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nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:06 PM
A man was carrying a dog in his arms... suddenly the dog disappeared

what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?

the MAN ATE IT:mad:

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:10 PM
How dogs are better than men
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.

3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.

4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.

5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)

7. You can train a dog.

8. Dogs are easy to buy for.

9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.

10. Dogs understand what "no" means.

11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:13 PM
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?


Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a light bulb?

Border Collie:
Just one!?! And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code!

Dachshund:
I can't even reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it! By the time he's finished rewiring my house, my nails will be dry!

Rottweiler:
Go ahead. Make me!

Shi-tzu:
Puh-leese dah-ling, let the servants.......

Labrador:
Oh me, me, pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Irish Setter:
Huh?

Malamute:
Let the border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......

Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture

Irish Wolfhound:
Can somebody else do it? I've got his hangover....

Mastiff:
Mastiff's are NOT afraid of the dark.

Basset Hound:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Chihuahua:
Yo quiero taco bulb.

Pointer:
I see it, there it is, it's right there...

Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd:
Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Old English Sheepdog:
Light bulb? LIGHT BULB? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

German Shepherd:
Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID, "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Hound Dog:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!

Cat:
Pets do not change light bulbs. People change light buls. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:13 PM
Originally posted by nishy
A man was carrying a dog in his arms... suddenly the dog disappeared

what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?

the MAN ATE IT:mad:


this joke sucks man!!!! nevertheless, it's great for me to Poon on!!!:P

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:17 PM
:drool::drool::drool::drool:

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:21 PM
One day James Bond went ot the dog pound.
there was one dog that came to him.
the dog asked him "Whats ur name" in dog language... then James Bond used his dog translator to answer his question.
he said "my name is Bond... James Bond"
then he asked the dog with his translator "Whats ur name?"
then one dog came and took his translator away.
so the dog replied.
"Bow"
Bow wow
Bow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
Bow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow

Then James Bond never asked another dog for their name

[Edited on 21-7-2004 by nishy]

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:25 PM
Damn dog!!! Enough with the doggy joke! Dog lovers! Take a breather you are running out of joke: joke boy!!!!:drool:

[Edited on 21-7-2004 by rassel]

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:28 PM
A man was carrying a dog in his arms... suddenly the man disappeared

what happened to the man?
what happened to the man?
what happened to the man?

the DOG ATE HIM:love:





[Edited on 21-7-2004 by nishy]

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:31 PM
one day the dog was sitting home alone, it had nothing to eat... guess what it ate? me ( nishy )


nice joke?:duh:

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:32 PM
what the ****

You are one big dummy! Now repeating your silly joke ha!

chinaman
July 21, 2004, 03:33 PM
Your are back, right?

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:33 PM
i am a dogs fan i got 101 dalmations



:fire:

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:34 PM
yes! chinaman bhai right on!!!;)

chinaman
July 21, 2004, 03:35 PM
Originally posted by nishy
i am a dogs fan i got 101 dalmations
Sushi type?

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:35 PM
hey m8 i am just posting some jokes 2 make people laugh............ if u dont like my joke plz tell me

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:38 PM
Thank god that you weren't here during the game! Could have sabotage everything. :drool:

nishy
July 21, 2004, 03:40 PM
Lats joke of the day ( 21.07.2004 )

my dog is beautiful and its so beautiful..... it wants 2 be an actor....one day my dog had a chance 2 act a bollywood movie but my dog said i dont want 2 act in bollywood movie, i want 2 act in hollywood movie because i can fight and fly like matrix..

Unknown
July 21, 2004, 03:42 PM
Whats wrong with u? But funny anyway...:great:

rassel
July 21, 2004, 03:45 PM
Originally posted by Unknown
Whats wrong with u? But funny anyway...:great:

now you done it. misal gone eats you alive.;)

TigerFan
July 21, 2004, 09:10 PM
Ahemm! Dogs! they smell!:Pcats what you should like. I love cats, cutie meow meow!

BushidoTiger
July 22, 2004, 12:47 AM
Originally posted by nishy
Lats joke of the day ( 21.07.2004 )

my dog is beautiful and its so beautiful..... it wants 2 be an actor....one day my dog had a chance 2 act a bollywood movie but my dog said i dont want 2 act in bollywood movie, i want 2 act in hollywood movie because i can fight and
fly like matrix..

Tell your parents not to shake their other kids as much...

You need some serious detoxing :D:D

Rubu
July 22, 2004, 10:52 AM
Originally posted by nishy
A man was carrying a dog in his arms... suddenly the dog disappeared

what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?

the MAN ATE IT:mad:

most stupid joke i've ever hear.

