife is one who cooks and cleans for you.
A bangladeshi wife is one who YOu cook and clean for.

hope that helps.

A bengali wife = House wife
Bangladeshi wife = Dojjal Beti


Yes too many comments out of ppl pacha on this thread. Bye

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 05:47 PM
Orpehus: I take it that you have a mean wife at home, whome is bangladeshi, no? ......I'm sorry.....

faceoff: My guess would be that I Bengal wife would be one of the Bengal region, be it Bangladesh or India. However, a Bangladeshi wife would be a wife from Bangladesh, even though, she may not be Bengal. Is that right? or is them something else to it?

VladMamu
June 1, 2005, 05:53 PM
sportsfanbd: Well i looked it up. Kabadi or formerly called ha-du-du. Very interesting. I think smokers would have a really hard time with that one, holding their breath. The game of rural bengal. considering my inlaws are from rural areas, although near dhaka, i'd better learn the sport....but how does one know that you are truly holding your breath?

crickwizard
June 1, 2005, 06:42 PM
Except some bangal gals i know say they are attracted to darker skin boys for the power of their organ, they think the darker a man is stranger his p is... so may different agenda, sigh!!!:ninja:

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 01:50 PM
crickwizard:
I truly believe that for those of us (boys and girls) who grew up in a multicultural society, we don't see colour. We just don't, cause it's been bread into us from elementary school. It's more a recognization if immigrant verses grew up or born here, accent verses no accent.
As to the p.... as a psych major i can say, that the average is similar statistically for all races, it's a myth about black men. at the top end of the stats there is some change in size, from asians to whites to browns to blacks. However, if you take 75 percent of the mainstrain males, it's the same. and if you are wondering average is 5 inches for all males. I hope i'm not breakeing the cricket rules here talking about p..izza.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 01:53 PM
p.s. videos of p...izza are not the norm.

TigerFan_1
June 2, 2005, 01:54 PM
oi ahammok whiteguy...tor life shommondhe jan te chai na.....what is making you talk about your experience which is ofcourse sex with the girl here? What the hell are u trying to prove? This is cricket forum and you haven't contributed anything here about cricket all about how your bangi girl loves you

TigerFan_1
June 2, 2005, 01:55 PM
can someone translate this ahammok what I just said?

Carte Blanche
June 2, 2005, 02:13 PM
Tigerfan_1 it is the forget cricket section. Zip it schmuck.

reinausagi
June 2, 2005, 02:51 PM
Wow. Interesting topic. I'm married to a very nice 'white-guy'. I'm not particulary 'attracted' to 'white-guys' in general, just this one. He's funny, intelligent, sensitive, spontaneous and respectful. He was respectful enough to fly to Dhaka and ask for my hand in marriage from Dad. It wasn't necessarily a deal breaker, but he knew it was important to me that he get the permission from the only man I blindly loved, revered and idolised.

It took him three tries. (The first two times him being saved from a thrashing by the fact that our old, burly balishi chowkidar positioned himself between my father and fiance.) Took the intense intervention of my mother to melt my father's resistance over the years.

On the western Psychologist's suggestion that people have sex with 20 people before settling down... What can I say? There are idiots born to every culture.

mwrkhan
June 2, 2005, 02:58 PM
Originally posted by reinausagi
On the western Psychologist's suggestion that people have sex with 20 people before settling down... What can I say? There are idiots born to every culture.

Can't hurt to try out the hypothesis I suppose. ;)

reinausagi
June 2, 2005, 03:04 PM
Can't hurt to try out the hypothesis I suppose.


You guys go right ahead. This Bangladeshi girl is a one man woman.:lol:

Ehsan
June 2, 2005, 03:20 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
Hi, the topic is interracial marriages. :great:

Why do bengali, Indian, south asian, japanese girls like us white guys so much?

Interesting. But this is your misconception that south asian girls like the white guys better. Any desi girl would prefer a desi guy anytime over a white guy. Trust me there are tons of south asian girls who hate white guys!

Anyways, congratulations on finding your soul mate, may you guys live happily togehter here and here after. :)

RazabQ
June 2, 2005, 03:28 PM
Originally posted by ehsan
[ this is your misconception that south asian girls like the white guys better. Any desi girl would prefer a desi guy anytime over a white guy. Trust me there are tons of south asian girls who hate white guys!


Perhaps hate is too strong a word? Strongly prefer maybe? My experience is that for various cultural and family reasons, deshi girls prefer a deshi husband. However that sure doesn't stop them from checking out white and lation guys and finding them hot :)

MWRKhan, I did consider the sample bias factor, but when I say encountered at home, I meant everyone from the buas and maids (I tend to call them bhais and apas if they are older) to the employees at my cousin's garments factory, to the random woman selling flowers at the street corner. I'm a chatty person, so my conversations on matter related to matrimony are not confined to just those of my "class". (Disclaimer - I hate, yes hate any class-division).

mwrkhan
June 2, 2005, 03:39 PM
Originally posted by razabq
... my conversations on matter related to matrimony are not confined to just those of my "class". (Disclaimer - I hate, yes hate any class-division).

It's not so bad. Just strive to become a member of the ruling class. As my intellectual guru Mel Brooks so assiduously put it ..."It's good to be King".

Ps: I think you've spent too much time at Berkeley.

Disclaimer - I am not a member of any ruling class. :(

Ehsan
June 2, 2005, 03:40 PM
Originally posted by razabq


Perhaps hate is too strong a word? Strongly prefer maybe? My experience is that for various cultural and family reasons, deshi girls prefer a deshi husband. However that sure doesn't stop them from checking out white and lation guys and finding them hot :)



You may be right about hate being strong word for "tons" but its definitely true for some. Its not just because of cultural or family reasons, its their preference. About being "hot", I sincerely would like to point out to you that there are many white guys who are not so "hot" and at the same time you would also find many "hot" south asian guys.

Not trying to be racist here, but trying to tell you guys its about preference and likeness. Whiteguy's wife fell in love with him and thats the end of the story. Its not about south asian guys being not "hot", I would never take that!

AbedinC
June 2, 2005, 03:48 PM
Originally posted by TigerFan_1
can someone translate this ahammok what I just said?

dont be petty. the guy's providing you with an insight to a part of life that you probably arent' aware of, specially for expat Bangladeshis.

Zunaid
June 2, 2005, 03:50 PM
White, brown, black, pink, yellow, hot, cold is irrelevant here.... If two people are compatible (be it socially, ethnically, by virtual of religion what not) and love each other... the rest is moot

I am the reverse of whiteguy - a brown guy married to a smart, lovely and caring white woman. We will be celebrating our 10th anniversary this December.

My mom, bless her soul, claims she loves my wife more than she does me.

We were actually married in Dhaka - we went through the whole thing - gae halud, boou bhat, akht and what not.

Who you make your life partner is based on your personal choices - do not attribute this to generalizations that are either borne out of latent (and sometime overt) racism or perhaps a sense of inferiority.

cue: Lennon's imagine here

Zunaid
June 2, 2005, 03:51 PM
Originally posted by TigerFan_1
can someone translate this ahammok what I just said?

Mod: Strike 1 and counting

al
June 2, 2005, 03:51 PM
wow. congrats zunaid on your 10th as you stated

Beamer
June 2, 2005, 03:57 PM
Nicely put Zunaid. I am another of those brown guys married to an Asian-American. We love our everyday together.

I actually find some of whiteguys remarks offensive, though I don't doubt his sincerity and believe that he has no malice associated with.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:05 PM
Zunaid: John Lennon is my favorite singer. He is an incredible man! ........and married for true love.

Where are you from Zunaid? Do you live in Canada by any chance?

We should start a Bengali Interracial Group "BIG" lol.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:07 PM
beamer: certainly don't have any malice associated....and sometimes, one must remember, the quick written word, can be misunderstood, compared to person to person conversations, and meanings skewed and reversed. thanks for the benefit of the doubt!

Zunaid
June 2, 2005, 04:10 PM
whiteguy - not a Canadian; I call Sunny Diego home.

However, if you notice some handsone/beautiful and mixed Kazis in Toronto and Nova Scotia, they be my cousins

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:11 PM
and yes zunaid, I too congratulate you on your tenth anniversary. Do you guys have any children?

Dawah
June 2, 2005, 04:19 PM
As long as whiteguy is non-Muslim, I will keep feeling sorry for the Bangali Muslim "wife" of his.


Edited on, June 2, 2005, 9:20 PM GMT, by dawah.tabligh.

mwrkhan
June 2, 2005, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by dawah.tabligh
As long as whiteguy is non-Muslim, I will keep feeling sorry for the Bangali Muslim "wife" of his.


Edited on, June 2, 2005, 9:20 PM GMT, by dawah.tabligh.

I'm sorry, but this is a bigoted statement. Religious self righteousness is unhealthy. I hope no one has to suffer because of it. I for one would never wish to associate myself with a "muslim" holding these kinds of views.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:32 PM
reinausagi: wow, maybe you can join our BIG organization too. congratulations: It's nice to see we're not that rare!

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:35 PM
to anyone: I've never done this bulleton forum thing before. How do I reply, while highlighting the quote?

mwrkhan
June 2, 2005, 04:38 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
to anyone: I've never done this bulleton forum thing before. How do I reply, while highlighting the quote?

Click on the quote button. Compose your reply and hit "Post Reply".

Edited on, June 2, 2005, 9:39 PM GMT, by mwrkhan.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:41 PM
some people say too much education can make us dummer. ....maybe they are right today... where is the quote button. I see profile, posts, u2u, new topic, new poll, post reply.

Zunaid
June 2, 2005, 04:43 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
some people say too much education can make us dummer. ....maybe they are right today... where is the quote button. I see profile, posts, u2u, new topic, new poll, post reply.

Look above.... not below....

Get out of the gutter :)

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by Zunaid
Originally posted by whiteguy
some people say too much education can make us dummer. ....maybe they are right today... where is the quote button. I see profile, posts, u2u, new topic, new poll, post reply.

Look above.... not below....

Get out of the gutter :)

I think I got it.

RazabQ
June 2, 2005, 04:47 PM
Originally posted by mwrkhan
Originally posted by razabq
... my conversations on matter related to matrimony are not confined to just those of my "class". (Disclaimer - I hate, yes hate any class-division).

Ps: I think you've spent too much time at Berkeley.

actually I cam to berkeley cuz I felt that way already. But lest I be labelled some sort of granola munching tree hugger I also worked at Walmart.com this past summer ... Now go crazy with the labels.

Originally posted by mwrkhan
Disclaimer - I am not a member of any ruling class. :(
What? You mean you read the Telegraph, listen to fat men and women burst out their lungs on the record player and vote for Conservatives while being a downtrodden class?
Tsk Tsk ts :) Now back to my Trader Joes Granola mix. It's yummy :)

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 05:05 PM
I knew about reina but Zunaid - hmmm interesting!!!

Just out of curiosity... around what age did you guys find/marry your mate? BOth of you!!! I am guessing both of you were 30+ w/ reina probably in late late twenties :)

I think the 20 yrs old (my age group) have other agendas when it comes to dating desis or chinese girls.

It just pisses me off when I see our innocent girls falling in the hands of the evil white man..... And NO those white men are not like the Bend it like Beckham coach.

anyways, maybe I am observing the wrong crowd. Pot smokers shob.

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 05:06 PM
by the way whiteguy avg is 6.1! and all these time you thought you made the average. tsk tsk!!

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:14 PM
I'm sorry, but this is a bigoted statement. Religious self righteousness is unhealthy. I hope no one has to suffer because of it. I for one would never wish to associate myself with a "muslim" holding these kinds of views. [/quote

Although the Muslim religion has taken a thrashing, there are many religious self righteous christian biggets too. I was watching on CNN however, how a christian, catholic, jewish, muslim, spiritualist, and atheist leaders all came together to discuss their religion. It's nice to see that there is dialogue between all these groups on natianl tv now.

From what i have read in India hitory, it was a Muslim leader whom at one point tried really hard to get all the races in India to get along. Hindu, Muslim, British, Parsis, Jains etc. Sir Syed Ahmed Khan. The proudest day "india's long road to independence. he started the first college for muslims, (page 75) because "they were still at least 50 years behind Hindus in western education" and its the british whom excluded muslims from everything, the administration, the army, the free property hindus got. especially, in bengal, they were the worst off. so no wonder there are so many religious extremists whom are anti western. but if they took the time to see why they are anit-western in history, they might change there mind. It was syed ahmeds dream that all the races would get along, and he wanted to educate them and get them to trust the british so that the could be, as a minority protected from the majority hindus. he thought the british were good rulers, as india and bengal had been ruled by many corrupt and brutal dinasties, such as the mohgul emprire.
Ironically, the education of westrn ideas to the muslims, made the realize that they have been giped and ripped of by the british, and unfairly treated, so the reverse of what syed ahmed wanted to accomplish happened, and the muslims extremists, were led by the now western educated muslims.
moral of the story::: do not excludy any minorities, british really messed up by doing that.
and there was a division before the british came, it wasnt' there fault, but what was there fault is that they utilized the division.

It's really fascinating to study the history of this region, I wish to offend no one, and take in all information with scepticism, and question all historical records. We should never trust any one source, ever, and question everything.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
by the way whiteguy avg is 6.1! and all these time you thought you made the average. tsk tsk!!

your funny. lolol.

shaad
June 2, 2005, 05:20 PM
Toss in another Bangladeshi chap here (me) married to a Caucasian. And just to sate Orpheus' curiosity, I got married in my 30's.

- Shaad

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:20 PM
Originally posted by dawah.tabligh
As long as whiteguy is non-Muslim, I will keep feeling sorry for the Bangali Muslim "wife" of his.


Edited on, June 2, 2005, 9:20 PM GMT, by dawah.tabligh. the above was a reference to dawah tabligh

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:23 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
by the way whiteguy avg is 6.1! and all these time you thought you made the average. tsk tsk!! by the way, i happend to get very lucky in that department, but she swears it wasn't the reason she married me. i hope that true.:-/

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:24 PM
Originally posted by shaad
Toss in another Bangladeshi chap here (me) married to a Caucasian. And just to sate Orpheus' curiosity, I got married in my 30's.

- Shaad in my 30's too.

Hi Shaad.

Zunaid
June 2, 2005, 05:26 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
I knew about reina but Zunaid - hmmm interesting!!!


Hmm.. why the hmm.. Do I not fall into some neat category? :)


Just out of curiosity... around what age did you guys find/marry your mate? BOth of you!!! I am guessing both of you were 30+ w/ reina probably in late late twenties :)


Very prescient - yes 30+ pour moi. Care t elaborate on your thought process here?


It just pisses me off when I see our innocent girls falling in the hands of the evil white man..... And NO those white men are not like the Bend it like Beckham coach.


I guess the other side feels the same way when their innocent white girls fall into the hands of the evil brown man. :evilgrin:


anyways, maybe I am observing the wrong crowd. Pot smokers shob.

