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Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:48 PM
The way Bangladesh have been playing recently is definitely a joke, but I dont find it funny so here I am posting cricket jokes that are actually funny. Well not all of them, really.

Mods can shift this thread to any forum they want. I didnt know where exactly to open this thread.

The jokes should be taken the way you take a joke. If you havent got a sense of humour dont bother reading.

Other members are most welcome to post, but lets not get too many "Sardarji" jokes and also other races for that matter. Lets poke fun at the player, not the country he belongs to.

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:50 PM
What’s the difference between Nasser Hussain and Saddam Hussein?
Saddam Hussein has more victories.

How can you say “Get Out” to Habibul Bashar politely?
Ans: Ask him to go to bat.

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:53 PM
What's Javed Omars (Gollas) favourite bird?
Ans: Duck.

Back in the pavilion, the batsman was talking to a team mate. 'I can't understand it,' he said, 'The ball hit my head and the wicket-keeper caught it, but the umpire gave me out’. His friend looked sympathetic. 'Sometimes they go by sound

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:54 PM
Devils versus Angels cricket match

The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket.
"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.
"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:55 PM
A cricket coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed maths, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a maths question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and give me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:57 PM
Two rival cricketers were talking.
'The local team wants me to play for them very badly.'
'Well, you're just the right man for the job.'

The young man was at a dinner party with a pretty girl, but spent the entire evening talking of nothing but cricket. He described all the matches he had played in great detail, how many runs he had scored and so on. Eventually, he stopped and said, 'this must be boring for you, me talking of cricket all the time.'
'Not at all,' she said. 'Tell me, what is cricket?'

Yasin
July 21, 2007, 11:58 PM
Just before the match, the secretary received a message in his office. There's an umpire down here with two friends. Wants to know if they can come in.'
'No,' replied the secretary , 'the man's obviously lying.'
'How do you make that out?'
'Whoever heard of an umpire with two friends.

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:00 AM
An American who knew nothing of the game had been taken to a few cricket matches by a friend and was now studying the end-of-season averages.
Every now and then he came across an asterisk and the words: 'Signifies not out.' Finally, he turned to his friend and said:
'Why don't you get this guy Signifies to play for your side? He's never out!'

An American had been told to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the teams came out and the batsman scored four runs off the first six balls. Then the umpire called "OVER". "Well," he said, getting up, "it's a nice game - but it's very short!"

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:01 AM
Yorkshiremen are known for their devotion to cricket. In fact, one day, an avid Yorkshire fan was asked, 'If your wife and Geoff Boycott were in a house that was falling over a cliff, who would you save?' 'Are you kidding?' was the reply. 'My wife's a lousy bat.

In the 1970s, two dedicated Yorkshiremen were at the match. One discovered that he'd left his wallet at home and friend offered to go back for it. He returned pale and shaken.
'I've got bad news for thee, Bob. Your wife s run off and left thee, and your house 'as burned to the ground!'
'I've got worse news for thee, lad. Boycott's out.'

A Yorkshireman had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by telegram. One day, he got the following telegram: 'Regret father died this morning STOP early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP Yorkshire two hundred and one for six STOP Boycott not out ninety six.'

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:02 AM
'I'm proud to say that in thirty years of playing cricket, I've never scored less than twenty five runs and never taken less than three wickets,' said George.
'I wish I could say that,' said Ted.
Harry spoke up. 'Well, why don't you? George just did!'

The demon bowler sent his thunderbolts whizzing past batsman and wicket-keeper for boundary byes from every ball of his opening over. The captain said, 'I think I'll rest you for a while.'
'You can't do that,' said the bowler. 'I've just bowled a maiden over.
'Women like that are a luxury I can't afford at the moment,' acidly replied the captain.

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:03 AM
The spider walk to the crease.
'Oh no, not him again,' sighed the grasshopper. 'Is he good?' asked a beetle.
'It's not that,' said the grasshopper, 'it's just that he stays in so long.
The only way to get him out is l.l.l.l.l.l.b.w. !