Rubu
July 22, 2004, 10:57 AM
Originally posted by BushidoTiger
Tell your parents not to shake their other kids as much...

You need some serious detoxing :D:D

only funny joke of this thread!

mzia
July 22, 2004, 11:51 AM
Originally posted by AgentSmith
Originally posted by nishy
A man was carrying a dog in his arms... suddenly the dog disappeared

what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?
what happened to the dog?

the MAN ATE IT:mad:

most stupid joke i've ever hear.

BTW where is the joke?

It's a Korean episode!!

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:36 PM
One day while watching cricket a fan wanted a HOT DOG... but he got an UGLY ONE... what did the man do?????


HE ATE IT!

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:40 PM
One day a man went to watch the test cricket in Lords... he saw a dog bowling... guess what the dog did?


he [ the dog ] BOW-led him out

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:40 PM
One day a man went to watch the test cricket in Edgebaston... he saw a dog bowling... guess what the dog did? He ate the the batsman

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:41 PM
One day a man went to watch Naser Hussain batting... guess what Naser Hussain said when a dog bit him... he said "Na - sir I-GOT-PAIN"


"Na -SIR I-GOT-PAIN"

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:44 PM
my dog like to play with tennis ball...but one day my dog seen two hot balls, since that day my dog hate the balls... dont know y...dont ask me y...ask the DOG !!!!

[Edited on 22-7-2004 by nishy]

nishy
July 22, 2004, 02:47 PM
hey people why dog mans best friend?
because man ( me or you ) like dogs and the dogs like us ( me or You )

Rubu
July 22, 2004, 03:38 PM
these are the best jokes.


...... after 5 drinks.

Carte Blanche
July 22, 2004, 04:34 PM
Pathetic! If you like them so much, why don't you go marry one nishy?

billah
July 22, 2004, 06:06 PM
nishy, either take a harder look at your joke book, or give it up, please.:P

rassel
July 22, 2004, 06:50 PM
I seem to me nishy the pest is getting you all. By the way, you havenít seen anything yet. More joke are still to come to make to you puke.

:lol:

rassel
July 22, 2004, 09:39 PM
I found nishys biography:

I am nishy.

I am a dog lover.

Dogs are my best playmate.

I enjoy sitting beside my dogs poop.

I canít stop eating poop.

I play cricket with poop.

I could make it round and hard with my tiny smooth hand.

It gives me refreshing feeling when I bowl to my favorite dog nisha, missal, sagor, Mahbub, Cricket friend, and rest of my dog.


:love::love::love:

nishy
July 23, 2004, 01:17 PM
rassel stop being a racist

BushidoTiger
July 23, 2004, 02:00 PM
Originally posted by nishy
rassel stop being a racist

'Racist'???:-/:umm:
tahts a good one..!!

nishy
July 23, 2004, 02:29 PM
why nishy likes dogs????

lets go to the past.......


my grandfather had tow dogs ( dog no.1 name = butch, dog no.2 = bush )..one day i mean i day it was a good day. the same day tooooo many tourist come to my city to visit my city, i mean my city.... but sadly one little girl was missing so the police was looking for the missing girl but they couldnt find her. therefore the police ask for the help to my Grandfather.

Ploice: Grandfather sir, Grandfahter sir can u help us please.
Grandfather: ofcourse my son..
Police: thank you very much Grandfather sir
Grandfather: your wellcome.

the two dogs was in the cage therefore my grandfather went in to the toilet and pressed one switch suddenly the cage door opens and the two dogs jumed out not only that it jumped over the fence also..after 5 minz later butch and bush came back to the house with the missing, i mean missed girl..since that day i thought everything is possible for a dog......

thats why i like and love dogs soooooooooo much





[Edited on 23-7-2004 by nishy]

nishy
July 23, 2004, 02:59 PM
one day a dog was eating carrot, i was surprised...

nishy: are you a dog?
dog: yes i am
nishy: i thought dogs like to eat bones.
dog: yeh so what?
nishy: so why are you eating carrot then ?
dog: because my name is Bugs Bunny.
nishy: oh cool dog. bye dog.
dog: shut up u man.
nishy: why dog?
dog: dont call me a dog, call me a bugs bunny.
nishy: oh sorry. bye bugs bunny

Rubu
July 23, 2004, 04:05 PM
my grandfather had tow dogs

u mean like tow trucks? thats a good idea actually. when a car shuts down, we can use dog to tow them to the nearest service center.