Who? The white guys? The innocent girls? Or the 20 somethings? ;)

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:31 PM
Who? The white guys? The innocent girls? Or the 20 somethings? ;) [/quote]

this is getting very funny.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 05:34 PM
Originally posted by shaad
Toss in another Bangladeshi chap here (me) married to a Caucasian. And just to sate Orpheus' curiosity, I got married in my 30's.

- Shaad I was only kidding, but maybe this will be possible. BIG Bangledeshi Interracial Group. :flag:

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 07:06 PM
Originally posted by Zunaid

Who? The white guys? The innocent girls? Or the 20 somethings? ;)

Yes, all of the above - it's the 20 something white guys with the innocent girls.

Everyone falls into some type of categories. No man is an island and everyman thinks they are (lol, am I using the term correctly?).

Eventhough - people these days tend to marry late, but I feel there are a lot of factors that play in choosing unconventional wives and husbands (sorry my English is bad). One of the major being age.

I don't want to elaborate on it -- hmmm - ah what the hell, I will say a little - who cares about interracial couple sentiment - truth must be told. They hurt me when such marriage took place. :(

Number of single women at their late twenties and early thirties are increasing day by day. These women tend to be the ones who go after their career and become too smart for their own good. Now this is the problem - she doesn't have a life partnar but she is old. Who would want her? Well if she is white, then the brown starbucks coffee guy whose morning starts by pouring her a cup of coffee everyday.

Now if she is brown, then the ugly white guy takes advantage knowing he will always be alone since his white wife just left him for another man.

It's like that movie, where even Tom HUNK develops a relationship with a brown coconut being all alone on the island. Even Tom couldn't be an island. tsk tsk!!

Ok it's OBVIOUSLY NOTHING like that!! I am just having fun. But I think we should note reina. She is not fond of white men but it's this one that just got her and I think it's perfect knowing she is an intelligent woman and mature enough to make the right decision.

What bothers me however is my future teenage shalis getting wasted. at max 6 months of relationship giving lonely and pimply whities time of their life. I don't support relationships that has no future and complications.

Facts:

-Early age relationship/marriages break apart faster.
-Interracial marriage got higher divorce rate.
-Interracial marriage has 30% higher stress than normal marriage
-etc etc!!


Last thing you want is a child having identity crisis!

anyways, I had hard time composing this post for some reason - hence too long :D

Bye

P.S. All my bengali brothers, your forsha wife doesn't make her a foreigner!!

..damn this post is too long!!!

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 12:06 AM GMT, by Orpheus.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by reinausagi
Wow. Interesting topic. I'm married to a very nice 'white-guy'.

On the western Psychologist's suggestion that people have sex with 20 people before settling down... What can I say? There are idiots born to every culture.

No, not 20 at once sweetie!!!!!! (just kidding) but seriously, most marriages occur in the late teens to early 30's now, due to education, jobs, etc. so if you start dating at 16 lets say, that's one every 6 months. After all, it's your fellow brothers (of the world) you are taking for a test drive. I know, this may be to extreme for some. Our christion religion forbids "testing the waters" also. Anyway, the source of that 20 statement was actually on the radio, by Dr. Joyce Brown on am 1410, whom gives relationship advice to young and old who call in. This is on the Pacific coast of Canada of course.

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 12:40 AM GMT, by Zunaid.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 08:02 PM
[quote]Originally posted by Orpheus
[quote]Originally posted by Zunaid


Facts:

-Early age relationship/marriages break apart faster.
-Interracial marriage got higher divorce rate.
-Interracial marriage has 30% higher stress than normal marriage
-etc etc!!
Those are facts. I just did two reports in my Psych classes on arranged marriages, and interracial couples. I used only peer riview journal articles. It means, not just any site off the net, but info, that has been statistically researched and prooven.
Facts:
1 in every 6 relationships in Vancouver Canada under the age of 20 is interracial.
There are not stats to proove that divorce rates are higher.
and how did you come up with the fact that stress is 30% higher? and what kind of stress? how did you measure it?
anyway, i often ponder why some brothers might fear dating human females of any kind.

Respectfully, could it be that since the dating lifestyle wasn't advocated at home, that one might not know exactly how to go about dating, or getting dates? Maybe this is the fear.

But I always thought guys from families where arranged marriages are common, are lucky. if they don't find a good gal by their 30's, they have arranged to fall back on, so really where's the fear? besides if it's that you might run out of desi girls, I'd argue that more desi boys marry white girls/asian girls than the other way around, so the odds are still in your favour.

Some stats i can tell you are that marraige is more likely to survive if one marries later (al least north america). Also, i have many mixed friends, and they call themselves Canadian. It's us first or 2nd generation immigrants and maybe there kids whom have identity issues.

Anyway, this site is addictive, and i can't seem to get off. So I must study from now on, and will post something in a few days.........unless i can't resist...........

anyway, you know the world is mixed up and upside down when the best rapper is a white guy, and the best golpher is a black guy. (well, black/asian actually)

but really, it's not mixed up at all. sancitoned interracial marriages is what gives each partner kind of a scoop or inside look into the other culture, and fosters understanding between people. I wouldn't be here having this discourse if it wasn't for my marrriage, but I feel an affinity for my bhai's by marriage. (well those wholl except me as such, please exclude yourselfves if you don't see me that way.)

ok, i said i'm gonna study. incidentally, that is what made me studdy indian history. and the essay i'm doing is on the partition of bengal. it makes me understand a lot of things, and now i have a better idea of why muslim extremeism happens.

I also, have a better idea why my white brothers have their own fears, and I try to explain to them, where my bengali brothers are coming from.

I'm only one guy, but there are 6 million interracial couples in America.

This all has an effect. I now see so much more than before, about south asia, and this is all a result of interractial marriage, which happened cause i fell in love with one of your sisters, whom is happy. and if you care about her, you would be happy for her.

I really have to stop, even in real life i don't shut up, lolol, my homework will burn.
:fire:
if i don't study.

and this course i wanna do well in, cause we willhave children, and i want them to understand bangladesh, and it's rich history, the czech culture, and the canadian. .....and about religion, they will decide what is best for them after thoroughly investigating, more than just one religion (as is the case now usually).

ok, good night, i'm turning this computer off.

:cool:

jabbar
June 2, 2005, 08:13 PM
Just to speak from second-hand experience, I know some friends of my dad's who married russian and polish girls during BD's era of fascination with communism. Most of them have had terrible marriages and divorced. In all cases, the men yearn for a Bangladeshi wife. One remarked: "I miss the sound of choori on a woman's wrists".

I think the choice of interracial marriage is entirely up to the individual. If the man/woman grew up in a western society and embrace everything (and I mean, everything) wetern society has to offer, then interracial marriage is OK. However, if you love you BD heritage and culture, I think you should go for your "own kind".

For me, I was born in Oz, am as aussie as I am bangladeshi, but I have a love for my BD culture and origin, so I married a BD girl who also grew up in a western society like me. Which brings me to my theory: I think people like myself who grew up in western society, but still hold their BD culture at home, should look for partner of similar upbringing. I think the understanding between each other is better if both have similar upbringings.

On the other hand, diversity is also good: opposites attract sometimes. Again, it is all up to the individual...

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 08:13 PM
yes this site is like ganja. Not surprised you like it :D

Thanks for that tear in my eyes!!

Just becuase you have widespread of such marriage do not make it right. More and more ppl are suffering from depression also, so I don't know if the way our society is being structured is the right direction

and that 30% came from an article I was reading!! Higher divorce rate is also fact. Mostly in couples with Black male.

Good night!

I also have to study a lot. Already 2 weeks behind. :)

reinausagi
June 2, 2005, 08:27 PM
Just out of curiosity... around what age did you guys find/marry your mate? BOth of you!!! I am guessing both of you were 30+ w/ reina probably in late late twenties


Twenty-six.

shaad
June 2, 2005, 08:29 PM
Let's talk about a few of your points, Orpheus, shall we? You say you are hurt when interracial marriages take place. And you appear to blame it largely on women pursuing their careers and becoming "too smart for their own good."

"Who would want her?" you even ask. I suppose it could come as a surprise to you, but there actually are a few of us males, both brown and white, who actually prefer intelligent women as our spouses.

You then talk about your future teenage shalis "getting wasted", apparently by having short relationships with white boys. But wouldn't they also "get wasted" if they had similar short, physical relationships with brown Bangladeshi boys? And if so, what does this have to do with interracial marriages or relationships?

Finally, you cite as a fact that interracial marriages have 30% higher stress than "normal" marriages. Note first your use of the word "normal", implying that interracial marriages are somehow abnormal. And I would certainly appreciate it if you could tell us (or cite a source telling us) how you arrived at that precise 30 per cent figure.

But I think what you miss here are the cases of interracial marriages where we marry the man or woman we do, because it is actually less stressful than marrying someone of our own ethnicity.

Let me elaborate, with the caveat that I am only speaking from my own personal experience. I found that most of the eligible Bengali women I met who lived in Bangladesh (as opposed to say, those who either lived here in the US or had come here for their studies) to have somewhat different expectations of married life than I did. They expected a rather relaxed and cossetted life with a husband who had a regular 9-to-5 job, one that would allow him to spend a considerable amount time with them, visiting other Bengali friends every weekend, taking trips to Dhaka every three or four months, etc. Now, my career involves academic research in rather a competitive field. Trying to conform to the expectations held by these women would have been far more stressful than finding and marrying someone who met my expectations. So the latter is what I did: I met and fell in love with a woman who looked at life the way I did. She just happened to be white.

Note that I am not saying that white women are better than Bengali women, or vice versa. I am merely suggesting that you should not generalize about interracial marriages when you aren't privy to all the facts, whether you are talking about the amount of stress in these relationships or the motivations behind them.

Regards.

- Shaad

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 08:34 PM
jabbar: you have a good head on your shoulders, you really explained it nicely. and I think you are right. Except as to the russian/polish bengali marriages, I think it was a different era, for bangladesh and for the communist countries. It's a very different era now, and i think the odds of it working out our much more in our favour (knock on wood)...

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 08:39 PM
Originally posted by reinausagi

Just out of curiosity... around what age did you guys find/marry your mate? BOth of you!!! I am guessing both of you were 30+ w/ reina probably in late late twenties


Twenty-six.

The real age.. NOt the passport one. Sorry!!

Nah but I think Reinausagi just obliterated all that defended me :(

anyways shaad, read your post, enjoyed it.. there are things that you picked up which were deliberate. Remember I am against this interracial thing.

and I don't agree with your claim that marrying a bangladeshi girl would have been more stressful. I know plenty and I mean plenty of girls coming from Bangladesh and supporting the family by working as well.. they might have expectation to visit twice annually but they do change according to the situation. They are more flexible I FEEL

as for your source.. give me two mins if I can find it!!

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 08:41 PM
There are currently more than 2 million interracial marriages,
accounting for about 5% of all marriages in the United States.
Black/white marriages account for approximately half a million.
Individuals in mixed marriages are likely to have a 30% higher
increase in stress, according to a University of Houston study.

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=347051

it's actually a time online article but page not found I see.... but this answer covers everything on marriage :) Do your thing!!

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 08:42 PM
I would also like to add to shaad's comment and state that many of my friends whom are czech, went home and married czech girls. the stress in their relationship was very intense, and sadly many of them divorce.
I think, if you marry someone you truly feel comfortable with, love, and have the same outlooks on life, than the stress is minimized.
In fact, I'd be willing to bet, (although i have no facts to back it up) that if a couple marries and has had to struggle to do it, eg. being from other cultures, parents not on side immediately, friends, not being understanding, than the obsticles are such, that if the said couple actually survives to the point of marriage, you know the love is real, and the stress in such a relationship will be lessened, as you struggle through lifes problems together, as friends and lovers, whom would die for each other.

Orpheus
June 2, 2005, 08:50 PM
shaad... some things from my post may not make sense.. like the "wasted" part - it has nothing to do with marriage but this discussion is actually a continuation of another thread ..... "I am tired of" which got locked!!

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 1:51 AM GMT, by Orpheus.

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 1:51 AM GMT, by Orpheus.

shaad
June 2, 2005, 08:58 PM
Orpheus, recall that I said "most of the women I met," not all :-) And there are other expectations too: not that you want a clone of yourself, but you want to be with someone with whom you share similar values and tastes. Sometimes, those are hard to find.

I think another factor that comes into play is how long one has been an expatriate. The longer one resides abroad, the more one finds oneself changing, becoming a character with a footprint in each nation. In such a case, if you're going to marry someone from the homeland, it's probably better to either find someone who has been abroad about as long as yourself (you've both probably changed about as much) or to go home, marry her, and bring her back with you before you've been here too long (you can both change/evolve together ;-)

- Shaad

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 09:00 PM
orpheus, the site you sent me to is very interesting. It shows that we sure are a mixed buch over here in north america. I love it, always have. I didn't read throught the whole article, but appreciate adding sources to your statements, nevertheless, i still love my BBG (bengali baby girl), and it won't change anything for me, but like jabbar said, it's up to the individual, and everyone has a choice of what he or she thinks will work for them.
I did find on the artile this though: ...............many people saw asian/american interrmarriage as a threat to american society. Therefore, "anti miscegenation laws were passed to prohibit asian from marrying whites." It seems my white brothers from the past had fear that things would change. Well, things did change, and I love it....mtv, was never as fascinating, with hot women of all races....but seriously, It is fear of change which is what drives someone to condemn such a marriage, yet that is exactly what breaks down this fear.
As to the high divorce rates in the U.S. that's ok. 50% i think. Bangladesh has 20%. the thing is that if something changes in life, hormones, intellect, jobs, whatever, sometimes couples end up fighting daily. Is it so bad, to start over with someone else? It's not the end of the world? It's better than fighting, AND in some cases physical violence, which leads to tragedy.

shaad
June 2, 2005, 09:10 PM
Thanks for the source, Orpheus. Nice talking to both you and whiteguy.

It'll be interesting to see what happens to the divorce rate in Bangladesh as our middle class becomes larger and more urbanized, as families become even more nuclear, as we see more women in the workplace, etc. I seem to recall a rather steep increase in divorce rates in urban India as divorce began to lose its cultural stigma.

- Shaad

jabbar
June 2, 2005, 09:35 PM
Good luck white guy, I hope everything works out for you.

My word of advise: If you are staying with your wife's(future wife? I'm not sure if you've married yet) family, you should uphold their culture, religion and family values. In Bangladeshi society, these facets of life are intensely guarded and upheld. This is especially true of religion, which is the foundation for the other two facets. Again, this all depends on the family, and is especially true of good, decent families.

Furthermore, if you choose to adopt Islam as your religion, I also suggest you do this with a full heart, and not purely because of your desire to fit in with your wife and her family. My feeling is that your affinity with Islam will be baseless and hypocritical if your decision is based on this; your soul will not find peace if you take such a path. Before you go ahead with embracing Islam, I suggest you read a lot about Islam. The Quran is the obvious starting point, but there are many other literature (hadith, etc.)

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 2:37 AM GMT, by jabbar.