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:04 AM
Kambli - Killed All Mediocre Bowling, Left Immediately
Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land
Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail And Delivered
More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere
Gavaskar - Grafting Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result/ Goes Around Venting Angry Spiel Kicking About Rudely
Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling
Azharuddin - Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry, Rivetting Umpteen Devoted Doting Indian Nationals
Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells
Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting, Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours Keeps A Record
Amarnath - After Many A Reincarnation, Now Acknowledged Top Hand
Prasanna - Prince Radiant Among Spinners, Astutely Nailed Nimble Attackers
Bedi - Beautifully Executed Deliveries Indefinitely
Chandra - Cleverly Hides Another Nagging Delivery Really Accurately
Shastri - Shall His Achievements Still Truly Remain Interred?
Srinath - Simply Ravishing Incutters, Not A Ten-wicket Haul
Kumble - Killer Universal, Makes Batsmen Leave Embarassed
Sidhu - Shall I Drop Him Unfairly?
Mongia - Many Of Nayan's Gatherings Instigate Admiration
Raman - Remember, All Madrasis Are Nervous
Amol - Another Mumbai-ite Overly Lauded?
Muzumdar - Mediocre Underachiever Zealously Undertakes Many Drives And Run-outs

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:07 AM
Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs.
They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed.
When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.
"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end. Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."
"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"
"Then it begins to rain."

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:08 AM
Bangladesh Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)
Caller :"Can I talk to Habibul Bashar Please,I am his friend."
Bangladesh Team Manager:"Sorry,he went to bat"
Bashar's friend:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:11 AM
APPEAL - What is left in the fruit bowl after the lunch break.
BAIL - What a batsman does immediately after getting out cheaply.
BOWL - Where APPEAL is kept.
LEG BREAK - Incentive for Indian batsmen if they cross bookies.
MISFIELD - Daughter of Mr Field.
RUN BETWEEN THE WICKETS - The result of an Indian curry.
SILLY POINT - Sunil Gavaskar's commentary.

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:13 AM
Foolproof Fielding - Habibul Bashar
Evils of Gambling - Shane Warne and Mark Waugh
Diplomacy - Umpire Darrel Hair
My Maiden Test Century- Courtney Walsh (only the covers printed so far)
Books from Geoffrey Boycott - Playing For Your Team, French Conversation Skills, 101 Ways to Show Her You Care with the sequel Understanding Women.
Shoaib Akhtars Fitness Secrets
The Catcher In The Deep - Venkatesh Prasad
A Tail Of Two Runs - Anil Kumble, Ajit Agarkar, Javagal Srinath and Venkatesh Prasad

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:14 AM
At the start of the Indian innings(280 required for a win)
Ganguly to Ramesh "I am not comfortable with Akhtar's pace. So I will attack Akram and u take care of Akhtar."
After 4 overs(with hardly any runs on the board), Ramesh to Ganguly "These guys are bowling very fast. We will see them off and then attack Mahmood and Saqlain."
After 13 overs(when Azhar Mahmood and Saqlain were bowling), Ganguly to Dravid "I don't think we can score off these guys as well. We will wait for Arshad Khan and Shahid Afridi. Surely we can easily attack them. After all, Shahid Afridi is a part-time bowler."
After Afridi bowled some overs, Dravid to Robin Singh "Don't worry, Robin. I heard that English bowlers are easier to score off. We will play out 50 overs and attack in the next match."
At the end of the match, Joshi to Mongia "Why didn't u try to force the pace?"
Mongia to Joshi "No, yaar. If I try to force the pace against these bowlers, I will get out. There is only one way by which I can score runs fast without getting out. You have to bowl to me."

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:15 AM
'What was your highest score?' 'A hundred and ten not out.'
'Mine was a hundred and twenty not out'.
'And what was the most number of wickets you took?'.
'Oh, no. This time you go first.'

The captain was in despair at his side's fielding. Match after match, they dropped every chance that came their way. Finally one day the captain called his men together and told them that he was taking them fishing.
What for? they asked.
'To make sure you catch something this season!'

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:18 AM
The cricket enthusiast would travel any distance to watch a match-nothing could keep him from the game he loved. One day, a friend met him and said, 'You're looking a bit down.'
'The wife said she's s going to divorce me.'
'What grounds?'
'Oh, Headingly, Edgbaston, Lord s . .