here is a joke about dogs, see if u like it: bangladesh police had a trained dog squad to find criminals and drugs and staff. but even though they spent quite a few money for those (i thin the squad has a name, i forgot), the project did not work. every time those dogs are released to find criminals, it go to the nearest police station and starts burking.

rassel
July 23, 2004, 05:38 PM
Originally posted by nishy
rassel stop being a racist



Sorry to disappointed you fishy. Since, you are running of out doggy joke. All I was trying to do is to add some extra boredom to your riotous topic. Nevertheless, from this point on: try to keep it real- naughty boy nishy!!! :P

[Edited on 23-7-2004 by rassel]

Arnab
July 23, 2004, 05:45 PM
This is worse than spam. Spams are auto-generated at least.

rassel
July 23, 2004, 05:48 PM
I am going to give nishy his own medicine till he gets flustered and give up his silliness!

Carte Blanche
July 23, 2004, 07:19 PM
Castrate him!

cricketfan
July 23, 2004, 08:18 PM
How Dog helps in prayer?

Hang the DOG upside down so that it becomes GOD. Now pray.

AsifTheManRahman
July 24, 2004, 01:08 AM
This is the best joke of the week:

Bangladesh will win the Asia cup


Or even better


Bangladesh will beat a test playing side in the Asia cup.

:mad:

nishy
July 24, 2004, 08:03 AM
lol this is the joke of the year

Unknown
July 24, 2004, 12:59 PM
"What's one fatty on the moon???
A problem


What's ten fattys on the moon???
Still a problem


Whats' a hundred fattys on the moon???
STILL a problem


What's ALL the Fattys on the moon???"

|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
./
Problem Solved

nishy
July 25, 2004, 01:17 PM
Hi all people this is Nishys girlfriend....
Nishy wont be here bcoz ghe is no longer with us...he had a car accident and died...:(

Habibul_bashar
July 25, 2004, 01:32 PM
One day I am in my village sit in the door of our house.That time a dog come and make khu khu khu...... and I go soon inside of our house.Then what happ........?:great:

Habibul_bashar
July 25, 2004, 01:36 PM
Originally posted by AsifTheManRahman
This is the best joke of the week:

Bangladesh will win the Asia cup


Or even better


Bangladesh will beat a test playing side in the Asia cup.

:mad:
You are ok AsifTheManRahmanBangladesh will beat a test playing side in the Asia cup.

rassel
July 25, 2004, 01:38 PM
Great fishy that you have died!!! You should have eaten by your dog or did you? Unfortunately, your dog is telling me that you have come to life with a new version of nishy!!! Guess what? I ainít telling you dummy.
:duh:

nishy
July 25, 2004, 01:41 PM
hey people stop making fun of my boy friend plz...this is my last post people........... so bye all

rassel
July 25, 2004, 01:53 PM
Nishy recently your girly-friend (Chihuahua) just send me an U2U that telling me that you are bed wetter. So. I suggest you to wear diaper next time when you gat to go for sake of your doggyí health.;)

billah
July 26, 2004, 02:03 PM
:What kind of a person stays up at night, thinking "Is there really a dog?"

:A DYSLEXIC, AGNOSTIC INSOMNIAC.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:57 AM
hi people i am back from DEAD, so u can call me DEADMAN.... nishy back in action so time for some jokes......

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:00 AM
one day australian dog and england dog played cricket match, but there was no man of the match, there was only man of the dog, called australian man of the dog

nishy
July 27, 2004, 01:45 PM
hey please write some jokes

nihi
July 27, 2004, 02:15 PM
Other day, the dog asked the dog whether he was the dog. the dog replied that he wasn't not THE dog, he was just A dog. The dog then jumped too high because the dog then knew that it was him who was THE dog, and the dog thumped on the ground to succumb to a doggy death and by then the dog was only A dog, no more a THE dog.

Carte Blanche
July 27, 2004, 02:19 PM
Is that your alter-ego?

nihi
July 27, 2004, 02:25 PM
Originally posted by Carte Blanche
Is that your alter-ego?

oops, just noticed the uncanny similarity between my nick and nishi's. Just tried to be as creative as him. I Like his jokes (pertaining to a genre called shaggy dog story), by the way.

rassel
July 27, 2004, 02:54 PM
Nishy where did you cut this picture from? Is it from Teen magazineÖÖ?

By the way, from now on I am going to refer you as a dog! Do you mine doggy boy?

chinaman
July 27, 2004, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by nihi
Other day, the dog asked the dog whether he was the dog. the dog replied that he wasn't not THE dog, he was just A dog. The dog then jumped too high because the dog then knew that it was him who was THE dog, and the dog thumped on the ground to succumb to a doggy death and by then the dog was only A dog, no more a THE dog.