VladMamu
June 2, 2005, 10:00 PM
Thank youn everyone for your advice and input! I won't post anymore till i catch up on my studies. I see that bangladeshis' are as diverse as the rest of us. That is a good thing. Khuda Havis Bhai's (hope I spelled it right)

crickwizard
June 3, 2005, 06:28 AM
sala vodai, what kind of stupid calls himself with color :duh:

fat_bob
June 3, 2005, 07:42 AM
it's interesting to note that all the non-bengalis are more than willing to go through traditional bangladeshi customs...aww

btw, Orpheus are you being serious? i can never tell. i think the thing with most bangladeshi girls out west is that if they intend to date in the first place (some don't), they won't tend to go for the bangladeshi boys. i think it's because the bangladeshi communities overseas, especially in smaller cities, are so close and tight-knit (everyone knows each other) that it really would be way too awkward to have a relationship. same goes for the bangladeshi boys too, except they hate everything 'curry', stupid idiots. i'm generalising though, it definetely comes down to the individual. don't worry Orph one day you'll find yourself a nice 'white' girl, and you'll throw all your opinions out the window.

Orpheus
June 3, 2005, 10:49 AM
it's interesting to note that all the non-bengalis are more than willing to go through traditional bangladeshi customs...aww

it's not awww!! Who would actually be in those western wedding?? All white and black dresses... as if it's a funeral.

VladMamu
June 3, 2005, 02:36 PM
Damn, I had it so well written, and the computer froze..
fat bob is right. The way understand it bengali girls if they date will not date bengali boys. The reason is that God forbid, if they gave something up, or had some sex. The whole community could hear about it, and it could be disastrous.
also, as an example, if my wife went to a bengali festival, her mom, would always, go and grab her and pull her away from the boys, if they started to gather around. I guess they were intent on finding their own for her when she was ready, however, this clearly back fired.

Thirdly, and this was most sad, yet interesting for me to learn, however, I understand where it comes from after studying Indian history a little, she was dating a Bengali boy for a couple of years just after highschool. They were discussing marriage.
Basically, he told her that his family thinks, she was too dark, and he can't marry her. (ouch!!!!) They used to call her Kali, jokingly when she was younger. So she made up her mind that she was gonna marry whomever she wants, any race, any culture, and she dated for awhile, men from all different cultures, from Black to White.
To us my White/Asian/Black brothers, she is hot HOT HOT!!! I spotted her on the street, and went and told her so.......and that was it.....
she's 5 foot 2, 100 pounds, skinny, sexy, has huge, the biggest eyes, with, halve inche long eyelashes, and the most amazing smile? .......and themost beautiful dark skin. yet her Bengali brothers made her feel unattractive.
This is just her story, maybe different Bengali girls have different reasons.
....and maybe just her x was a racist, us whites in the western world have some racists among us too....
anyway, I wish not to offend, only to help.............
By the way, as I intend the get to know Bangladesh, visit there, I am learning as much as possible, by reading, studying, and think I'll pick up the language too. it's the 7the largest in the world Bangla that is, so i'm sure its not a waste, and now i see i'll have a forum to practise in.
I was curious though.............where are most bengladeshis from here? Since they all speak English, are they westerners? Is it mostly guys, since it's banglacricket? I'd assume so. and do people in Dhaka speak English? .....like in Bombay? what about the villages?
Khuda Havis.

hockeyfan
June 3, 2005, 07:57 PM
ok I just joined this site right now. I only visit this site rarely, to look at interesting stuff about Bangladeshi cricket, but this forum and specifically this thread got me to join, cause it's so interesting.

whiteguy? lemme guess, you're from Surrey?

mwrkhan
June 4, 2005, 12:07 AM
Originally posted by whiteguy
.............where are most bengladeshis from here? Since they all speak English, are they westerners? Is it mostly guys, since it's banglacricket? I'd assume so. and do people in Dhaka speak English? .....like in Bombay? what about the villages?
Khuda Havis.

I don't have the stats but I would hazard a guess that most forum members are living overseas. Some were born overseas others have lived there a long time. Ofcourse there are members from BD as well.

Most educated Bangladeshis will know some English as it is taught in our schools. It is also the predominant language (at least in written communications) in commerce and higher education. Anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that there has been a general erosion of English language skills in Bangladesh post independence -- but of course all older people seem to think that things were better in their day! A rejection of all foreign influences in the zeal of new found independence might be the reason for it.

Also re: your wife's complexion. Unfortunately, a favourable bias towards fairer skin exists in our society. It is often an issue when marriages are arranged.

VladMamu
June 4, 2005, 02:01 PM
Originally posted by crickwizard
sala vodai, what kind of stupid calls himself with color :duh:

VladMamu
June 4, 2005, 02:31 PM
I guess where i'm from we do. The reason being is that there are SO many people, that we use colour for descriptive reasons.

For example: In my Psychology Rerearch
Class, I did Research on "Perceptions of White Skinned and Dark Skinned Interracial Couples by White Skinned and Dark Skinned University Educated College Students"

I guess the reason we categorize is because it's easier. For instance, when I asked the respondents, and there was only 109 of them, (this was undergrad, 2nd year only) where there parents are from, here is what they said.

1. African
2. Argentina
3. Asian
4. Austria
5. Barbados
6. Candian
7. China
8. Czech
9. English
10. Ethiopia
11. European
12. Fiji
13. Finland
14. France
15. French Canadian
16. German
17. Greenland
18. Holland
19. Hong Kong
20. Hungary
21. India
22. Iran
23. Ireland
24. Italy
25. Japan
26. Mexican
27. Netherlands
28. Norway
29. Pakistan
30 Phillipines
31. Portuguese
32. Punjab
33. Scotland
34. South American
35. Sri Lanka
36. Sweden
37. Ukraine
38. America
39. Vietnam

Here's the faiths they reported.
1. Buddah
2. Catholic
3. Christian
4. Hinduism
5. Islam
6. Sikh
7. Spiritual
8. non-religious
9. atheist
(the above have more dominations, such as Prodestant Christion, but I condensed it)

anyway, that's a little sample, from one corner of a hallway, in one university in one city of canada, for only 109 poeple. Isn't that crazy?

So yeah, we say, white guy, brown guy, black guy, etc. it's our lingo. The politicially correct papers, or politions, willl say Indo canadian, European Canadian etc.

I guess you are referring to my name white guy, or perhaps the guy earlier, whom said, another brown guy here.

Either way, cricketwizerd, I don't mind explaining it to you, but why the put downs? Aren't you here for fun?

VladMamu
June 4, 2005, 02:43 PM
p.s. my professor is Indo Canadian, she pushes these kinds of studies. As a matter of fact, she just married a British Guy.

VladMamu
June 4, 2005, 02:45 PM
oh, i missed muslim. two guys were muslim from the respondents above. sorry..:duh:

VladMamu
June 4, 2005, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by hockeyfan
ok I just joined this site right now. I only visit this site rarely, to look at interesting stuff about Bangladeshi cricket, but this forum and specifically this thread got me to join, cause it's so interesting.

whiteguy? lemme guess, you're from Surrey?

Grew up here since I was seven. MY parents immigrated from Czech Republic. I'm a Surrey boy. You must be from the lowermainland here since you recognized it from the geographical descriptions of the Mosque, Church and Temple that I gave eh?

Melancholy
June 5, 2005, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
Originally posted by reinausagi
Wow. Interesting topic. I'm married to a very nice 'white-guy'.

On the western Psychologist's suggestion that people have sex with 20 people before settling down... What can I say? There are idiots born to every culture.

No, not 20 at once sweetie!!!!!! (just kidding) but seriously, most marriages occur in the late teens to early 30's now, due to education, jobs, etc. so if you start dating at 16 lets say, that's one every 6 months. After all, it's your fellow brothers (of the world) you are taking for a test drive. I know, this may be to extreme for some. Our christion religion forbids "testing the waters" also. Anyway, the source of that 20 statement was actually on the radio, by Dr. Joyce Brown on am 1410, whom gives relationship advice to young and old who call in. This is on the Pacific coast of Canada of course.

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 12:40 AM GMT, by Zunaid.



Edited on, June 5, 2005, 9:34 PM GMT, by Melancholy.

Melancholy
June 5, 2005, 04:33 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
Originally posted by Zunaid

Who? The white guys? The innocent girls? Or the 20 somethings? ;)

Yes, all of the above - it's the 20 something white guys with the innocent girls.

Everyone falls into some type of categories. No man is an island and everyman thinks they are (lol, am I using the term correctly?).

Eventhough - people these days tend to marry late, but I feel there are a lot of factors that play in choosing unconventional wives and husbands (sorry my English is bad). One of the major being age.

I don't want to elaborate on it -- hmmm - ah what the hell, I will say a little - who cares about interracial couple sentiment - truth must be told. They hurt me when such marriage took place. :(

Number of single women at their late twenties and early thirties are increasing day by day. These women tend to be the ones who go after their career and become too smart for their own good. Now this is the problem - she doesn't have a life partnar but she is old. Who would want her? Well if she is white, then the brown starbucks coffee guy whose morning starts by pouring her a cup of coffee everyday.

Now if she is brown, then the ugly white guy takes advantage knowing he will always be alone since his white wife just left him for another man.

It's like that movie, where even Tom HUNK develops a relationship with a brown coconut being all alone on the island. Even Tom couldn't be an island. tsk tsk!!

Ok it's OBVIOUSLY NOTHING like that!! I am just having fun. But I think we should note reina. She is not fond of white men but it's this one that just got her and I think it's perfect knowing she is an intelligent woman and mature enough to make the right decision.

What bothers me however is my future teenage shalis getting wasted. at max 6 months of relationship giving lonely and pimply whities time of their life. I don't support relationships that has no future and complications.

Facts:

-Early age relationship/marriages break apart faster.
-Interracial marriage got higher divorce rate.
-Interracial marriage has 30% higher stress than normal marriage
-etc etc!!


Last thing you want is a child having identity crisis!

anyways, I had hard time composing this post for some reason - hence too long :D

Bye

P.S. All my bengali brothers, your forsha wife doesn't make her a foreigner!!

..damn this post is too long!!!

Edited on, June 3, 2005, 12:06 AM GMT, by Orpheus.

what a misconception! Live your life the way you want not by others rules or how they have lived their lives. How do you determine who is 'the perfect" one..? There is no way to find that out EVER!

Edited on, June 5, 2005, 9:55 PM GMT, by Melancholy.

Orpheus
June 5, 2005, 10:38 PM
No wonder why you are Melancholy. You lived your life the way you wanted.

VladMamu
June 6, 2005, 02:08 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
No wonder why you are Melancholy. You lived your life the way you wanted.

:great: funny Orpheus!

dihan
June 7, 2005, 07:59 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy

she's 5 foot 2, 100 pounds, skinny, sexy, has huge, the biggest eyes, with, halve inche long eyelashes, and the most amazing smile? .......and themost beautiful dark skin.

Is she still available?:)

hockeyfan
June 7, 2005, 08:36 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
Originally posted by hockeyfan
ok I just joined this site right now. I only visit this site rarely, to look at interesting stuff about Bangladeshi cricket, but this forum and specifically this thread got me to join, cause it's so interesting.

whiteguy? lemme guess, you're from Surrey?

Grew up here since I was seven. MY parents immigrated from Czech Republic. I'm a Surrey boy. You must be from the lowermainland here since you recognized it from the geographical descriptions of the Mosque, Church and Temple that I gave eh?

yup, this area really is one of a kind.

VladMamu
June 7, 2005, 08:58 PM
[

Is she still available?:) [/quote]



lol, no and she won't be ever. However, I can recommend going to the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, take a skytrain, bus, join a gym, go to a university, there are many sexy desi girl. However, none as sexy as mine, but nevertheless, they want to be loved, cared about and appreciated.

Good luck. I found mine in Burnaby.

VladMamu
June 7, 2005, 09:00 PM
yup, this area really is one of a kind. [/quote]



Perhaps its more multicultural here, but isn't it kind of representative of most of the Wester World?

By the way, are you from Surrey, where you from?

Sami
June 7, 2005, 09:03 PM
whiteguy: i couldnt help but notice that you keep referring to your wife as if she was a commodity. maybe its just the way you write the stuff... bothers me a little... but she is your wife so yeah... good luck!

VladMamu
June 7, 2005, 09:20 PM
Originally posted by radicalsami
whiteguy: i couldnt help but notice that you keep referring to your wife as if she was a commodity. maybe its just the way you write the stuff... bothers me a little... but she is your wife so yeah... good luck!



That's cause she's MINE MINE MINE!!!

.....just kidding. If that is the case, I certainly don't wanna come across that way. I believe in a marriage where the two people invoved are equals and friends, and treat each other as such.

Thanks for pointing it out.

TigerFan
June 8, 2005, 10:20 PM
Originally posted by Zunaid
Mod: Strike 1 and counting

[Mod: deleted]

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:21 AM GMT, by TigerFan.

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:50 AM GMT, by Zunaid.
Reason: personal attack

VladMamu
June 8, 2005, 10:44 PM
Originally posted by TigerFan
Originally posted by Zunaid
Mod: Strike 1 and counting

[Mod: deleted]

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:21 AM GMT, by TigerFan.

Where in my posts did you get racial superiority? I guess we process information with filters on sometimes, which can distort what one is trying to say.

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:50 AM GMT, by Zunaid.

Zunaid
June 8, 2005, 10:49 PM
Originally posted by TigerFan
Originally posted by Zunaid
Mod: Strike 1 and counting

[Mod: deleted]

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:21 AM GMT, by TigerFan.

Mod: Well you have just earned yourself a strike. Please refrain from personal attack.

Edited on, June 9, 2005, 3:51 AM GMT, by Zunaid.

Fazal
June 9, 2005, 09:53 AM
:( I missed all the fun then? From 'R' to back to 'PG'?

Its a long thread, poshabe na mone hoi...

al Furqaan
June 9, 2005, 05:41 PM
"pure men are for pure women, and evil men are for evil women"

fortunatelty race has nothing to do with compatibility of husband and wife and on a macro scale humans as a whole.

:lol:

Daddy_Mac
June 10, 2005, 12:38 AM
Originally posted by al Furqaan
"pure men are for pure women, and evil men are for evil women"


:lol:

Good one...! hahaha
Can you tell me what do you mean by "Evil Women"....

VladMamu
June 10, 2005, 03:44 AM
Originally posted by Daddy_Mac
[quote]Originally posted by al Furqaan
"pure men are for pure women, and evil men are for evil women"


:lol:

Good one...! hahaha
Can you tell me what do you mean by "Evil Women"....
/quote




Yeah, good question Al, how would you define that?:-/

Dhurr
June 10, 2005, 12:34 PM
wow! great thread!

and oh, white guy, you're from "slurrey", huh? haha i love surrey's new moniker :P

VladMamu
July 15, 2005, 03:56 PM
You can answer that here Orpheus!

Orpheus
July 15, 2005, 10:04 PM
do you aproove of Desi girls marrying white guys yet?

