PDA

View Full Version : Banglacricket Correspondents Dinner Speech 2018


Zeeshan
August 27, 2018, 08:52 AM
Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone. I will not waste a second and get straight to the point before applause dies down...

First of all a heartfelt thanks to mods for demoting me. Congratulations! You have managed to do something which even bile of Hillary couldn't accomplish.

Lately a lot of people getting banned. Yankees, iDumb, Zeeshan..., I guess that makes us the counterculture of our eras. The Kerouacs and Learys of our generation. In fact that's as counterculture as kp-da cussing someone out in a expletive ridden: "Shame on you! Shame!"

But I don't blame them. The mods and administrations. I mean it is only pat when you are livin the high life with mansions in Malibu and Niagara by the lakes, drivin Lambos and Maserati with superior physique rivallin that of Skargard from Tarzaan and datin bodacious models like Dennis Milani and of course intellectually gifted and higher than ubermensch like freaks of nature of the ilks of Bezos, Zuckerberg and Musk that you shall keep the lid in check out of supreme self-confidence, self-esteem and security when your name pops up in Wikipedia after being a household name and achieving every single major award that is humanly conceivable.

Yup. Only pat. It's assertiveness and not control. Right fellas? Wink wink. LOL!

And this forum can get polarized can't they? Boy oh boy. Some are purely positive and passionate and extremely exuberant. And then there are those cynical, negative ones who are all doom and gloom JUST BECAUSE FRIKKIN TAMIM EDGED THE FIRST BALL TO BOUNDARY BEHIND HIM!!!!

Heck their pessimism makes wrist slittin emo goths look like Tony Robbins.

But both are equally guilty in my mind. One should be neutral and graciously praise the opponents. One should undercut and shortchange your own country, and pull your pants down for other countries to slap you like Austin Powers to Elizabeth-whoever that skanky h-- might be..... One should downplay one's own countries achievement in a subdued stoic tone lest we may be deemed as "emotional". That's more neutral than Enamul Haque Moni giving Bangladeshi players out lbw when running between the wickets. That's balanced, sane, reticent and as fair and balanced as O Reilly's outtake on Nicki Minaj's Anaconda.

If you don't believe me, just ask Isam.

So....

Bk has left the building. I am pretty sure he will be back. BC is like heroin you can't quit, cocaine that destroyed Lovato's life, alcohol that wasted Aretha and of course ellipsis that match adda cannot help himself.

A big thanks to who welcome me back. Guess I feel like the wife who keeps coming back to her abusive husband and stick through thick and thin. Or as Melania calls it "snapchat moment." Or as writ in aklemalp's best selling Kindle book "How to Spiritually Bypass Through Lotus Postures and Boddhisattva Smile When Pakistani Terrorists Stick a Hot Iron Rod Up Yours Volume III".

Social media is pretty big nowadays, ain't it. I hear there is a podcast going in BC. Frankly I have not listened to it. I am not sure if the lack of interest is a confession or an insult. LOL.

Din-Raat recently won Banglacricket's Troll of the Year 2018. Such post was held by such luminaries as iDumb, bochada, simon and yours truly.

Boy Din-Raat has vicious intelligence doesn't it. Very sharp man. Sharp. In fact it ranks just between Soumya's incisive dibbly-dobbly wobbles and Shahadat's fierce snorters and yorkers at Gabba in Republican Venom Index.

Al-Furqaan has been seen lately. We love Asaad. Don't we? I mean high testosterone filled, macho, all bulky, whey proteined up, juiced creatine banks fast and the furious NFL-esque all-brawn girthy meatpacking industry, BDNF and human growth factor laden powerhouse.

Heck if you were to cut his brain open- who knows- you will probably have enough supplements from GNC to make Pain and Gain twice.