Alright, as long as this is just a dog, not the "The Dog" and he behaves all the time without exception, he may play around and enjoy.

Habibul_bashar
July 27, 2004, 03:01 PM
I have a nice dog in my house.
My dog skin c.... is black:great:

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:10 PM
hey man what u on about?

Habibul_bashar
July 27, 2004, 03:11 PM
Originally posted by nishy
hey man what u on about?
What u want to know about me?
sand u2u

rassel
July 27, 2004, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
Originally posted by nishy
hey man what u on about?
What u want to know about me?
sand u2u


nishy' Archive: http://isaithenral.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/12/

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:34 PM
wtf u on about? if u dont like my jokes plz dont come here thats it

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:42 PM
The President''s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:43 PM
3 blondes jump off a building ...

Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:43 PM
A Blonde Goes to the Library?

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:45 PM
Dead Mama

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:46 PM
Q. Why is it that most Italian Men are called Tony?
A. When they boarded the boat to America, they stamped To NY [Tony] on their foreheads...


Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:50 PM
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:51 PM
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ***."

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:51 PM
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:55 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A. He wanted cold hard cash!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A. "Is that you mommy?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A. Frostbite.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?

A. They take the psycho path.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?

A. Cell phones.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?

A. Spoiled milk.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Where do polar bears vote?

A. The North Poll


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

A. ME!!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?

A. In snow banks.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:56 PM
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Arnab
July 27, 2004, 03:58 PM
Why are you wasting your time like this? Do something productive.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 03:59 PM
i am entertaining people people..i hope they like my jokes

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:03 PM
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.

"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."

"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."

The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:04 PM
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:07 PM
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:09 PM
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?

A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:09 PM
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?

Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:10 PM
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant -
"Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:12 PM
Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.

They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.

After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?

The nun Replied, "Nah, don't you know old habits are hard to break!!

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:12 PM
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Ilene

What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:13 PM
The following are new Error Messages are planned for Windows 2000:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?"
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:14 PM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."

Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:14 PM
Owed Two A Spell Chequer:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:15 PM
Microsoft's ad slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?"

Now that Windows 98 is out, Microsoft have disclosed the alternatives that were considered when Windows 95 was released :

1. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
2. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.
4. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 gives you the whole house.
5. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
6. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
7. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
8. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.
9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
10. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
11. OS/2 ... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
12. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!
13. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
14. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
15. How do you want to crash today?

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:15 PM
Why Dogs don't surf the web...

Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manouever.
Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.masters.leg.
Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:16 PM
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean....
And RAM was the cousin of a goat.....

MEG was the name of my girlfriend
And GIG was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess i'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:17 PM
One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...

"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:19 PM
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for
"Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.

The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
"I brought a Walkman."

"And what is it for?"
"You can listen to music with it!"

"That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?"
"I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done, Kenny.

Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!"
"Yes, I did. It's in the hall."

So the entire class goes into the hallway.

"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"
"It's a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going."

"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?"

"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:20 PM
Eating with Children

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.

All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.

He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.

The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"

nishy
July 27, 2004, 04:20 PM
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

Arnab
July 27, 2004, 04:32 PM
Stop posting. That's way too many jokes in five minutes.

TAIF
July 27, 2004, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by nishy
Q. Why is it that most Italian Men are called Tony?
A. When they boarded the boat to America, they stamped To NY [Tony] on their foreheads...


:lol::lol::lol::clap:

Joke of the day.

[Edited on 27-7-2004 by TAIF]

[Edited on 27-7-2004 by TAIF]

rassel
July 27, 2004, 06:57 PM
Alright, as long as this is just a dog, not the "The Dog" and he behaves all the time without exception, he may play around and enjoy. [/quote]

I see where fishy gets inspiration to continue to writes his preposterous joke: itís non-other than our own Chinaman bhai.:lol:

Rubu
July 27, 2004, 08:48 PM
nishy the dog.

nishy the blond dog

what next?

rassel
July 27, 2004, 09:25 PM
Nishy has spoken at last!
I think me gat go pe -pe with this kind of threat !:lol:


:great::fire::joy::bravo:

nihi
July 27, 2004, 09:28 PM
Sorry to see nishy losing his originality after the chinaman indulgence

potshot
July 27, 2004, 09:53 PM
That is correct. All his non dog jokes are un original and have been in circulation for years.

