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View Full Version : Annual Banglacricket Roast 2016


Zeeshan
May 7, 2016, 02:24 AM
Welcome to the annual roast of Banglacricket.

Banglacricket, where Tiger fans belong. Or soon to be replaced by, 'where Parmanand Singh breathes', 'where intellectuals, banned members and Ian lurks alike', or rather 'where sausagefest reigns supreme by nerds that it is about to be renamed to an obsolete wienerschintzel chain from Silicon Valley.'

That's right Banglacricket.com. The site, according to Nasif, has just reached to significant digits preceded by four thousand zeroes and decimal point in Alexa rating topping right above a Hawaiian manufacturing company of muuumuu t-shirt, and right below wheretobuymozartscasettetapes dot com.

That's right Banglacricket.com. The site with 15,972 members out of which 16,000 are guys. And that doesn't even include the ones with duplicate usernames, newly banned nicks, spammers or duplicate newly banned spammers with TCP/IP tattoos.

Banglacricket.com. The site with 44,056 threads and 1,869,955 posts, out of which 44,057 came from my keyboard on very lonely Friday nights minus the current one and out of which 2,000,032 where posted by Nadim in strings of 6's and 4's and dead lolcats.

How is that even possible you say? Well, just ask Zunaid. Apparently, not only he can divide by zero, find the asymptotic means, derive a hyperbola from his parabola (whatever that means) and sum up meaningless stats in his head using Vedic maths to calculate the day when they occurred.

Banglacricket.com, founded by Tehsin in a garage tinkering with a broken mainframe from ENIAC in Virginia. (Haven't seen him for a while, obligatory a--kissing, hope he is in good health.)

https://www.wired.com/images_blogs/gadgetlab/2009/12/4175840101_5f98070d27_o.jpeg

That's right. The same site where abu2abu launched his startup for Cricinfo articles. Probably a pioneer. Right up there with Mason and Dixon during California gold rush. His bio below his article reads: "In his spare time he enjoys paragliding and long walks in the country" which....which makes one wonder just what crime did scrimshaw, building enormous sand-castles and bungee jumping from second floor did commit. Seriously.

Banglacricket. A site which typically reads at any given point in the tangent's slope:

Currently Active Users: 156 (1 members and 155 guests).

That pretty much sums up the shy, coquettish, boyish nature. Either that or invisible naked people browsing commando. All 155 of them.

Or as bujhee kom says, THAT Armani sweater for prom.

Bujhee kom. Boy isn't he something. Getting away with scat, fart, nose picking, nose bleeding, potheaded, potty training posts...? Even Austin 3:!6 is shaking his head.

Austin 3:!6. Apparently, the exclamation mark came from a surprise to see that he exceeded his lifetime in turtle years after a slew of inflammatory, troll bait posts. The only thing profound must be the exclamation mark after he realized that he will die a virgin no matter how much the mods screw him.

Speaking of which, there will be the silent executioner inspired by obscurity of Taoist immortals.

I am of course talking about reverse swing et his ilk like chinaman, offstump, nightwatchman, dilscoop or tailender.

Apparently they don't quite get along with other members of the social group (http://www.banglacricket.com/alochona/group.php?groupid=34) bouncing yorker, legcutter, underarm spin or square glance.

Guess, they all belong to social group of Chowdhury Jafarullah Sharafat or Bard of Hatirpul. (That's where he actually lives, look him up.)

Speaking of social group, where is one....

No literally, here is 1. Exactly one member of Dhaka University Forum Toronto (http://www.banglacricket.com/alochona/group.php?groupid=38). Come back Fagu-da. We promise we will buy your books....from Dorrance Publishing.

And then there is iDumb. Guess, he hates when his real moniker is revealed. :shh:

Apparently he is scared his kajer bua might actually find out he has an online life besides Ashley-Madison profile.

What? Too soon?

This brings us to the question as posed by RazabQ while watching Alex Trebek in Jeopardy! "Whither Sohel?" along with "Whither shaad?" "Whither AsifTheManRahman?"