A lot of people has evaporated. Old heads. Gone are the heydeys and golden era of BC. I mean where are the... my bad... whither interviews of red-fonted celebrity guests of BC? Whither Miraz's drab and boring yawn inducing articles that makes ACM monograph look like racy 50 shades of grey novel... Whither ad nauseum analysis of the 1.3th ball of Match #222 of Ireland versus Bangladesh? Whither the fanatical fantastic breakdown of backfoot shots of Tamim from a mid back lift in terms of uber analytical break down of secants and cosecants.

https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/021/464/14608107_1180665285312703_1558693314_n.jpg

Heck where are those anaylsis for crying loud!!!! That almost makes Shamim's Sueratesque pixel-by-pixel analysis as vague, water, weasel wordy than another one of Zeeshan's pot induced ego trip via his "articles".

Gone is Ian Pont. Or Nana bhai. Or LBW103. Or Pontu da. Or Mr-Dont-Call-Me-Pont-Cuz-Pont-Is-My-Dad's-Name. lol...

I mean the man had more aliases than passports of Shabbir's flight to Rio after slamming a little child or... Rubel gets #metood.

Finally, I know it probably will fall short. It usually is. Zeeshan's "jokes". In fact the reaction will make the following meme look like Kanye havin' a laughter yoga session. Thank you ladies and gentleman.

https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/42116246.jpg

SportingBD
August 27, 2018, 09:11 AM
WOOOOW! this is crazy.

Zeeshan has been removed from being a BC Stuff.

Could not have expected this to happen had Zunaid/Asif still been around.

Shocked.

SportingBD
August 27, 2018, 09:12 AM
I don't remember this happening before? and I have been in BC for a long time.

mufi_02
August 27, 2018, 09:17 AM
One should downplay one's own countries achievement in a subdued stoic tone lest we may be deemed as "emotional". That's more neutral than Enamul Haque Moni giving Bangladeshi players out lbw when running between the wickets. That's balanced, sane, reticent and as fair and balanced as O Reilly's outtake on Nicki Minaj's Anaconda.

hahaha. made me laugh out loud or LOL ja ke bole.. good stuff Zee. missed you man.

Zeeshan
August 27, 2018, 09:27 AM
Thanks mufi. I will actually eagerly listen to the podcast when I go back.

And come on guys. I for one don't harbor the demotion as it has liberated and unshackled me actually. Jibonmukti moksha jake bole thaki r ki...

Besides I had it coming long time ago.

aklemalp
August 27, 2018, 12:08 PM
I like you as a cricket savant, rather than as a staff/senior editor.

Zeeshan
August 27, 2018, 02:51 PM
I like you as a cricket savant, rather than as a staff/senior editor.

Dude you really look cool and sharp in the pic. You should keep it! Reading your posts I thought you would be like...

https://afewminuteswith.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/indian-computer-nerd.jpg

aklemalp
August 27, 2018, 02:57 PM
Dude you really look cool and sharp in the pic. You should keep it! Reading your posts I thought you would be like...

https://afewminuteswith.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/indian-computer-nerd.jpg

Thanks for those kind words Zeeshan...In the other thread I explained how I got to take that picture out and I liked it, so I put it up as my Avatar.

Yo mah man...Let's just say that 15 years ago I probably would have looked like that guy in the photo you presented..all acne-heavy, testosterones-laden adolescent.

I am working out often now.

Yankees
August 27, 2018, 04:51 PM
Thanks mufi. I will actually eagerly listen to the podcast when I go back.

And come on guys. I for one don't harbor the demotion as it has liberated and unshackled me actually. Jibonmukti moksha jake bole thaki r ki...

Besides I had it coming long time ago.

I think Zee is still in denial stage of the five stages of grief.

Zeeshan
August 27, 2018, 05:23 PM
^^ I thought we are a "team". Heck you are probably one of the few guys I'd love to go to club or something. That kinda sounds gay. lol

I mean you won't encroach on my alpha status, and me on your droll Kumail Nanjiani swagger. :p

Yankees
August 27, 2018, 09:03 PM
^^ I thought we are a "team". Heck you are probably one of the few guys I'd love to go to club or something. That kinda sounds gay. lol

I mean you won't encroach on my alpha status, and me on your droll Kumail Nanjiani swagger. :p

Sorry brah, I only go clubbing with official BC staff.