BushidoTiger
July 27, 2004, 11:35 PM
Originally posted by nishy
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If.....1000/gal."
ecently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"


Nishy,
If you are gonna post an already circulating joke..at least do just and post it in its entirity:

Microsoft Vs. GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation "warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off

carteblanche
July 27, 2004, 11:44 PM
Originally posted by AgentSmith
nishy the dog.

nishy the blond dog

what next?

nishy the b***h may be? Given her affinity towards dogs, it sounds fair.

fab
July 28, 2004, 12:39 AM
Originally posted by BushidoTiger
Originally posted by nishy
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If.....1000/gal."
ecently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"


Nishy,
If you are gonna post an already circulating joke..at least do just and post it in its entirity:

I must say, I think I prefer Nishy's shorter version. There's nothing worse than an elongated joke that drags the pun (needlessly) on and on ad infinitum. It dilutes the humour somewhat.

Anyhow, the first joke in this topic is classic. The man ATE the dog? Is this joke aimed at Koreans? And why is Nishy so angry that the man ate the dog? :duh:

nishy
July 28, 2004, 07:52 AM
Originally posted by fab
Originally posted by BushidoTiger
Originally posted by nishy
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If.....1000/gal."
ecently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"


Nishy,
If you are gonna post an already circulating joke..at least do just and post it in its entirity:

I must say, I think I prefer Nishy's shorter version. There's nothing worse than an elongated joke that drags the pun (needlessly) on and on ad infinitum. It dilutes the humour somewhat.

Anyhow, the first joke in this topic is classic. The man ATE the dog? Is this joke aimed at Koreans? And why is Nishy so angry that the man ate the dog? :duh:



FAB what u on about?

nishy
July 28, 2004, 07:55 AM
btw dont call me nishy. my real name is TRISHA

[Edited on 28-7-2004 by nishy]

potshot
July 28, 2004, 09:08 AM
nishy is a copycat or should I say a copydog:) ?

nishy
July 28, 2004, 01:55 PM
lol what do u mean by that?

rassel
July 28, 2004, 02:46 PM
Did you guys know nishy is a big bollywood star: here is the link to prove it?

http://isaithenral.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/12/Thrisha-174.jpg nishy and Trisha



I am surprise to see nishyí big mustache! I though nishy was a girl.

you go nishy!!!

[Edited on 28-7-2004 by rassel]

nihi
July 28, 2004, 02:47 PM
Oneday snoop doggy dogg decided that its time to eat something.It was already very late and he was only wearing a diamond lecklace. His thonged tee-shirt could be seen under his chalk-white extrafull-sleeve jacket, which was half-heartedly tucked into the white denim.The jeans had several holes, big and small, all near the bottom of the trouser. But his 24 grand snickers were neatly tied up and could be seen through all the denim-holes. He opened his palm, there was only $1.21, and that too all in changes, two quarters, 3 dimes, 2 nickels and a whopping 31 pennies. Some of them even were sticky. So sticky that even snoop doggy dogg felt like wash his hand everytime he unclenched his hand to have a look at the changes. After a long session of contemplation he decided to munch on a hot dog.

The hot dog that he was looking for was not very far away. It was just a dozen of blocks away from where snoop doggy dogg was standing, staring at the miserable changes. But this hotdog was rolling very quietly on grill, juicy, browny, fluffy, grainy, shiny, crickety. It was bloated a little bit
due to the extra heat it was being stuffed inside it over the little grill. And there was the sloshy poopy-colored mustard and thick-phelgmed mayonaise, and smoothy textured relish, waiting ascetically on the condiment rack. This rack was very old and creaky and was everynight threatening to fall down from the wall but the squeaking it would make everytime the fat old lady would put the poopy-colored mustard-bottle. But the rack was shiny anyway. Becuase the plump stupid-faced young girl would get a couple of paper towel and the 109 to cleanup the rack everynight with her yellow round blacked-cornered-reddish-nailed buttery hand, when there is nobody in the store. Because the brown squeky rack would remind her of her dog.

Rubu
July 28, 2004, 04:45 PM
Anyhow, the first joke in this topic is classic. The man ATE the dog? Is this joke aimed at Koreans? And why is Nishy so angry that the man ate the dog? :duh:


no! its not aimed at koreans. its aimed at americans. nishy just forgot to add the word "hot" before the dog.

the man was actually carrying a hot dog and then he ate it.

nihi
July 28, 2004, 09:08 PM
Part 2

Now this plump stupid-faced rack-loving dog-loving yellowish girl did not have any slightest idea about what was going to happen once snoop doggy dogg sneaks into the store with the sticky changes in his sticky palm. For now, she was on with the paper towels and one 409 to shine the browny rack. And as always, the rack reminded her of her brown dog. She became so unmindful that she suddenly struck the poopy-colored mustard bottle with her beatiful roundish hand. Thwack. The bottle thumped on the floor. The cap, which wasn't securely closed, shoot through the door and made its way into one of the medium-sized holes in the denim jeans of snoop doggy dogg, who just made to the store with his miserable changes. Being soften by his 23 grand sneaker, snoop doggy dogg failed to feel the impulse. But as he turned to step inside the door with hope of seeing some plump hotdogs, he saw a dressed up dog with two blonde ponytail with a round aproned back and a pair of very beautiful front paws (exactly like those of a beautiful girl) approaching him.