So much for... so much for... propounding about maxims like "When the going gets tough, tough gets going". Gee, I wonder with what kind of sissy, prima donna, petit-bourgeoisie reading palimpsest at Radcliffe library they got busy with....hey?

Finally, the lesser known members deserve some mention. I am of course talking about sumon da and Tigers Eye.

Yeah, despite their skyhighing post count, they don't like to come out of from the career in French Naval Academy and Ma's Islamic Halal Chinese store.

Then there is Rabz.
BanglaCricket Staff BC - Bangladesh Representative

In fact if his title were to get any large, he might actually....get are real job other than the FB manager of Bangladesh Cricket Tigers Facebook page with like 800 zillion members.

But I shall not make fun of the man...who apparently likes to wear a black banadana and sunglasses riding with his motorcycle gang at 3:45am in the morning hoping he might actually cut a CNG line to get gas.

Then there is One World, heavily influenced by the 19th century mathematician Ramanujan or just -- heavily influenced.

Then there is the mod Jadukor, who might very well be spying on me as I write this with the watermark on his PC Screenrecorder, uploading to Youtube playing Iron Maiden manga, and repeatedly watching on his big screen plasma TV furiously on autoloop.

Thank you.

As for the ones I left out, consider yourself blessed that you are either insignificant, or with real job, family and thus not worthy to make fun of by some random internet dude, which even that NASA Mars Exploration Rover makes fun, albeit in Stephen Hawking accent, for not having something called....

LIFE.

Jadukor
May 7, 2016, 03:17 AM
Lol. Good read.

aklemalp
May 7, 2016, 05:47 AM
"Bad boys, bad boys / Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do / When they come for you…"


Super blockbuster thread in the making.... Zeeshan, the Leonidas of Banglacricket

One World
May 10, 2016, 09:09 PM
Thank you and happy birthday.

Nasif
May 11, 2016, 07:20 AM
Good one Zee! :up: :up:

Tigers_eye
May 12, 2016, 07:55 AM
Happy Brithday!! Excellent work.

kalpurush
May 12, 2016, 11:05 AM
Zee...is back to self!!!


Good one mate :)

bujhee kom
May 14, 2016, 10:37 AM
And Gopal (Zeeshan Mahmud Al Mehmudani) - How about this guy? Always showing off his chest hair and no hair on his head everytime he gets a chance. This is the epitomy of a Lomosh Booker pata! He is a Gorrilla who ran away from an Orange county Zoo.

And Layperson...hiding somewhere laying eggs...

Rashed from CT....after neutering himself due to BD's cronic loss he lost his voice and so can't write no more?

+ so much to write about Babubangla - the Babu of Purbo Bangla, FaltuRidwanBhai - pure Faltu, Fazal -the Fazil Gazal!

Hehehe...how about that grinning, sitting in the back seat of a church while flicking booger, horse chasing, right-wing, Pentecostal Brockley? Lorda Mercy!

Zeeshan
May 14, 2016, 08:08 PM
Bujheekom just murdered it. He killed me on my own show. lol

Boss, we gotta have you on my show (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLSnI63mrus). Heck I will fly to you to star on my show.

Bk just destroyed in two sentences what it took me in frikkin monologue. :notworthy:

Lol bengali Chris Rock

iDumb
May 14, 2016, 08:30 PM
Not bad zeeshan - you need more views though.. don't know how. Occasional funny :)

aklemalp
May 14, 2016, 08:32 PM
Zeeshan lives in the matrix :lol:

I'm one of those 11 views to his videos

iDumb
May 14, 2016, 08:33 PM
Zeeshan lives in the matrix :lol:

I'm one of those 11 views to his videos

He might be the other 10 :p

aklemalp
May 14, 2016, 10:13 PM
He might be the other 10 :p

Lol...he's got that maniacal laugh which makes one cringe when they hear it...and his Jokes are on another level of late night talk show and a serious Donald Trump

Zunaid
May 15, 2016, 01:05 AM
Good one, Zee.

simon
May 15, 2016, 07:43 AM
recipe koi ?