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:19 AM
The cricket fan had dragged his wife and child along to the ground to watch the local side .
He watched with interest, but they were plainly bored and shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
The child brightened and turned to the mother.
'They just shouted 'Over', she said.
'I know.' replied her mother, wearily, 'but don't take any notice. It goes on and on and on.'

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:21 AM
The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain.
'You know,' he said, 'You've picked two men who should never be in the side.'
'Oh really,' said the captain icily, 'and who's the other one?'

The one down batsman was out first ball. On the long walk back to the pavilion he had to pass the incoming batsman, a supercilious rival. 'Hard luck, old man,' smirked the newcomer. 'Yes. It's a shame I had to be right in the middle of a hat trick

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:22 AM
Jones had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. 'Thank goodness they got rid of it,' she sighed. 'Now we can all go home.'

Two rival cricketers were talking.
'The local team wants me to play for them very badly.'
'Well, you're just the right man for the job.'

Yasin
July 22, 2007, 12:23 AM
What is common to a 100 mtrs race and Bashars innings?
Ans: They both last for the same time.

Why is Md.Kaif not getting a chance to play for the Indian team, though brimming with talent? Because he is from Luck’no’w!

rah
July 22, 2007, 09:59 AM
Bang Bang Im Da Forst Person Apart From Yasin To Have A Post In Dis Thread

Puck
July 23, 2007, 11:35 AM
why couldn't these be put in one post?

rah
July 24, 2007, 09:06 AM
why couldn't these be put in one post?

he wanted to increase his amount of posts in this forum

Nafi
July 24, 2007, 12:04 PM
he wanted to increase his amount of posts in this forum

Actually its easiar to read in fragmented posts.

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:05 PM
Actually its easiar to read in fragmented posts.

Yeh true... could have done it in one post but this method is better...as for the number of posts.. well the longer you are a member of BC the more you can increase your posts here...this is no rat race.

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:14 PM
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG): Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Bangladesh Cricket team, they never beat anybody!!!

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:15 PM
Cricket Explained :
You have two sides one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs, THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME !
HOWZAT !!!!!

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:18 PM
Well a few jokes on football. Didnt bother opening a new thread for it.

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
He was the skipper!

What tea do footballers drink?
Penaltea!

Where do footballers dance?
At a football!


Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:22 PM
Indian Cricket Team After the World Cup

Here's what our Indian Cricket Team Members want to say after losing the world cup:

DRAVID - Don't worry. Agla world cup hum hee jeetenge.

SEHWAG - Bermuda kaafi strong team thi. I think main form me vapas aa gaya hun.

SACHIN - Please mujhe mat nikalo. Mujko coach hi bana dalo.

GANGULY - Maine to pehle hee bola tha. Sona chandi chawanprash saath le chalo.

DHONI - Next world cup mey main salman khan jaisa hair cut rakhunga.

HARBHAJAN - Nepal ki team mey apna resume de dunga.

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:30 PM
The batsman said to the bowler, 'Give me an easy one, will you? I bet a fellow in the crowd five pounds that I'd score four runs.' The bowler did so and the batsman hit it to the boundary. Straight away, he
walked for the pavilion.
'You're not out,' said the bowler, 'Where are you going?'
The batsman yelled back: 'I'm going to find the chap who bet me!'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:31 PM
In the absence of their regular umpire, the village team was making do with a local farmer, who knew nothing of the rules. After the third ball of the over, the entire field turned round with a tremendous
yell of 'Owzat!' The umpire paused. 'Well, how would I know?' he said. 'His leg was in the way !'

An old timer was bemoaning the standard of the game and kept recalling the famous names of the past.
'You know,' he-said to one of the young men, 'if W.G. Grace were here today, he'd be regarded as a remarkable man.'
'You're right,' agreed the young man. 'He'd be a hundred and fifty years old !'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:34 PM
The boys were playing cricket in the garden and were using a shiny new ball.
'Where did you get the ball?' asked father.
'We found it.'
'Are you sure it was lost?'
'Of course it was lost. We saw them looking for it.'