Snoop doggy dogg was so caught with surprise that he almost let his miserable changes go away from his palm. But then he got to himself and noticed that the approaching dog was actually a girl crawling on the floor in search of something tha she lost. snoop doggy dogg felt so pity for the girl that he even decided to sacrifice one his sticky quarters for the girl. As soon as he picked the stickier of the two quarters from his sticky left palm, the stupid-faced girl looked upward from her doggy posture.

Alomelo
July 28, 2004, 10:11 PM
Originally posted by AgentSmith
Originally posted by BushidoTiger
Tell your parents not to shake their other kids as much...

You need some serious detoxing :D:D

only funny joke of this thread!


you call this joke???!!!! where is the funny part anyways?? ... o well...."haste parlam na bole dukkhito... tobe chesta korechi..."

Rubu
July 28, 2004, 10:17 PM
well, there is a saying in bangladesh that if a child is shaken too much his/her brain get shaken too and taar chinta bhaban gulo alomelo hoye jai. reading at nishy's joke, it did feel to me that there are some short circuit in his/her head. if u can't find that comment funny, i'm sure that u'll find nishy's jokes funny. i'm looking for a trend here.

yet again, who knows, may be nishy is a jenius. he/she is the inventor of a brand new type of joke, called non-humorous jokes. ;)

nishy
July 29, 2004, 08:22 AM
lol dude your funny:duh:

rassel
July 29, 2004, 01:16 PM
Originally posted by nishy
lol dude your funny:duh:

Wow fishy!!! I am sorry to see your girly-friend Trisha left you for dog! :(

Anyhow, I am glad to see you gat a new puppet for your company!


:D

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:18 PM
hey RASSEL shut up plz if u dont like my jokes plz dont come here plz

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:21 PM
Spanish dining
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

"These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today."

The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These arms... are much smaller than the ones I had last night."

"Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose.

rassel
July 29, 2004, 01:23 PM
Your joke is the finest in the business for dog marketing!!!!
For me to poop on!!!!


:D

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:24 PM
The NFL team names
NFL Team Lame Names

When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys

Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs

Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders

San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers

Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central:

Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels

Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns

Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers

Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils

Buffalo Spills

Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts

Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins

Miami Soft Ones

New England Patriots - New England Patsys

New York Jets - New York Pets

New York Not Yets

NFC West:

Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons

New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's

Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs

San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners

NFC Central:

Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs

Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's

Detroit Kittens

Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers

Green Bay Slackers

Green Bay Whackers

Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykes

Minnesota ViQueens

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

NFC East:

Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals

Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls

Dallas Cowpie

New York Giants - New York Midgets

Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles

Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins

Expansion Teams:

Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers

Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:26 PM
Canada America
An American will say, "Hot day!" A Canadian will say, "Hot day, eh?" meaning "It's a hot day, isn't it?"

This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came to a similar point of self-assertion and that little word "eh?" is their refusal even to assert that it's a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it.

One definition of a Candian is "a North American who refuses to join the revolution".

Another way to tell the difference between a Canadian and an American is to invite the suspected Canuck to lunch and watch him eat. If he's really upper crust, he'll eat like an Englishman, with knife and fork held firmly in his right and left hands. He'll cut with his knife, pack the results on the back of his fork and convey the food to his mouth with the fork still in this left hand.

Many an American eats with knife and fork, too, but in a different way. He takes the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left to cut up the food. Then he puts the knife down and takes the fork in the right hand to convey the food to his mouth.

A common garden-variety Canadian does the job differently. He doesn't use his knife at all, except for particularly stubborn steaks and other such tough foods. Instead he takes the fork in his right hand and leaves the knife beside his plate. Then he cuts the food with the edge of the fork and feeds himself with the fork held in the same hand.

But suppose all these tests are inconclusive. There's one more, rather dangerous, way to tell a Canadian from an American. Just remark to the suspect that Canadians and Americans are so much alike that it's hard to tell one from the other. If the person involved is an American, he'll probably agree.

But if he's a Canadian he'll let you know, in no unterms, that you're wrong. And that stubborn sense of difference is one main reason why the two countries, despite similarities, remain separate.