It wouldn't make any difference to you would it? It will not affect anyone but my daughters. You are a very nice person whiteguy but it hardly matters on my feelings toward certain things.

It's happening and gonna happen no matter what. But I don't have to like it! Right! :) Anyways, how is your wife doing? Tell her to visit us sometimes. Here are some suggested nick name for her .
"white Bhabi"
"Bou Czech"
perhaps "baby brown girl"

Night!

Melancholy
July 16, 2005, 12:53 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
do you aproove of Desi girls marrying white guys yet?

It wouldn't make any difference to you would it? It will not affect anyone but my daughters. You are a very nice person whiteguy but it hardly matters on my feelings toward certain things.

It's happening and gonna happen no matter what. But I don't have to like it! Right! :) Anyways, how is your wife doing? Tell her to visit us sometimes. Here are some suggested nick name for her .
"white Bhabi"
"Bou Czech"
perhaps "baby brown girl"

or an oreo cookie

Night!

VladMamu
July 16, 2005, 04:42 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
do you aproove of Desi girls marrying white guys yet?

It wouldn't make any difference to you would it? It will not affect anyone but my daughters. You are a very nice person whiteguy but it hardly matters on my feelings toward certain things.

It's happening and gonna happen no matter what. But I don't have to like it! Right! :) Anyways, how is your wife doing? Tell her to visit us sometimes. Here are some suggested nick name for her .
"white Bhabi"
"Bou Czech"
perhaps "baby brown girl"

Night!

No Orpheus. I guess it doen't matter you are right. Maybe your daughters. I understand that you'd rather have nice Bengali boys for your daughters, and that makes sense. But, as a friend, I have to tell you that the odds are good, that if you have a couple of daughters, they may just fall in love with a non Bengali. You know that. And if they do, you may have a leg up on things, because you know that non Bengalis, non Muslims, can give your little angel daughters, a very good and happy life too, and rather than disown them, and make them run away, you may have a son-in-law whiteguy one day too.

I call her bbg. has two meanings. Be Be Gee! Respected Women. Or Bengali Baby Girl.
I love Brown Sugar too.
Oreo Cookie, we've done that.
Man, I love my little Bengali Baby Girl! I would die for her. Heck, when I fell in love, I really thought I might. Muslims have a stereotype you know. lol. You mess with there girls, they will kill you and the girl. I guess I loved her, and went straight to her family after a couple of months, and demanded acceptance. ( I was shaking inside though)
Yes, I'll tell her to come say hello here. You all know her so well, I always talk about her.

VladMamu
July 16, 2005, 03:04 PM
whiteguy's bou here.

i don't know what to say. I miss my husband cause he's always here. Can I have him back? That's all.

Ehsan
July 16, 2005, 05:52 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
whiteguy's bou here.

i don't know what to say. I miss my husband cause he's always here. Can I have him back? That's all.

You are asking to get him back? C'mn Apu drag him back, you know the desi style. :D

Btw, I suggest you register a nick for youself. Welcome to BanglaCricket. :)

Edited on, July 16, 2005, 10:52 PM GMT, by Ehsan.

Faceoff
July 16, 2005, 10:01 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
whiteguy's bou here.

i don't know what to say. I miss my husband cause he's always here. Can I have him back? That's all.

Desi style jhari should do the magic.

AsifTheManRahman
July 17, 2005, 02:10 PM
Originally posted by faceoff
Originally posted by whiteguy
whiteguy's bou here.

i don't know what to say. I miss my husband cause he's always here. Can I have him back? That's all.

Desi style <b>jhari</b> should do the magic.

or, more effectively, desi style "jhatar bari" will do the magic :)

Spitfire_x86
July 17, 2005, 04:33 PM
Originally posted by Ehsan
Btw, I suggest you register a nick for youself. Welcome to BanglaCricket. :)
i suggest a nick: desiwife

VladMamu
July 18, 2005, 12:47 AM
White guy's wife
I cannot join this site because amar jamai ekhane onek onek onek shomoy katai. amar matha jhalapala hoi jacchay. dhonnobaad naamer idea r jonno.
shobai bhalo thaken :)

fab
July 24, 2005, 04:55 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
I knew about reina but Zunaid - hmmm interesting!!!
I had a feeling reina, Zunaid & Beamer where married to non-Bengalis. Prolly coz they've lost some bengaliness (and that isn't a compliment or an insult, just an observation). I bet Punders married a forriner too. Out of the unmarried, I reckon Arnab will settle with a non-Bengali but Orphy will get a good Bangladeshi girl from the village ;)

*puts crystal ball away*

Rubu
July 24, 2005, 07:58 AM
I'm trying to imagine orphy's wife: a red shari with big green circles as decoration. A "kaner dull" sized "nolok" at her nose, bare footed, and of course with a kolshi.

Zunaid
July 24, 2005, 08:47 AM
Originally posted by fab
Prolly coz they've lost some bengaliness (and that isn't a compliment or an insult, just an observation).

Interesting observation. Of course, I am interested in what "bengali" attributes you think may have been lost. Don't worry - not taking the above comments either as a compliment or an insult.

I, personally, am a bit surprised. My public persona is sometimes chameleon like in terms of the mix of people with whom I may be communicating.

I am still willing to bet, if I am teleported to the middle of gulistan bus-stand, or shador ghaat, or ekusher boi-mela, or some attior milad, or a grAm in kajipur (sans my goatee and appropriate attire) - you won't be able to tell I have been out of the old country for 15 years,

RazabQ
July 24, 2005, 02:32 PM
Z bhai, I'll take you up on the challenge :) Here's another test. Apni onorgol kotokhon shudumatro banglay kotha bolte paren? Ami dosh-ponero minuter beshi tiki na. Amar ojuhat hochche aami ingreji madhdhomer chatro :)

BTW, fondness for aged scotch prolly not a sign of bangaliness :)

Orpheus
July 24, 2005, 03:02 PM
fondness for aged scotch prolly not a sign of bangaliness

You obviously don't know Bangalis.... "fondness for aged anything" except girls is a sign of Bangalisness. You people weak anyway.. I can go with bangla forever - no excuse.

Fab:
interesting because I always thought YOU would always be with a foreigner. So tell us whether.. amader dulabhai? shada, Bangali naki sylheti?

And as for Gramer meye - HELL YEAH!! First of all it's a "meye" - has the functionality of any woman - the soft heart that is :) (Rubu what were you thihnking?) Infact they are probably superior - just need a visit to Victoria Secret. I have connection there.

I don't want to talk to my wife about Iraq war, I want her to tell me "baby you are my hero"!
Me: "Take care of your hero now :) jao shorbot banai ano"

Now who do you think is more likely to say and do that? A foreigner/coconut (bengali out, foreign in) who is gonna be outside most of the time, is tooo independent and if you ask something says "in America, you do your own thing. Also, you take care half of the child - and we will have a toss on who gets the bottom half - 50% chance of getting either"

Me: "Allah please please heads, please heads"

as oppose to a gramer meye:
me: "pushpo ghumai geche"
her: ji
me: Jao amar jonno arek glass shorbot banai ano.

So Zunaid bhai, when was the last time you had a glass of shorbot. Aged scotch is a thing of the past man! :D

Orpheus
July 24, 2005, 03:03 PM
dhur post ta beshi boro hoye geche.. sorry!

AbedinC
July 24, 2005, 03:22 PM
Lol, hilarious, Orphy. Apnar post pore ami thik kore phelechi, ami gramer meye biye korbo. Ontoto prothom bar.

AsifTheManRahman
July 24, 2005, 03:25 PM
hahaha....too good :lol:

that's orphy at his best :)

Edited on, July 24, 2005, 8:26 PM GMT, by AsifTheManRahman.

AsifTheManRahman
July 24, 2005, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by RazabQ
Amar ojuhat hochche aami ingreji madhdhomer chatro :)


haha! eta to ekta faltu ojuhat howe gelo :)

Orpheus
July 24, 2005, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by AbedinC
Lol, hilarious, Orphy. Apnar post pore ami thik kore phelechi, ami gramer meye biye korbo. Ontoto prothom bar.

Prothom baar maane? bhai apni amar post wrong bhabe niyen na.. Ami polygyny ekdomi support kori na.....Divorce ami bhalo chkhe dekhi na....

anyways... glad you two enjoyed it.. I was afraid it was too long.....moner moto lekhchi.. post hit korlam..dekhi bishal boro message...

Good Bye.... Seee you all hours later :)

mwrkhan
July 25, 2005, 01:31 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
.. Ami polygyny ekdomi support kori na....

Polygyny? Are you sure you did not mean it's opposite, polygamy?:)

Navarene
July 25, 2005, 01:39 AM
Oh I thought human mind was polygamous at the last end :)

Orpheus
July 25, 2005, 02:20 AM
Originally posted by mwrkhan
Originally posted by Orpheus
.. Ami polygyny ekdomi support kori na....

Polygyny? Are you sure you did not mean it's opposite, polygamy?:)

No I did not mean polyandry! Maybe that would be fitting for you :duh:

fab
July 25, 2005, 03:42 AM
Originally posted by Zunaid
I am interested in what "bengali" attributes you think may have been lost.

Well. The language and forms of self-expression is somewhat different i.e. word-language (as opposed to body language). The attitudes, sense of humour etc as displayed online is not very "Bengali" and I sense a certain cultural detachment from the Bengali psyche. This is, of course, inevitable since those closest to you are not Bengali and you are not surrounded by Bengalis 24/7 constantly interacting and reinforcing Bengaliness.

In a nutshell it is basically "loosing a skill due to lack of practice".

Anyhow, it is just my theory and could be total bullocks.

Orphy - didn't envisage you to be the type to chose the simple life!

Melancholy
July 25, 2005, 12:40 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
fondness for aged scotch prolly not a sign of bangaliness

I don't want to talk to my wife about Iraq war, I want her to tell me "baby you are my hero"!
Me: "Take care of your hero now :) jao shorbot banai ano"

Now who do you think is more likely to say and do that? A foreigner/coconut (bengali out, foreign in) who is gonna be outside most of the time, is tooo independent and if you ask something says "in America, you do your own thing. Also, you take care half of the child - and we will have a toss on who gets the bottom half - 50% chance of getting either"

Me: "Allah please please heads, please heads"

as oppose to a gramer meye:
me: "pushpo ghumai geche"
her: ji
me: Jao amar jonno arek glass shorbot banai ano.

So Zunaid bhai, when was the last time you had a glass of shorbot. Aged scotch is a thing of the past man! :D

ha ha..very funny orpheus..however, u r totally wrong about a lot of things...
u r definitely wrong about the comments that u made about foreigner or coconut...
u know what i think....i think u want a bengali gamer meye wife coz u scared the girl,ur wife will may be smarter than u...and correct u when u make mistakes...u want to be the superior one no matter what...that's why u will get a gramer meye who will not understand anything else except serving her husband eat and sleep....and listen to ORPHEUS er orders..right!
that's why u made the comment...u want ur wife to say to u that " u r my hero"even though u probably didn'd do anything to be the hero....
okie don't take anything personally...i just wanted to make it more enjoyable and at the same time correct u...
okie...
enjoy!
:great::great::great:

Orpheus
July 25, 2005, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by Melancholy
u r definitely wrong about the comments that u made about foreigner or coconut...
u know what i think....i think u want a bengali gamer meye wife coz u scared the girl,ur wife will may be smarter than u...and correct u when u make mistakes...u want to be the superior one no matter what...that's why u will get a gramer meye who will not understand anything else except serving her husband eat and sleep....

Thanks for the good laugh ms. Melancholy - really I did laugh. First of all, I don't think highly of coconut brain. Second, what makes you think gramer meye are not smart enough?

How intriguing - you assumed so much things just from one post of mine - So what's stopping me from assuming things about you just from the above post :)

1) You think highly of yourself. There are those who are and there are those who think they are. It's obvious where you fall.

2) You are dominating. You want to "correct" people as if your way is the only "right" way.

3) You are selfish. You will want to have everything that you want, there won't be any sacrifice. While it's good in professional life, it's not good at all in other things of life.

So Ms. coconut - wallow in self-pride all you want. At the end of the day, I will want a humble girl. But you on the other hand will end up being 35 divorced, kids free and still trying to find the perfect mate in Match.com or is it lavalife.com while I drink the glass of Shorbat from Zannat.

nihi
July 25, 2005, 01:52 PM
Originally posted by Zunaid
I am still willing to bet, if I am teleported to the middle of gulistan bus-stand, or shador ghaat, or ekusher boi-mela, or some attior milad, or a grAm in kajipur (sans my goatee and appropriate attire) - you won't be able to tell I have been out of the old country for 15 years,

You really said this? Fab never mentioned about a plastic surgery. Or did she hinted on a 15 year dravidian-to-caucasian super-evolution life cycle?

On a personal note, I always had to put 'kajipur' on the space allocated for thana/upazilla.

Melancholy
July 25, 2005, 01:54 PM
First of all, I don't think highly of coconut brain. Second, what makes you think gramer meye are not smart enough?
i am sorry i never said gramer meyera wasn't smart enough or anything...but they hv the tendency of not correcting their husband when they know that how wrong the husband is..to some gramer meye it's just a sin...well not really...that's not where i was going with this..but anyways good luck....
by the way r u married or still waiting to find the village that no body knows of so u could find a girl from that village who will only know one person on earth...who will be her hero coz she wouldn't know anyone else to compare...

How intriguing - you assumed so much things just from one post of mine - So what's stopping me from assuming things about you just from the above post :)
well mr. orpheus i didn't assume all that just reading one post of urs..most of ur posts contain one thing...u always hv something against women...and mostly it's desi girls...

So Ms. coconut - wallow in self-pride all you want. At the end of the day, I will want a humble girl. But you on the other hand will end up being 35 divorced, kids free and still trying to find the perfect mate in Match.com or is it lavalife.com while I drink the glass of Shorbat from Zannat. [/quote]

u know i don't think u hv any rights to assume what will happen in my future especially when u do no know me at all...so plz don't tell a stranger how their future is going to be without knowing the person..that just shows how mature u r....
ha ha..so u did find ur gramer meye....perfect name too zannat:bravo: ha ha:great:

Melancholy
July 25, 2005, 02:00 PM
1) You think highly of yourself. There are those who are and there are those who think they are. It's obvious where you fall.

2) You are dominating. You want to "correct" people as if your way is the only "right" way.

3) You are selfish. You will want to have everything that you want, there won't be any sacrifice. While it's good in professional life, it's not good at all in other things of life

Orpheus u figured all these about me by reading one post..wow..
For all those ppl who read my post that i wrote against one of Orpheus er post ....did u all assume all the things that Orpheus assumed about me?
Plz do reply about this...Coz i really didn't like orpheus er comments on me like that.....PLZ reply so i could figure it out if my words were dominating and if it shows that i am a selfish person or not...
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Orpheus
July 25, 2005, 02:04 PM
just like you have no rights to assume about me!! OK? taste of your own medicine that was.

zannat as in heaven..... just a word. anyone can be zannat.

anyways.. Good bye. Let's keep our personal thoughts to ourself here ok

RazabQ
July 25, 2005, 02:06 PM
Melancholy, remember that expression... "pagoley kina koy, chagoley kina khay". In this case it's applicable - Orphy chopar baari chalailo - and to even give it any kind of attention is a pure waste of valuable grey cell. Manush chena oto shoja naa...