The sarcastic bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire's decisions.
'Have you got a minute?' he asked.
'Yes,' said the umpire.
'Well, tell me all you know about cricket.'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:34 PM
Brown and Robinson were two old men who were fierce rivals at cricket. One day, they decided to see who was the better player by having a game between them selves. Brown laboured for an hour to score twelve
runs, but was bowled by the only straight ball he received. Both men were exhausted, and Robinson decided that he was too tired to bat and made for the pavilion, even though Brown had only to bowl at the empty
wicket and break it to win. As he lay slumped in the pavilion, an amused on looker strolled in and said, 'Congratulations.'
'What do you mean?' said Robinson.
'Haven't you heard?' said the spectator. 'Brown bowled thirteen wides!'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:35 PM
Smith and Jones were the rival side's fast bowlers. Between them, they had just bowled out the home side for thirty. After the game, a youngster asked a home batsman, 'When do you find Smith and
Jones least difficult to play?'
'When I'm in the pavilion,' sighed the batsman.

The bowlers were getting a terrible roasting from the opposition's opening batsman.
'Don't worry,' said the cocky young bowler, 'I know his weakness.'
He bowled three balls and every one was smashed over the boundary.
'I see what you mean,' said the captain. 'He's got a weakness for sixes!'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:38 PM
The teacher confronted the small boy. 'Now tell me,' he said, 'what do you know about the Eskimo race?'
The child looked sheepish. 'I wasn't there,' he admitted, 'I went to the cricket match.'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:41 PM
The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, 'Well, I expect you've seen worse players.'
Silence....
First slip added 'he said I expect you've seen worse players.'
'I heard him the first time. I was just trying to think.'

In a country town match, the batsman was out first ball. 'Not like last week,' said the wicket-keeper.
'No,' said the batsman. 'Last week I stayed in and got forty and when I got back all the beer was gone!'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:44 PM
The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn't hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.
'Now bowl me some fast ones!' he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted,
'Now that's what you're all doing. Get in there and hit them!'

The disgruntled batsman stormed into the pavilion and flung down his bat.
'Terrible' he shouted. 'I've never played so badly before'
The captain looked up. 'Oh, you've played before, have you?'

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:54 PM
Boss: 'Now on the way to Smith and Sons, you pass the cricket field, so...'
Office boy (hopefully): 'Yes, sir?'
Boss: 'So just pass it.'


The captain was looking for new blood for his side.

"O.K.," he said to one new member, "What are you like at wicket-keeping?"
"Passable," said the applicant.
"That's no good," said the captain, "we've already got one like that. We want one that's impassable!"

Yasin
July 25, 2007, 02:55 PM
It was the after-lunch session and the batsman had been drinking too heavily during the break. He staggered up to the captain and confessed that he could see three of everything.

'Well,' said the captain, 'when you get out there and the three balls come towards you, just hit the middle one.

'The batsman weaved his way to the crease and was bowled first ball. He made his way back.

'What happened?' demanded the captain. 'Didn't you hit the middle ball?'

'Yesh,' replied the batsman, 'but I used the outside bat!'

Omio
July 25, 2007, 04:18 PM
tnx for ur joke

Yasin
July 26, 2007, 02:31 PM
tnx for ur joke

Welcome.

Yasin
July 26, 2007, 02:57 PM
Answer this question if you are a cricket fan.

Clue no: 1 - In an Historic match between India and England, he served as a captain.....



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Clue no: 2 - He was the Opening bowler in that match....



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Clue no: 3 - He was also the Opening batsman in that match....



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Clue no: 4 - He is the one who bowled the last ball of his innings....



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Clue no: 5 - He was the one who faced the last ball of the innings....



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Still you didn't get it...... oops.....


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Clue no: 6 - He took the last wicket of the innings.....



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Clue no: 7 - He was the man of match in that particular match....



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Okay atleast after this easy one


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Clue no: 8 - He won the match for his team by hitting a sixer in the last ball........



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Okay Let the genius answer it....



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It is..........




Aamir Khan in Lagaan!

Yasin
July 26, 2007, 03:20 PM
A compnay was going to have a friendly cricket match with another company.

The bosses will be made captains. One of the boss goes home and has a conversation with his wife::

Boss : I am very worried.
Wife : Why? What happened?

Boss : I have been made the captain for the cricket match.
Wife : So whats the problem??

Boss : I cant play cricket.
Wife : Oh come on Dear ! This is Bangladesh. Here it is understood that the captain doesnt know how to play.