(I'm pretty sure I agree with the last statement, but I'm not too sure if I like being called a wimp that doesn't even dare to assert that it's a hot day. (Which it is today.) And I'm tremendously relieved to know that I'm upper crust when it comes to eating. -KO)

rassel
July 29, 2004, 01:29 PM
nishy which dogs do you consider as your lover? Is it shaggy one?!!!:P
please tell!

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:32 PM
A very depressed man
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:34 PM
The story of a very short man
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks "He can drink?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink."

So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"

The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"

The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:36 PM
The wife is not speaking to me
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 01:42 PM
The wife is not speaking to me
A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.

After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.

He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!" Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

"Oh no; I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."

rassel
July 29, 2004, 01:46 PM
[quote]Originally posted by nishy
Reasons to allow drinking at work
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work.

I have been waiting for this valid reason for a long time nishy! I wish you were here earlier.

Now, i know my employer snup doggy dog will consider these valid reasons and allow me to drink whenever I like.
:wow::fire:

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by rassel]

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:43 PM
Go to save my friend
A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.

One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears--a male and a female.

The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend.

Luckily, the bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female.

"What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:44 PM
You're in big trouble
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:45 PM
Prison vs. a housewife
Prison vs. being a housewife

In prison you get three square meals a day.

At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.

In prison you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.

At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation.

In prison you get to watch TV, cable even.

At home you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.

At home you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison all your medical care is free.

At home you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.

At home you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.

At home you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison you get your own personal toilet.

At home you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.

At home you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.

In prison they take you everywhere you need to go.

At home you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.

At home you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't.

At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:46 PM
The highly-skilled fly
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.

For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune."

Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe.

"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:46 PM
He's a drunk driver
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.

"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.

"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:47 PM
Stealing from a store
This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance tape on the news, and even the anchorman was laughing through it.

A robber came into a convenience store wearing a ski mask and a gun wanting to empty the cash register. He took the clerk to the backstore and locked her up in the fridge. Unfortunately, when he came back to the front of the store, a customer had come in. So he took *off* the ski mask and the gloves, and pretended to be filling in for the clerk. The customer wanted a lottery ticket, so he tried to help her out, by pressing a whole bunch of buttons on the machine (thus leaving fingerprints everywhere), but the machine was not cooperating.

Meanwhile, another customer walks in. Finally, he tells the first customer (after about 5 minutes of close-up shots from the camera) that the machine is not working and that he won't be able to help her. The robber *makes the sale* to the second customer and he leaves as well.

The robber then puts back on his gloves to take the money (after touching just about everything in sight *without* gloves), and hides his face with the palm of his hands as he is leaving. This scene lasted well over 10 minutes, during which, you see and hear the robber as well as in a movie.

The day after excerpts of the tape were aired, the phones at the police station were ringing off the hook. Apparently, even though no reward had been offered, people thought he was too stupid to deserve anything else!

He had to turn himself in that same day.

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:47 PM
Stupid drunk blonde
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 02:51 PM
Police officer's foods
The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

1. Glazed
2. Jelly
3. Powdered
4. Chocolate Frosted

rassel
July 29, 2004, 03:01 PM
Originally posted by rassel
Originally posted by nishy
lol dude your funny:duh:

Wow fishy!!! I am sorry to see your girly-friend Trisha left you for dog! :(

Anyhow, I am glad to see you gat a new puppet for your company!




http://tamiltorrent.com/forums/images/avatars/gallery/Toy%20Story/Bo%20Peep.gif




:D :bird:

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by rassel]

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:07 PM
russel you better shut up...plz stop talking about my family...
if you want to have fun just come and read my post, if you dont want to have fun or read plz dont come here..

rassel
July 29, 2004, 03:11 PM
Originally posted by nishy
russel you better shut up...plz stop talking about my family...
if you want to have fun just come and read my post, if you dont want to have fun or read plz dont come here..

Who is talking about your family kiddy?!!! I am just making an anti joke of your doggy joke!!! Itís very entertaining nishy! Keep it up.
:fire:

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:14 PM
opps sorry russel..maybe it was a misunderstanding

i am so sorry! sorry ! sorry!

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by nishy]

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:15 PM
Would you please move your cars?
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:17 PM
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.

Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!

Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"

Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.

Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.

Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.

Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.

Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.

Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.

Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.

Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.

Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.

Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.

Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.

Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.

Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.

Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.

Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.

Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.

Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.

Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.

Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.

Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.

Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.

Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."

Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.

Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.

Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application

Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!

Yo mama so fat, her nickname is "DAMN"

Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe

Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!