Dawah
July 25, 2005, 02:10 PM
Amazing, though provoking, and informative thread . Five star :P

Melancholy
July 25, 2005, 02:34 PM
Originally posted by Orpheus
just like you have no rights to assume about me!! OK? taste of your own medicine that was.

zannat as in heaven..... just a word. anyone can be zannat.

anyways.. Good bye. Let's keep our personal thoughts to ourself here ok

I am sorry that i assumed anything about u..it was a joke if u didn't get it..it was nothing personal..
Sorry if u misunderstood me..
Goodbye:)

puce
July 25, 2005, 05:32 PM
white boy,
what can I do. I keep on turning the matter in and out, I just feel like I get to sit here waiting to see if my heart will be broken into pieces. No matter what I suggest, it seems like I ll be disrespecting his father?
Suggestion?

Zephaniah
July 25, 2005, 07:27 PM
Ok folks I'm gonna go to British Columbia and get married to a blonde bombshell.

I mean it.

RazabQ
July 25, 2005, 07:46 PM
Originally posted by Zephaniah
Ok folks I'm gonna go to British Columbia and get married to a blonde bombshell.

I mean it.
Congrats Zeph. Somewhere Orphy is going nuts and scores of BD guys just blew it :)

VladMamu
July 26, 2005, 12:11 AM
Originally posted by puce
white boy,
what can I do. I keep on turning the matter in and out, I just feel like I get to sit here waiting to see if my heart will be broken into pieces. No matter what I suggest, it seems like I ll be disrespecting his father?
Suggestion?

Sweetie, what do you mean?

VladMamu
July 26, 2005, 05:32 AM
Originally posted by puce
white boy,
what can I do. I keep on turning the matter in and out, I just feel like I get to sit here waiting to see if my heart will be broken into pieces. No matter what I suggest, it seems like I ll be disrespecting his father?
Suggestion?

I have posted a reply to you on mixedmarriage.net forum. However, since you are here, go ahead and post your dilema in this thread. Several of the members and moderators here have married white women. I bet some may have even gone through what you have gone through and can give you some advice. The Indian Hindu culture has many parallels and similarities with the Bangladeshi Muslim culture.

Edited on, July 26, 2005, 10:39 AM GMT, by whiteguy.

Banglatiger84
July 26, 2005, 06:09 AM
"The Indian Hindu culture has many parallels and similarities with the Bangladeshi Muslim culture "

Nopes, "Indian culture has many similarities with Bangladeshi culture" is a more accurate statement

Hindu culture and the culture followed by practising Muslims are completely different and distinct from each other. This is evident in many aspects like dowry, dietary habits, status of women, etc.

Dawah
July 26, 2005, 10:21 AM
Originally posted by Banglatiger84
"The Indian Hindu culture has many parallels and similarities with the Bangladeshi Muslim culture "

Nopes, "Indian culture has many similarities with Bangladeshi culture" is a more accurate statement

Hindu culture and the culture followed by practising Muslims are completely different and distinct from each other. This is evident in many aspects like dowry, dietary habits, status of women, etc.

Now this is a great reply! Finally, someone spelled it out. Our Bangladeshi/Bangali culture is derived from our ancient Hindu culture (well, our great great Grand parents were hindus or idol or stone or fire worshippers.), not Islamic culture.

This is a tragic thing that generally we Bangladeshi Muslims take pride in being Muslims but consider Islamic practices "foreign". Our “progotishill” Bangali scholars will label any Islamic practice (culture?) as either Pakistani or Arab culture and hence claim how can we Bangali/Bangladeshies practice those “foreign” culture.

puce
July 26, 2005, 11:39 AM
well, here is my dilema:
I am french and white, he is Indian, and we are in love. He just declared our love to his parents (who live in India). It did not go fine. His father was really upset, and told him it would rather diowned his son than having a white in law. (that was after a month of showing them a multitude of mixed couple in the US, since they came and visit.)
He is still trying to convice him. He has plan to ask his bother and mother to help. However, he cannot leave his familly, and I could not live with myself if he was. French and Hindu have a similar thinking when it comes to familly. The difference is that a French can tell the familly they are wrong, and they should prioritize their children life, not the sake of society.
The problem is with my skin, with the fact that I am white. Should I pay for what britishers did over 50 years ago?, then that would mean that I should hold a grudge to the German, for the love of god, 3 times we were in war with them!!!!
I just don t understand how a father who loves his son so much, can also break his heart just to please the nieghbor.
If I write to him, it will be disrespectfull. So, if I understand it well, I can just sit here, pray to god not to take my sunshine away, and not to get my heart broken into pieces?

Banglatiger84
July 26, 2005, 11:39 AM
Actually, there are a lot of gray areas in what exactly constitutes "Arab/Pakistani" culture and what is "Islamic culture".
Often, some people disguise the former as islam which puts off many Bengali people.

E.g. speaking in Urdu, wearing pakistani/Arab clothes, supporting violence done by muslims (in 1991 many Bengalis supported Saddam and considered him the "Islamic savior") . These acts have nothing to do with islam but some think otherwise


On the other hand, genuinely islamic stuff is sometimes categorised wrongly as "un-Bengali" e.g. wearing Hijab, keeping beard .

And refraining from common activities which go against Islamic principles is also not looked upon favorably, e.g. mixed gender gaye-holuds, pa chhuye salam, etc.

mwrkhan
July 27, 2005, 04:23 AM
Originally posted by puce
well, here is my dilema:
I am french and white, he is Indian, and we are in love. He just declared our love to his parents (who live in India). It did not go fine.

Just go ahead and do what your heart wants. Do not feel obliged to sacrifice your own happiness simply to fulfill the expectations of some other people.

puce
July 27, 2005, 08:18 AM
well, afterall it is his father, and he respect him a lot. Without his aproval, he would be loosing his familly. I do not call that a choice either. We know what we want, but to get it his dad has to approve.

Fazal
July 27, 2005, 12:26 PM
Originally posted by puce
well, afterall it is his father, and he respect him a lot. Without his aproval, he would be loosing his familly. I do not call that a choice either. We know what we want, but to get it his dad has to approve.

So basically there is two paths for you:

Path-I: Face the challenge and fight back. Ignore your boy friend's father and continue your love affair with your Indian boy friend. Eventually (hopefully) you will get married, have couple of children, at some point your (future) father-in-law will just forget and forgive, and all of you will be a happy big family again.

Path-II: Acknowledge the challenge and move on as life is too short. Breakup with your boyfriend and move on with your life. Eventually both of you will again find someone you truly love (again). Hopefully in that case there will be no race related issue between you and your fiancé.

In both cases the advise is : <b>Life goes on and time heals.</b>

VladMamu
July 29, 2005, 01:08 PM
Originally posted by puce
well, here is my dilema:

I was just talking to a white woman yesterday whom married into a Hindu family.
In the Hindu family there is something called a caste system. Which is decided on something called (varma - colour). Accordingly, the lighter colour you are the higher caste you belong to, which gives you better jobs and benebits into society. From the lowest "untouchables" whom in history in the villages did the worst jobs, to the highest caste Brahmins, whom were religious leaders, bankers, etc.

Now, she told me when she married into the family, her monther-in-law was happy because she was white,because she would give the appearance of a higher caste.

Now, of course, here in Western countries, in cities at least, it doesn't matter. Here, are value is judged on merit and accomplishements for the majority of us, not the colour of your skin. Your Hindu boyfriend and you both know that. But in the small villages of India, just like in small towns and villages of western worlds, things are lacking behind.

So I was thinking, in order to help your boyfriend's father to accept you, why not have your son point out to him, that it will improve the quality of his caste. You must try to put yourself into THEIR shoes and their way of thinking. Give the father amunition agaist his neighbors, whom in his village are his identity, and what they think defines him (unfotunately, but that is how it is). I would also read and study their ways, all about the region they live in, and learn a little about Hinduism, do some reasearch about them. Only then, after showing some knowledge about them, will they take some of your arguments seriously, I think. You can even pick up some of their language. Learn it, where it is Punjab, Hindi, or Bengali. Tell your son you are willing to learn all about them, and then tell him to tell his dad.
The father may be impressed that you are trying to learn about them. Make it impossible for them to hate you. If they still do, and you gave an honest sincere effort, than your boyfriend will see that, and will grow to dislike his father, and happily choose you over his father. But if his father is reasonalbe, this won't occur.
If you love this man, than learn about his culture anyway, your kids will be halve Indian, and they will enquire. They will want to know where they are from. You will have the proper answers to give them, so it is not a waste.

Good luck sweetie, let me know how it goes, I 'm rather curious.

VladMamu
July 29, 2005, 01:40 PM
Originally posted by puce
well, here is my dilema:

P.S. On the other hand, my wife says dump, him and get a whitte guy!!! ;) hahahaha, just kidding.

My wife says, dump him! He should be standing up for you to his father!

puce
August 4, 2005, 02:26 PM
Thanks for the advice,
actually I am learning Hindi, but I am not sure if his father is aware of my knowledge of the indian culture,
as for the caste system, I ll try
Thanks again for the supprt
Laeti

VladMamu
August 6, 2005, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by puce
Thanks for the advice,
actually I am learning Hindi, but I am not sure if his father is aware of my knowledge of the indian culture,
as for the caste system, I ll try
Thanks again for the supprt
Laeti

Good luck sweetheart. Let us know how it turns out.

desi_pride
August 6, 2005, 03:01 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
Originally posted by puce
well, here is my dilema:

P.S. On the other hand, my wife says dump, him and get a whitte guy!!! ;) hahahaha, just kidding.

My wife says, dump him! He should be standing up for you to his father!

What on earth is your wife talkin about "dump him"

desi_pride
August 6, 2005, 03:07 PM
You can't just tell someone to dump someone else it's disrespectfull and iresponsable !
"pray to god not to take my sunshine away" that's what she said, she loves him I say you should follow your heart even though i don't know much about love and all

VladMamu
August 6, 2005, 04:33 PM
whitguy's wife

first of all Desi Pride I am not being disrespectful and irresponsible !! She wanted my husband's advice and I contributed teeny tiny bit.
If he really loves her then who cares about anyone else.. ultimately it's the two of them together... and others come later so do all the advice:P

desi_pride
August 7, 2005, 10:43 AM
" Who cares about anyone else "
His father raised him since he was born he can't just ignore his father.
Let me gues you don't care about your parents is that your point !
your father must be proud of you !

Edited on, August 7, 2005, 3:45 PM GMT, by desi_pride.

mwrkhan
August 7, 2005, 10:53 AM
Originally posted by desi_pride
His father raised him since he was born he can't just ignore his father.
Let me gues you don't care about your parents is that your point !
your father must be proud of you !

Our parents are our parents, not our masters.

In the end, it is you who are getting married, not your parents.

One has to decide on priorities.

desi_pride
August 7, 2005, 12:17 PM
I never said " they are our masters " I don't know where you got that dude !
What i found wrong about what she said is
1. Dump him
2. Who cares about anyone else

VladMamu
August 7, 2005, 10:06 PM
White Guy's wife

My father loves me, my point of views and insights on life are absolutely different from him.
And parents aren't always right even if they raised us.

jabbar
August 7, 2005, 10:33 PM
zzzzzzzz *snort* zzzzzzzz

VladMamu
August 12, 2005, 04:24 AM
Originally posted by jabbar
zzzzzzzz *snort* zzzzzzzz

You know Mr. Jabbar. You are an extremely intelligent man. I see that from some of your carefully worded and thought out posts.

I would like to resond to zzzzzzz by say you should not say that you are bored. Because, saying you are bored, is like claiming that you are boring. It means you do not have the intellectual capacity to understand relatively simple ordinary conversations and problems. Morever, a truly intelligent and wise man, can participate and converse in several breaths and depeths of the human psyche. One of which could be the down trodden persecuted uneducated illiterate person. Yet, this person, sometimes can hold the key to the complicated wisdom, that our intellectcuality is imprisoning us through overactive verbosity, whereas, the simplicity of the common language, could be much more freeing and interesting than the above passage. However, at least you are not bored.:great::joy: cheers!! Enough procrastination again from me....................

jabbar
August 16, 2005, 12:14 AM
whiteguy,

No hard feelings dude! Just trying to make a point that this thread is going too long. YES, interracial interaction is good, YES, interracial marriages are good, YES, we should # "try to love one another right now" #. Well done to you for making the first step.

*However* (may I be frank for a while?), I think:
(a) You are too early in your marriage to make claims and assertions about interraciality
(b) Of those who have tried; some are happy, some have failed, many are just "stuck" (in my opinion)
(c) (check your u2u for point (c) )

My "zzzzzzz" remark probably was not appropriate, and I apologise. I wish you luck with your marriage, and judging by your honest enthusiasm and passion, I think you'll be alright.

Cheers

Edited on, August 16, 2005, 5:23 AM GMT, by jabbar.

VladMamu
August 16, 2005, 03:54 AM
oh I wasn't offended by the zzzzzzz jabbar. I thought it was funny, and kinda true. I was making fun of you that you can't say you are bored, because it's the same as saying you are boring. I say that to everyone. And you are right on your u2u, this thread is way to long. But can I help it that people keep adding stuff here? Am I to ignore them?

jabbar
August 17, 2005, 08:49 PM
Ignorance is bliss my friend ;)

VladMamu
August 18, 2005, 04:26 AM
Originally posted by jabbar
Ignorance is bliss my friend ;)


Oh, in some cases you are right sir. sometimes....

puce
August 18, 2005, 04:59 PM
Well, White Guy, and Ms White guy,
here is the latest. Advice from hi father: "get over it" and "I was not in love with you mother when I married her but now I am".
But we are keeping our hopes, dreams, prayers.
As my father say we are playing the Robin Hood, but not the fairy tale one. We have to fool everyone....
The hard part is not that his father is stubborn as hell, nor that he is not willing to discuss the matter, it is that this is affecting everyone. It is hurting my family, us, his family, and all his father is preoccupied by what the neighbours are going to think rather than thinking of the harm he is causing.
I wish I could scream [ ] the neighbour and their closed mind set... but I can't.
As for your advice, Ms White guy...... dumping him is not a solution. I know he loves me as much as I do. If not he would have just listen to his father and left.....

Edited on, August 18, 2005, 10:46 PM GMT, by reverse_swing.
Reason: mod.content: Edited.

VladMamu
August 18, 2005, 05:53 PM
Originally posted by jabbar
whiteguy,

No hard feelings dude! Just trying to make a point that this thread is going too long. YES, interracial interaction is good, YES, interracial marriages are good, YES, we should # "try to love one another right now" #. Well done to you for making the first step.

*However* (may I be frank for a while?), I think:
(a) You are too early in your marriage to make claims and assertions about interraciality
(b) Of those who have tried; some are happy, some have failed, many are just "stuck" (in my opinion)
(c) (check your u2u for point (c) )

My "zzzzzzz" remark probably was not appropriate, and I apologise. I wish you luck with your marriage, and judging by your honest enthusiasm and passion, I think you'll be alright.

Cheers

Edited on, August 16, 2005, 5:23 AM GMT, by jabbar.

IN response to your thread now that i'm done school.

Why do you wanna be Frank??? What is wrong with Jabbar? hahaha just kidding...

By the way, Got B+ on India history courses. JJeeejjjj!!!!! I actually skipped the prerequisite with permission.

anyway, now that I have shown off, with no regard for vanity,

a), you have a good point that it is early in my marriage. However, I would rebottle it this way. We click so well on so many levels (and it has been over 2 years since we met) that I am as sure that we will be together forever happily till the end, as the suicide bomber is sure that he is going to heaven. I couldn't think of a better example to overstate my point.

b) there are no stats as of yet to proove if interracial divorce is higher than normal diverce, can't judge it on the douzen or so people you many know. Further, extra stress was created in such unions due to society not accepting it. Thank God!, in most North American large cities this has changed, and doesn't matter anymore. Thirdly, even if the stats showed that it doesn't work out, and society still wasn't accepting of us, I would rather die, than not be with my sould mate. Love is love. It has no barriers. One can't control it. If you mix with femailes, in an open society, you may get lucky enough to fall in love. than, all your perspectives, ideologies, faiths, everything is challenged and/or changed. Especially if it happens to be interracial.

as for c), I think we discussed that.

VladMamu
August 18, 2005, 06:00 PM
Originally posted by puce
Well, White Guy, and Ms White guy,
here is the latest. Advice from hi father: "get over it" and "I was not in love with you mother when I married her but now I am".
But we are keeping our hopes, dreams, prayers.
As my father say we are playing the Robin Hood, but not the fairy tale one. We have to fool everyone....
The hard part is not that his father is stubborn as hell, nor that he is not willing to discuss the matter, it is that this is affecting everyone. It is hurting my family, us, his family, and all his father is preoccupied by what the neighbours are going to think rather than thinking of the harm he is causing.
I wish I could scream [ ] the neighbour and their closed mind set... but I can't.
As for your advice, Ms White guy...... dumping him is not a solution. I know he loves me as much as I do. If not he would have just listen to his father and left.....

Edited on, August 18, 2005, 10:46 PM GMT, by reverse_swing.
Reason: mod.content: Edited.

Good point. He didn't leave, did he? So I guess there is not much to say. In the end it's the two of you, and either his family will be on board, or not.... They will miss out on the grand kids, being grandparents, on the whole thing....
I know this friend of mine, here in Vancouver, and he married (He is Hindu, she a Muslim woman.) They didn't talk (the families) for two years. After the kids came, both sides used them as excuses. Now they are best of friends! Her Muslim family loves him more than her, from the way I heard it. hahaha. And his Hindu parents love her too. So, don't give up hope. But ultimately it's their choice.

also, check my rebottle on post above, in b). (I'd rather die than not have her.)

VladMamu
August 18, 2005, 06:09 PM
Oh yah, and there was a Bangladeshi Muslim man at our wedding who married an Indian woman, too. They had too beautiful little girls dressed in pink outfits, with beautiful smiles, about 5 years old. When you look at those little girls, how can you say the union is wrong! She learned Bangladeshi language and everything. They took pictures with us. Great pics. They gave me a beautiful 24K gold ring. Really nice people. I hope I run into them again. Would love to hear more of their story. Too busy at the wedding.

Anyway puce: Good luck to the both of you. As I, and many members here pointed out, what matters is the two of you. You too will start a new family, and those who choose to not partake will hurt themselves most, and always hurt for taking such a hard stance. Especially if it is their own flesh and blood.

VladMamu
October 24, 2005, 04:58 AM
Hey Orpheus. You mentioned somewhere just recently that you have a girlfriend that works as a cashier. Congratulations my friend. That's great. I hope she treats you well.

Hey, amm, is she Bangladeshi??? ...just wondering..:embaressed:

AsifTheManRahman
October 24, 2005, 08:57 AM
no he said he likes the girl, but she doesn't necessarily like him back :)

Faceoff
October 24, 2005, 02:50 PM
Originally posted by AsifTheManRahman
no he said he likes the girl, but she doesn't necessarily like him back :)

forget abt like, poor girl dont even know him :)

Orpheus
October 24, 2005, 09:24 PM
Ok dude. I don't get it. Why is this thread keep popping up.

Yeah sadly, she only considers me as her customer only :) I blame her for all the bumble been tunaa cans lying around under my bed.

Nah but seriously there is a Mexican cashier though. Very lovely girl. People give her tips instead tipping the packer. How sad! I actually asked her whether I can pack other ppl
's groceries behind her... she said.. NOOO u crazy!

I will talk about my "love" life some other day. I wanna be honest but can't knowing she comes to this board just to spy on me... how freakkkyyy!! I should have never logged in from her computer. Biggest mistake of my life.

Edited on, October 25, 2005, 2:25 AM GMT, by Orpheus.

Hatebreed
October 24, 2005, 09:32 PM
whiteguy, i think you are right... i never had a bangladeshi gf...closest i had was indian which i already told u..... so i guess it's because of u hot white blokes attracting all the desi chicks, I always end up with a desperate white girl ?! :umm:

However I must quote the famous term "defrosted chicken" a lot of white girls use to describe white guys LOL.... and that's because they only like the dark, handsome asian guys ... like meee! :lol:

anyhoooo... just to share with u, my elder bro had singaporean, canadian-french, iraqi and british white gfs but finally got married a bangladeshi girl because his interracial relations didn't quite work out at the end...and it was an arrange marriage too!.... i'm sure you know to some extent that arrange marriage is pretty common in BD even for the moder generation of middle and upper-middle class.... so i wonder considering my NIL track record with bangladeshi girls, will I end up marrying a white girl or have a traditional 'arranged marriage' with a bangladeshi girl?

if i marry a white girl, there's certainly more freedom in a 'lot of ways' hehe ;) ...but there's a high risk of being cheated on, cultural conflicts at some point, boredom etc etc which may eventually lead to divorce.... whereas a bangladeshi girl will be forever loyal to me as long as I treat her right.... also like a cricket selection board i'll get to choose the best of the best, may be even Mix n' match and buy 1 get 1 free!........ haha j/k..........either way, as a Muslim I am entitled to have four wives :embaressed:

eventhough i'm only 18 and have no intention to get married til my late 20s i wana know ur opinion on these circumstances? :cool:

VladMamu
October 25, 2005, 03:20 AM
Originally posted by Orpheus
Ok dude. I don't get it. Why is this thread keep popping up.[/i]

I was just wondering, because you are my daddy and you lectured me about some things. Woudn't it be funny if................well you know. You fell in love with...:love: ....well you know...

It's funny how things in life work out sometimes Orphy. Does that answer your question? :)

Edited on, October 25, 2005, 8:21 AM GMT, by whiteguy.
Reason: forgot quote brackets

[i]Edited on, October 25, 2005, 8:22 AM GMT, by whiteguy.

VladMamu
October 25, 2005, 03:34 AM
Originally posted by Hatebreed
whiteguy, i think you are right... i wana know ur opinion on these circumstances? :cool:

Hatebreed. My father used to say that the trick in life is to make friends out of your enemies. I always kinda liked that, however, when I went up to the smoke pit at lunch hour to try and make enemies with the looser pot smoking, bullies that were throwing me into the bushes and lockers, and became buddies with them....well...let's just say that's not what my father had in mind. I got into a whole lotta trouble with them over the next three years from grade 9 to 12.
But the moral is that sometimes if you try and understand, you can even become friends. Look at Orphy and I?:great:

I would love to respond to your post. There are several stereotypes you have shown in it. I want to actually disect it sentence by sentence because a few people may read it, so I WILL answer, but I have some major projects to do right now on "Eye Witness Identification" and am videotaping a bunch of guys to look like criminals. Psychology and Law. great course. Anway, will respond to you soon, for sure, because you have some misconceptions, (in my view) about some things.

.....till than.
cheers hatebreed. (man I do detest the word hate. ) I will call you HB. Hope that's ok.
p.s. I think your all right too.

Hatebreed
October 25, 2005, 02:22 PM
Originally posted by whiteguy
Originally posted by Hatebreed
whiteguy, i think you are right... i wana know ur opinion on these circumstances? :cool:

Hatebreed. My father used to say that the trick in life is to make friends out of your enemies. I always kinda liked that, however, when I went up to the smoke pit at lunch hour to try and make enemies with the looser pot smoking, bullies that were throwing me into the bushes and lockers, and became buddies with them....well...let's just say that's not what my father had in mind. I got into a whole lotta trouble with them over the next three years from grade 9 to 12.
But the moral is that sometimes if you try and understand, you can even become friends. Look at Orphy and I?:great:

I would love to respond to your post. There are several stereotypes you have shown in it. I want to actually disect it sentence by sentence because a few people may read it, so I WILL answer, but I have some major projects to do right now on "Eye Witness Identification" and am videotaping a bunch of guys to look like criminals. Psychology and Law. great course. Anway, will respond to you soon, for sure, because you have some misconceptions, (in my view) about some things.

.....till than.
cheers hatebreed. (man I do detest the word hate. ) I will call you HB. Hope that's ok.
p.s. I think your all right too.


hahaha before you waste more of your precious time scrutinising my 'misconceptions' and then fail your project (which will make you detest me even more), I'd like to tell you that 'I' have no mistaken idea about a culture other than mine.. if you dissect my post sentence by sentence it will lose its true effect and you'll end up making a whole new bunch of misjudgements.. plus, since you have a fixation with making speculations, I must clarify I'm only want your opinion on my situation of not having a BD gf, whether I might end up marrying one etc etc... However I'd like to add some of my own thoughts, but let's see what you have to say first.... :karate:

p.s. I have no idea why you telling me to make friends with my enemies whereas your own experience turned out sour...care to elaborate? :umm:

VladMamu
November 8, 2005, 05:13 PM
error

Edited on, November 8, 2005, 10:18 PM GMT, by whiteguy.

VladMamu
November 8, 2005, 05:17 PM
Originally posted by Hatebreed

whiteguy, i think you are right... i never had a bangladeshi gf...closest i had was indian which i already told u..... so i guess it's because of u hot white blokes attracting all the desi chicks, I always end up with a desperate white girl ?! :umm:

(Firstly, I've been overwhelmed with school. It is third year and a new BA, and they are really making it hard on us, so sorry it took so long to respond) That said, I wanted to say that I'm glad you are dating multiculturally. It is a good way to get to know other cultures. Not just the girls, but usually you will meet their families and friends too. I think it is a good experience. Further, everyone dates everyone. white girls like black boys a lot, very typical to see. Many asian girls like white boys. Many subcontinent boys are with white girls and asian girls. subcontinent girls, especially desi and lastly Muslim desi is less common because of some of the cultural reasons, which are backed by the religious reasons, understandably, and most girls just don't want the hassle) However, even thought dating out of race and religion is statistically measured at close to 50%, only one of 6 abotu 18% or so, marry out of race / religion here in Vancouver. It is lower in U.S. and U.K., but growing world wide. Still many date outside, and marry withing is my point, like your cousin.

However I must quote the famous term "defrosted chicken" a lot of white girls use to describe white guys LOL.... and that's because they only like the dark, handsome asian guys ... like meee! :lol:

If it is white blond type of girls you are after, they really like black guys. And the darker you are the better they like it. (not all, but a good percentage). Persoanally, I don't like white skin too much, that is why we prefer girls that tan, brown and dark brown is hot!!! I know it's reversed in your culture, but here it's changing a lot, the most attractive girls are considered dark skinned by all races. So whether you are white, brown, black, green, yellow, purple, or just Orphy, there is a girl there for you. (...hahaha just kidding Orphy).
(p.s. there is one type a girl doesn't like in the dating scene, in Western culture. Controlling, pushy, tough acting, mean, unfair, threatning, violent, insecure and a showoff.) (They might like the tough look (example black gangster type), but at home he better be a softie, nice guy, good to his kids type that will come home and be with the family.)

anyhoooo... just to share with u, my elder bro had singaporean, canadian-french, iraqi and british white gfs but finally got married a bangladeshi girl because his interracial relations didn't quite work out at the end...and it was an arrange marriage too!.... i'm sure you know to some extent that arrange marriage is pretty common in BD even for the moder generation of middle and upper-middle class.... so i wonder considering my NIL track record with bangladeshi girls, will I end up marrying a white girl or have a traditional 'arranged marriage' with a bangladeshi girl?

I am aware of the "arranged" marriages. As a matter of fact, my wife was very pressured to arranged marry. Her parents realized she was dating, she dated another white guy from work before me, and dated guys from many cultures, like me, (secretly of course), so her parents even had well off bangladeshi guys fly here from Bangladesh in a desparate bid to get her to marry them. (this was before they met me, but we were already dating.)

Further, I had a sort of "arranged marriage" myself to a Czech girl. My parents came here when I was seven. They told me all the Canadian girls were stupid and dumb and it would never work. They begged me to marry a Czech girl. Finally, I gave in to make them happy. I went over to Czech Republic, and my cousins introduced me to this hot little 17 year old, and I said fine. Three months later we married. It lasted nine years, and was pure hell. I was 21 at the time. We fought and argued every day, and my parents were so upset that they never let me choose a wife. They grew to dislike her too, and she disliked them. Not that arranged marriage is always bad, but in my case it didn't work. We tried hard. Took counselling and everything. But I realized one thing. If I am going to have kids with this woman, it will harm them, because we will always fight and argue and they will not be healthy, happy kids in an argumentative household. So, after 9 years, I left. She had gotten her Bachelor of Business Administration in Accounting, and had a good job, so I felt i am leaving her with an education, job, and no kids, and at the tender age of 24, so she will have a good life and be able to find the kind of man that suits her. Which she did, she found an accountant like her, and I am happy for her.
Me, I found my beautiful desi soul mate, but more than desi, she is Canadian like me. She will have way WAY more in common with me, than she would have with some guy in Bangladesh. And I have way WAY more in common with her than the crazy Czech girl. Sure I spoke the language, and was raised in a Czech home. But I thought English, and grew up in a Canadian school system. I will have more in common with any Canadian girl, any day.


if i marry a white girl, there's certainly more freedom in a 'lot of ways' hehe ;)


This is the misconceptions I was talking about. How is there more freedom? That is so not true. If you marry a (lets not say white but lets say Western, cause it's all the same) Western girl, you will have less freedom. You will have to help with the dishes, cooking, and be expected to come home every day, take care of the kids and help out in the middle of the night when the kids are crying. Both of you have jobs in a Western country, hence, both of you should help out with the family after work. In an arranged marriage, if you get yourself a sub continet girl, she'll be so happy to be in Canada married to a Canadian, UK. whatever, husband, she'll do anything for you. Also, they are taught obediency, and it is in there culture. So you will have more freedom if you arranged marry, don't you think?

...but there's a high risk of being cheated on,

Why? because she is White/ Western? Such b.s. It is the stereotype that if you marry a virgin, you will be better off. Quite the contrare my friend. My first arranged Czech wife was a virgin at 17. And in her early 20's she got curious. It hurt, it hurt a lot. If you marry a women whose had a few boyfriends, she will know that it is the pretty similar with all the boys, and loose her curiosity. If she marries you, she is ready to settle down. I would never trust a virgin myself, ever again! Also, there is always this stereotype that white girls are sluts. Hah!!! Let me shed some light on it for you sub continent boys. I am a white boy whom grew up in a multicultural subcontinent areas. Due to the secrecy of dating and cultural stuff, etc., the subcontinent girls, be it India, or whatever, would date us all the time. And let me tell you, they are fun!!! ;) , but it is all hidden and latent due to the culture, and they might marry their own due to culture, but they date us black, white asian boys all the time, and yes they do put out. (sorry to enlighten you boys). They put their tank tops and tights on, after arriving in highschool/college and look like any Western girl, (hotter). Just like my sister did when she was 14. We came from strick Eastern Europe, which is much like the sub continent, and my dad more than once slapped my sister for wearing make up and tight clothes, so she'd simply change at school, just like the desi girls. (yes I read the thread and had it translated, quite funny responses too to the clothing thread)

cultural conflicts at some point, boredom etc etc which may eventually lead to divorce....

can happen in both

whereas a bangladeshi girl will be forever loyal to me as long as I treat her right....

I think I answered that above. If she is Western Bangladeshi, and was born here, or very young, than she is not Bangladeshi anymore. She will have sex with you and tell you it is first time and tell you she was a virgin, by telling you she wants to wait a day or two or week or two, after her period is almost over. Than she will let you believe that she was a virgin to trick you. This is what the poor sub continent girls have to do with you boys, because you don't want to see that an apple is an apple. Further this Western Bangladeshi girl will leave your butt if you don't treat her right, or she will cheat on you if you don't treat her right. Now, if your wife is DIRECTLY from Bangladesh, she may be faithful and follow your every word. After all, who wants to have battery acid thrown in their face? She will be afraid, and will do what you say, for there are stories of how women did not listen to their husbands, or cheated, just look at what happened to them. (thread below)

http://www.medbc.com/annals/review/vol_14/num_3/text/vol14n3p115.asp

also like a cricket selection board i'll get to choose the best of the best, may be even Mix n' match and buy 1 get 1 free!........ haha j/k..........either way, as a Muslim I am entitled to have four wives :embaressed:

I looked into that. And only if your wife agrees. She must agree. If she wouldn't mind more wifes to help with housework and if you could support them all, than it's ok. If your Muslim wife doesn't agree, you can't do it. It is in the Koran written like that. I asked mine (hahaha) and she got enraged, so don't even ask any Western Muslim girl, she kill yah. lol. I would have converted instantly. lol. (just kidding honey - incase you read this) :embaressed:

even though i'm only 18 and have no intention to get married til my late 20s i wana know ur opinion on these circumstances? :cool:

So my opinion? If you were less than a teenager when you moved to a Western country, you are more Western than you think. And similarily so are the girls. You will have much greater chance of success with any Wester girl. If she can be Western Bangladeshi, that would be ideal really, if you treat her right, but since there aren't many where you are Western would be better way to go. After all, don't you want to be loved and cared about in every way possible? You could have, over time that, with arranged marriage. But I'd rather have a good time with my loving wife cooking meals with her smiling and laughing in the kitchen, than have some robotic wife from Bangladesh marry me for the totally wrong reasons, and treat me like some asset and vice versa, because she and her family wanted to get into a Western country.

So my advice to you, date lots, and find a Western girl like you are, race don't matter, but it is easier if she's of subcontinent of course for family reasons similarity, but in the end you are living with her and not your or her family, and families do come around after awhile. (unless they are crazy - like that honour killing dude and his sons. Jeesshhh!!!)

Hope that helps. p.s. for the guys who came in their teens, you are stuck in between cultures. That is tough. I'd suggest if you are not completely Western, than go for arranged, or better yet, find a girl who came in her teens liek you. It's when you are under 13 than you tend to be more western than anything. I was 7 and my wife was 11 when we emigrated to Canada.

cheers boys, wish you luck in finding that happiness. There are exceptions to every rule, in the end we wanna be happy. I'm the happiest guy on Earth now with my Bangladeshi Canadian wife!



We are both studying to be school teachers, and are planning 5 children. Although, we may adopt two, to help out some children whom are as lucky :up: as we are!!

]

Edited on, November 8, 2005, 10:37 PM GMT, by whiteguy.

jabbar
November 8, 2005, 06:56 PM
With all respect whiteguy, I think you say too much and are full of s**t at times. Your comment:


I think I answered that above. If she is Western Bangladeshi, and was born here, or very young, than she is not Bangladeshi anymore. She will have sex with you and tell you it is first time and tell you she was a virgin, by telling you she wants to wait a day or two or week or two, after her period is almost over. Than she will let you believe that she was a virgin to trick you. This is what the poor sub continent girls have to do with you boys, because you don't want to see that an apple is an apple. Further this Western Bangladeshi girl will leave your butt if you don't treat her right, or she will cheat on you if you don't treat her right. Now, if your wife is DIRECTLY from Bangladesh, she may be faithful and follow your every word. After all, who wants to have battery acid thrown in their face? She will be afraid, and will do what you say, for there are stories of how women did not listen to their husbands, or cheated, just look at what happened to them. (thread below)


... is bulls**t. I have heard Bangladeshi girls these days dating and doing the whole "thing" from early ages. They are totally out of control. They are worse than western girls (in this regard). Your comment that Bangladeshi girls will listen to you and do whatever you say, and not cheat, etc. is ill-informed at best.

Personally, I married early (24). I was born and brought up in australia, and my wife is from a similar background to me (not born, but brought up in a western country). We are similar age (this is important, I think), and hold very similar values (religious, no dating prior to marriage, family-oriented).

I think your comment that a virgin will 'get curious' is not accurate. I sympathise with your experience, but that is just one bad egg. To say that people with more 'experience' are less inclined to cheat is a gross generalisation. In fact, those who have 'slept around' may have the tendancy to have affairs with old flames. I suppose that the lifestyle of a bachelor who dates and 'has fun' can be exciting and pleasurable, so when these people eventually marry, they may miss this lifestyle and have occasional flings when they get bored or discontent. The mentality of searching for fun, love and/or security in different relationships during single life may carry over to married life - with disastorous consequences.

I implore others who have read this thread to consider a life that is halal and refrain from the 'dating scene' that causes emotional damage. Rather, you be patient and choose your (hopefully) first and only partner with extreme care and respect for each other. To guys like Hatebreed, I encourage you to stop and think about what you are doing, or are planning to do.

And to whiteguy, I acknowledge your intentions (of spreading teh good word about racial mixing, etc.), but I think you are uninformed about a lot of Bangaldeshi society. There is a lot of scum that lurks beneath the cream of society in Bangladesh, and I feel that you don't know the whole story (other than what you see in your BD family and friends, and the news flashes about husbands throwing acid on the face of their wives, etc.)

Peace out.

Edited on, November 8, 2005, 11:57 PM GMT, by jabbar.

VladMamu
November 8, 2005, 09:36 PM
...just one last post before I get back to work on my school stuff. I think that many Western women from non Western parents (and this includes all cultures-be it my sister from Czech, Bangladesh, China,etc.), feel a sense of freedom in these countries. It is good to try and steer this young women, be it male or female, to be a good, descent, moral woman. Of course. But if she chooses the Western lifestyle, (as she is influenced by everything from television, shopping malls, girlfriends, elementary school, highschool, etc., etc., ) she may not want to be Un Western no matter how much hear parents plead, push, and threaten. She may choose to do things her way, the Western way. And if she wants to attract a "quality male," she wants to show her fertility, and figure to some degree as this is important for reproduction purposes. She will attract a better mate (educated, smart, wise, loveing, caring, non drugging or alcoholic, and hopefully faithful.) She must show her health and fertility to men. (keep in mind this is all done suconsciously, girls arent actually aware of the underlying mechanisms which drive them to do what they de.) As to dating, intimate experience, and finding her own mate. If a daughter is "out of control" like you say many are, and I do know what you mean, the worst thing a parent can do is to try and stuff more of these ideas down her throats. It simply will not work. (My opinion.) These are the girls that need tolerance, understanding, and a more open mind. In the end they are free to leave the home in their teens and do what they want. If they are forced to leave earlier than usually, without first finding the "right" guy, it will harm them. If they have understanding parents, they are more likely to date, get hurt, realize it is hard to find a mate, and eventually settle down in an "semi arranged" marriage within their own culture. If they are completely pushed away, there is no chance of that, or it they are completely pushed into arrange marriage, they will just divorce very quickly. (like I've seen happen.)

I think every parent loves their offspring and wants to do what is best for them and their families.

Keep in mind my perspective is different. I just finished studying women's mating strategies and men's mating strategies. My next two chapters are Problems with Kinship, Problems of Parenting. We look at it from a biological, evolutionary and psychological perspective, with the many MANY religions and ceremonies being expressed as functions of biological environmental and psycholgical influences that have helped create the ceremonies for the protection and good of everyone.

Next January I will be taking Cultural Psychology, so if I am so out of touch Jabbar, maybe this will help me. It should be interesting. It will be a great term. Cultural Psychology, Health Psychology and India: independence to present day. (which includes Bangladesh and Pakistan)
I am getting this influx of information from Psychology and sub continental history, with the attitudes from guys in my bar, my Czech backround, my Bangladeshi exposure, and my Canadian upbringing. It is interesting because I kind of feel like I have a bit of understanding from both sides, and totally see where the misconceptions and misinformations occure but it's hard to explain, put into words, and I have to go STUDY STUDY STUDY.

But I have incredible respect of Bengali culture, Muslim religion, the entire subcontinent, have learned tons, and share what I think are my opinions due to my knowleadge from a variety of sources, which are unique to me, and quite different from the average Jo or Mohammed.

So Peace to you all. Even though I don't post anymore, I read every day and enjoy this forum very much.

p.s. if anyone does want some advice (I'm not smart, but my experiences are unique due to my unique exposure) and you have a renegade dauther, or want to know about Western girls and dating, than u2u me. My psych backround and subcontinet exposure might help, it might not. Maybe I'm more messed up than everyone - lol - you be the judge - I will respond though in between finals.
Simirarily, if I had a computer question, accounting questions etc., I'd go to one of you, (as I have a couple of times - and thank you for your help)

jabbar
November 9, 2005, 06:28 PM
no worries WG. keep it up dude, you'll get there someday ;)

tiger_man
November 9, 2005, 11:43 PM
lots of sex in this thread;) go shada bhai..!! (though i dont agree with ur views)

Edited on, November 10, 2005, 4:44 AM GMT, by tiger_man.

VladMamu
November 10, 2005, 07:47 PM
Originally posted by tiger_man
lots of sex in this thread;) go shada bhai..!! (though i dont agree with ur views)

Edited on, November 10, 2005, 4:44 AM GMT, by tiger_man.


Huh? I think you are thinking about sex. The discussions are about marriages, dating, and yes, sexual preferences, i.e. sex before marriage or after, etc. and correlations of sexual experiences and cheating.

Legitimate social issues.

You make it sound like my thread is full of ****.

That's not cool! I think these are relevant discussions that face teens world wide, and were talked about in a PG fassion, imo. There's more "sex" as you put it on MTV videos at 3pm afternoon, when the kids come home.

Shada Bhai. over.

Hatebreed
November 11, 2005, 09:14 PM
geeez dude u write way too much! i only asked for your opinions and you went on to write a dissertation!.... ahh plz keep your comments concise and comprehensible...

anyway... it took me ages to read and understand 'to some extent' whatever you are talking about.... and I noticed you are suffering from a few newfounded misconceptions..

so let me clarify:



However, even thought dating out of race and religion is statistically measured at close to 50%, only one of 6 abotu 18% or so, marry out of race / religion here in Vancouver. It is lower in U.S. and U.K., but growing world wide. Still many date outside, and marry withing is my point, like your cousin.

Your Vancouver interracial dating stats don't really mean anything to me.. the UK has quite a different scene here from my observation and comparison of how you always describe the growing 'VANCOUVER INTERRACIALPARADISE'.. besides, my problem isn't about 'interracial' dating/marriage... I already told you I don't get on with 'BANGLADESHI' girls here... I am more than ok with white girls, in fact I even got asked out by two black girls.



If it is white blond type of girls you are after, they really like black guys. And the darker you are the better they like it. (not all, but a good percentage). Persoanally, I don't like white skin too much, that is why we prefer girls that tan, brown and dark brown is hot!!! I know it's reversed in your culture, but here it's changing a lot, the most attractive girls are considered dark skinned by all races. So whether you are white, brown, black, green, yellow, purple, or just Orphy, there is a girl there for you. (...hahaha just kidding Orphy).

Again, I'm not after any specific race, group or religion.. if you must know, I've had one pure blonde gf long time ago and another with blonde streaks... the rest were brunettes ;)

In fact, I don't know many blonde girls.. I first heard the term 'defrosted chicken' from my half German/Scottish ex-gf who FIY was a brunette with hazel eyes... and she wasn't the only to say it :)

If you're saying people of Green, Yellow, Purple, Blue etc colours exist, it's most likely white people in different weather or living conditions... you may have noticed dark-skinned people don't really seem to change in colour when we're shy, embarassed, ill, cold, hot, living or dead.



(p.s. there is one type a girl doesn't like in the dating scene, in Western culture. Controlling, pushy, tough acting, mean, unfair, threatning, violent, insecure and a showoff.) (They might like the tough look (example black gangster type), but at home he better be a softie, nice guy, good to his kids type that will come home and be with the family.)

I'm not a tough black gangsta from the ghetto... i'm soft-spoken, slim, only 5'8, fair skin, brown eyes and look kinda young for my age..

the white girls you're talkin about that like tough black gangsta type guys are referred as 'chavs', 'trendies'... whereas all the girls I dated are into sweet, sensible, enjoyable, adventerous and outgoing guys into rock music, not hiphop or guncrime... these girls are usually referred as 'greebos', 'emos', 'skater punks', and sometimes 'goth'... eventhough I despise the whole idea of cliché labels...

so anyway, this is the scenario.... I go out with a bunch of white girls who are mature, sensible, dress smart and like rock music, concerts, festivals and drink fairtrade coffee - NOT a bunch of white girls who wear huge gold earrings, bling-blings, flashy tracksuits, nike trainers, listen to hiphop/rnb nonsense and like to get called 'biatch' and '$lut' all the time..... these kind of girls don't apply to me.. so the 'tough' guys can have em'!



I am aware of the "arranged" marriages. As a matter of fact, my wife was very pressured to arranged marry. Her parents realized she was dating, she dated another white guy from work before me, and dated guys from many cultures, like me, (secretly of course), so her parents even had well off bangladeshi guys fly here from Bangladesh in a desparate bid to get her to marry them. (this was before they met me, but we were already dating.)

Further, I had a sort of "arranged marriage" myself to a Czech girl. My parents came here when I was seven. They told me all the Canadian girls were stupid and dumb and it would never work. They begged me to marry a Czech girl. Finally, I gave in to make them happy. I went over to Czech Republic, and my cousins introduced me to this hot little 17 year old, and I said fine. Three months later we married. It lasted nine years, and was pure hell. I was 21 at the time. We fought and argued every day, and my parents were so upset that they never let me choose a wife. They grew to dislike her too, and she disliked them. Not that arranged marriage is always bad, but in my case it didn't work. We tried hard. Took counselling and everything. But I realized one thing. If I am going to have kids with this woman, it will harm them, because we will always fight and argue and they will not be healthy, happy kids in an argumentative household. So, after 9 years, I left. She had gotten her Bachelor of Business Administration in Accounting, and had a good job, so I felt i am leaving her with an education, job, and no kids, and at the tender age of 24, so she will have a good life and be able to find the kind of man that suits her. Which she did, she found an accountant like her, and I am happy for her.
Me, I found my beautiful desi soul mate, but more than desi, she is Canadian like me. She will have way WAY more in common with me, than she would have with some guy in Bangladesh. And I have way WAY more in common with her than the crazy Czech girl. Sure I spoke the language, and was raised in a Czech home. But I thought English, and grew up in a Canadian school system. I will have more in common with any Canadian girl, any day.

I sympathise with you that your first / only arrange marriage did not work out. TBH, I don't think the problems faced in arranged marriage have much to do with race or culture whether you are white/christian or bengali/muslim - the bad outcomes are somewhat universal. I can say that because I have seen my male cousins settled abroad getting arrange marriages, and I predicted from the beginning they'd have problems and they did! Not only they had regular fights, one of them got divorced. FIY, that happened in Canada and the girl was Bangladeshi but brought up there.



This is the misconceptions I was talking about. How is there more freedom? That is so not true. If you marry a (lets not say white but lets say Western, cause it's all the same) Western girl, you will have less freedom. You will have to help with the dishes, cooking, and be expected to come home every day, take care of the kids and help out in the middle of the night when the kids are crying. Both of you have jobs in a Western country, hence, both of you should help out with the family after work. In an arranged marriage, if you get yourself a sub continet girl, she'll be so happy to be in Canada married to a Canadian, UK. whatever, husband, she'll do anything for you. Also, they are taught obediency, and it is in there culture. So you will have more freedom if you arranged marry, don't you think?


When I said "certainly more freedom in a 'lot of ways'", I was not talking about not helping out in the housework or anything like that. If I had to to say that I'd say exactly what you said about sub-continental girls who are more than happy to obey you and take full responsibility of the housework, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc.

By freedom I meant still being able to have a 'guys only' evening or a friday, saturday, sunday night, going out, having fun without having to give explanation to traditional, muslim wife who would have growing worries and suspicions about my 'extracurriculur' activities.. eventhough this would be biased to say since I haven't been with any asian girl, white girls are more adventerous whether in bed or elsewhere.. furthermore, marrying white/western girl in a western country means they are already aware and open about the western culture, lifestyle, etc... do you think a traditional, obedient, sub-continental girl would have any idea?

That's freedom my friend ;)



Why? because she is White/ Western? Such b.s. It is the stereotype that if you marry a virgin, you will be better off. Quite the contrare my friend.

What the heck are you talking about? You do know that white/western people have highest divorce rates right?

Being cheated on is one of the primary reasons why this happens... you yourself have said an arrange marriage to sub-continental girl means she will "do anything for you. Also, they are taught obediency, and it is in there culture.".... So therefore according to you if I married a traditional Bangladeshi Muslim girl who just set foot out of the boat (poor translation of a Bengali saying: "matro lonch er theika namse"), I'd be better off... doesn't that quite contradict your statement?

Again, I sympathise with your upsetting experience, but since you have experieced it with a czech white girl you should better know why my statement is so true.. but you are tying to cover it up with this excuse, may be because this experience has turned you insecure about virgin girls as a whole... but dude, 'shaak diye machh dhaka jai na' - 'you cannot cover up fish with spinach'...(another poor translation of a bengali saying)... :drool:

besides being virgin is not the only reason that makes a girl become curious.. when her man is 'incompetent' or 'tiny' to fulfill her sexual desires, she might gradually become bored of him.. thankfully i think i have mastered myself in that department;)

*coughs*... anyway, did I ever say if I marry a girl she must be virgin regardless of her race or origin? No.. but YOU did my friend and it unfortunately turned out sour.. that does not mean all virgin girls are like that... face this, I doubt there are many white girls in her mid 20s (because that's the age I'd like to marry) who is still a virgin or had very few or no past sexual relations... in which case by that age she must have already had her own experience and the chance to fulfill her curiousity which kinda kills the argument about virgin girls getting curious after marriage.... very poor excuse!.... your experience may just be a bad egg like jabbar suggested..


Also, there is always this stereotype that white girls are sluts. Hah!!! Let me shed some light on it for you sub continent boys. I am a white boy whom grew up in a multicultural subcontinent areas. Due to the secrecy of dating and cultural stuff, etc., the subcontinent girls, be it India, or whatever, would date us all the time. And let me tell you, they are fun!!! , but it is all hidden and latent due to the culture, and they might marry their own due to culture, but they date us black, white asian boys all the time, and yes they do put out. (sorry to enlighten you boys). They put their tank tops and tights on, after arriving in highschool/college and look like any Western girl, (hotter). Just like my sister did when she was 14. We came from strick Eastern Europe, which is much like the sub continent, and my dad more than once slapped my sister for wearing make up and tight clothes, so she'd simply change at school, just like the desi girls. (yes I read the thread and had it translated, quite funny responses too to the clothing thread)

This is no enlightenment...I know very well there are always some whitewashed, western asian girls who have no bounds to who they date, sleep with or end up marrying... couple of days ago I got added on MSN by this hot Indian chick from (and b&b in) usa... she was telling me she only finds white boys attractive because there aren't many good looking indian guys in chicago (where's she's from).. she's christian too (predominantly from family, not convert)... so I asked her why the hell did she bother adding me - some bengali guy who lives thousands of miles away... her answer was very pleasant which i'd rather not discuss to make myself seem more vein :lol:

Nevertheless, these few western asian girls in tank tops, mini skirts, tights don't count as desi girls anymore since you have said " If she is Western Bangladeshi, and was born here, or very young, than she is not Bangladeshi anymore. She will have sex with you and tell you it is first time and tell you she was a virgin, by telling you she wants to wait a day or two or week or two, after her period is almost over.." - I will discuss this in a bit.....

Another misconception you seem to have is that I am comparing a risky marriage to a 'white girl' with a 'western Asian girl' - NO.. I've already clarified twice my choices for marriage are either a western white girl of my choice OR end up gettin an arranged marriage with a traditional Bangladeshi girl FROM Bangladesh.. capiche?



can happen in both

what do you mean 'both'?... are you saying cultural conflicts may occur if I marry (arranged) a Bangladeshi girl instead? :umm:



I think I answered that above. If she is Western Bangladeshi, and was born here, or very young, than she is not Bangladeshi anymore. She will have sex with you and tell you it is first time and tell you she was a virgin, by telling you she wants to wait a day or two or week or two, after her period is almost over. Than she will let you believe that she was a virgin to trick you. This is what the poor sub continent girls have to do with you boys, because you don't want to see that an apple is an apple. Further this Western Bangladeshi girl will leave your butt if you don't treat her right, or she will cheat on you if you don't treat her right.
This is a very biased judgement because you don't know or been with every kind of Bangladeshi / 'desi' western girl have you? You seem very fixated to the whole idea behind 'virgin girls and their conspiracies'... frankly, I don't care if she's virgin or not as long as she doesn't go off for a quickie with someone else while we're together... after marriage it's a totally different thing.. no sane-minded guy or girl would want his/her partner to have sexual relationship with other people.. so in that case if I have to marry a western Bangladeshi girl, I'll choose carefully who will devote herself only to me as much as I'd do to her.. :heart:


Now, if your wife is DIRECTLY from Bangladesh, she may be faithful and follow your every word. After all, who wants to have battery acid thrown in their face? She will be afraid, and will do what you say, for there are stories of how women did not listen to their husbands, or cheated, just look at what happened to them.
This is another oreconceived notion you have adopted about arrange marriage to girl straight from bangladesh... just what I was expecting when you said you are aware of "arranged" marriages..

If I marry a Bangladeshi girl DIRECTLY from Bangladesh, she'll be someone from a good middle-class family with a good background, good education and career plans in parallel to family... so for your kind information, I'm not preying any poor, misfortunate bangladeshi girl who has no choice but to marry me and obey my every command just to save herself from being beaten and mutilated, or may be just to get a british passport.. :duh:

I looked into that. And only if your wife agrees. She must agree. If she wouldn't mind more wifes to help with housework and if you could support them all, than it's ok. If your Muslim wife doesn't agree, you can't do it. It is in the Koran written like that. I asked mine (hahaha) and she got enraged, so don't even ask any Western Muslim girl, she kill yah. lol. I would have converted instantly. lol. (just kidding honey - incase you read this)
HaHaHa!..well as far as I know, multiple marriage aka 'polygamy' is not allowed in the UK... not sure what's the law for other western countries, but whatever it is I don't intend to have more than one wife.... I've had the pleasure of a threesome which will last me an entire lifetime :heart::embaressed::heart:



So my opinion? If you were less than a teenager when you moved to a Western country, you are more Western than you think. And similarily so are the girls. You will have much greater chance of success with any Wester girl. If she can be Western Bangladeshi, that would be ideal really, if you treat her right, but since there aren't many where you are Western would be better way to go. After all, don't you want to be loved and cared about in every way possible? You could have, over time that, with arranged marriage. But I'd rather have a good time with my loving wife cooking meals with her smiling and laughing in the kitchen, than have some robotic wife from Bangladesh marry me for the totally wrong reasons, and treat me like some asset and vice versa, because she and her family wanted to get into a Western country.

So my advice to you, date lots, and find a Western girl like you are, race don't matter, but it is easier if she's of subcontinent of course for family reasons similarity, but in the end you are living with her and not your or her family, and families do come around after awhile. (unless they are crazy - like that honour killing dude and his sons. Jeesshhh!!!)

I settled in England when I was 12.. now I am 18 years old... I think I've made adapted well to the western culture in these 6 years - but let me know clarify one last fact that I'm no less of a Bangladeshi than I was back at home... I can call UK my adapted home and the girls... well they are just nice ;)

However, what I wanted to tell you about 'western' aka British born and brought up Bangladeshi girls here is that majority of them are from 'Sylheti' origin... if you don't know what that means, Sylhet is a district/division in Bangladesh and majority of the predominant Bangladeshi minority in the UK come from that region... now according to your little theory about western Bangladeshi girls, eventhough a lot of these sylheti girls are pretty 'off-track' about dating and the other stuff, they don't seem to be interested or associate with - in fact NO sylheti youth, boy or girl, seem to like any Bangladeshi (especially 'Dhakaiyas' - people from Dhaka, Bangladesh) who is NOT from a 'Sylheti' origin.. as a matter of fact, they call anyone from outside Sylhet a 'dhakaiya'.. which may sound very strange but it's a fact.... I still haven't uncovered why they despise non-Sylhetis so much in spite of being part of a new generation of youth in the 21st century!.. ironically, one of my best friends is a Sylheti... so there are some decent people who do not discriminate other Bangladeshis because of their origin or whatever...

So that could be and possibly is the main reason why I don't get along with 'western Bangladeshi girls in the UK'.... however, my brother-in-law has a cousin (b&b here), who is damn HOT and at least her family origin is not sylheti.... she's my biggest hope! :cool:

Anyway, I've written enough... thanks for the advice.. since I'm already experienced at interracial dating, now I need to concentrate on dating a Bangladesh western girl for the reasons you've stated, and also for a desi taste ay? ;)

Allow me to share that I too am a student of university, doing BSc in Internet Computing... programming, advanced maths and information systems are very complicated subjects and I have 3 assignments to do on them by the 25th.... so my utmost request to you, PLEASE keep your posts short, relevant and free from misjudgements...I will not survive reading, let alone reply to another of your 'gorur rochona'.

:fire:

Fazal
November 13, 2005, 04:10 PM
OMG !!!

Don't underestimate the power of whiteguy (or is it wiseguy ??) and list so called long messages.

Now see eventually what it did to Hatebreed? Another whiteguy in making?

VladMamu
November 13, 2005, 04:23 PM
Originally posted by Fazal
OMG !!!

Don't underestimate the power of whiteguy (or is it wiseguy ??) and list so called long messages.

Now see eventually what it did to Hatebreed? Another whiteguy in making?

hahaha. OH common. He was a "whiteguy" in hiding. I just brought it from him.



Edited on, November 13, 2005, 9:24 PM GMT, by whiteguy.

Hatebreed
November 14, 2005, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by Fazal
OMG !!!

Don't underestimate the power of whiteguy (or is it wiseguy ??) and list so called long messages.

Now see eventually what it did to Hatebreed? Another whiteguy in making?

LMAO no way.. what I wrote is nothing compared to WG's essay-writing rampage!.. I just wanna make sure there is no misconceptions about me or what I say.. so I'm merely trying to respond 'adaquately' to his level... let's hope I I've done the job! :)

otherwise you probably heard of the Hindi saying: 'latho ka bhoot baato se nehi maanta'....'ghosts of the kicks does not listen to talk... ?' :umm:



Edited on, November 15, 2005, 1:56 AM GMT, by Hatebreed.

proud
November 20, 2005, 02:39 AM
hey white guy, congrats on your marriage. your the first czech person that I know is married to a bangladeshi person. one of my uncle got married to an austrian, and there are relatives who got married to australian, german and others too.

i had a few friends from czech republic too. i can remember only few names, katherina sobanova , jana bulirova and pavlina.

My relatives went to Prague and they said it was really nice. A few days ago i went to Davis and there i went to a czech restaurant and oh my God, the desserts were amazing. Since then i am still dreaming about those czech desserts and cant wait till i go back and have them. The place is called Little Prague and I am definitely going back there soon.

Oh btw, I have a friend who lives in Vancouver and he said its really beautiful. Hopefully I will visit Vancouver someday.
:up:

VladMamu
November 20, 2005, 01:31 PM
Thank you proud.

Sounds like you have a very multicultural family and friends. That's awesome. Are you Bangladeshi? Where do you live?

By the way Czech desserts are completely out of this world, aren't they? That and Czech dumplings and Schnitzel. mmmmm. I can't wait to go back for some more.