Yo mama so slutty, she could suck a golf ball through six feet of garden hose

Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.

Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.

Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her *** to be the 10th planet.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!

Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.

Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.

Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.

Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and bitch comes back for more.

Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.

Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.

Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!

Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.

Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.

Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.

Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

Yo momma is so fat her blood type is rocky road.

Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.

Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.

Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.

Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!

Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!

Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!

Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow

Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.

Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.

Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.

Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it

Your momma's so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower!

Yo momma's got more mileage then a New York city taxi.

Yo momma's face is so pimply that her tears need a 4x4 to get down her face.

Yo momma so poor when I rang the doorbell she stuck her head out the window and yelled ding dong.

Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.

Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!

Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house 'cause they pay half the rent!

Yo momma's feet are so crusty, when she walks on a wooden floor, it sounds like she's tap dancing.

Yo momma's like a pie, everybody gets a piece.

Yo momma's so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the pacific ocean.

Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy!

Your momma's so fat, your family pictures have to be taken by a satellite!

Your momma's like the village bicycle, everybody gets a ride.

Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

Yo mama so skinny her pyjamas only have one stripe.

Your mommas so ugly the army doesn't use guns any more, they use her picture.

You're mama is so poor that she chases the garbage truck with a shopping list.

Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago.

Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.

Your mother is so fat she asked for a water bed and they put a blanket over the ocean.

Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks by the TV I miss a season of Friends.

<i>Warning: Make sure all posts are G rated.
Moderator</i>

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by nasif : Warning: Make sure all posts are G rated]

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:20 PM
Achtung! This is "The German Joke of the Day"



The world's portal for all people who laugh about German humour. And also the home of our new radio show. Which will run on some radio channel in Britain really soon. Seriously. As soon as we find one. Call up your radio station and tell them about it!



Why are we doing this? Because in Britain, everybody thinks that German jokes are not funny. Only because nobody laughs! Only because we have no Monty Python in Germany! No Mr Bean! No Premier League!



Clearly, this is wrong. In Germany, We have ways to make you laugh. So on these pages, our Laughmeisters from Germany, Herr Kunz and Herr Kallenbrecher, organise some really funny laughter for you. And if you don't get the jokes, do not worry. We are here to explain them to you.



So, next time you sit in one of your late trains, chewing on soggy fish in a newspaper: Cheer up! Listen to a German Joke! Think of Kunz and Kallenbrecher - bringing Humour to Britain!

rassel
July 29, 2004, 03:20 PM
Originally posted by rassel
Originally posted by rassel
Originally posted by nishy
lol dude your funny:duh:

Wow fishy!!! I am sorry to see your girly-friend Trisha left you for dog! :(

Anyhow, I am glad to see you gat a new puppet for your company!




http://tamiltorrent.com/forums/images/avatars/gallery/Toy%20Story/Bo%20Peep.gif




:D :bird:

[Edited on 29-7-2004 by rassel] :fire::great::joy::ninja::bird:

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:21 PM
Q: How do you get a German out of the bath?
A: Turn on the water.

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:23 PM
Why did Microsoft give the name "Windows" to its operating software?
If you had so many bugs, you would throw it out the window too!

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:23 PM
What to not say to the nice policeman:
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

nishy
July 29, 2004, 03:23 PM
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

rassel
July 29, 2004, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by rassel
nishy which dogs do you consider as your lover? Is it shaggy one?!!!:P
please tell!


i gat it! is not shaggy one, but this one!



http://www.tvacres.com/images/tacobell_dog3.gif



"Yo Quiero Doggy Bell Nishy""Yo Quiero Doggy Bell Nishy"

Alomelo
July 29, 2004, 06:31 PM
dont know whats going on in this "non humourous jokes stuff" someone is keep posting this nonsence and I think very few are reading those...... better waste your time elsewhere...

nihi
July 30, 2004, 04:16 PM
Due to the lack of interest and general misunderstanding that nihi and nishy are the same person, the saga of snoop doggy dogg ends here.

Habibul_bashar
July 31, 2004, 04:46 AM
The Solitary Reaper

Behold her, single in the field,
You Solitary Highland lass!
Reaping and singing by hersalf;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and Binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the vale profound
Is overflowing with the ground.
No nightingale did ever chaunt
More wellcome notes to weary bands
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne,er was heard
In spring-time from the cuckoo_bird,
Breaking the silence of the seas
Among the farthest Hebrides.


From my Secondary English For Today:great:

Unknown
July 31, 2004, 01:03 PM
Wow, the insanity of this thread is beyond explanation... do you people not have time to pursue other creative hobbies... or time wasting is your main hobby and does not allow for other ones?

All in all, funny but not the jokes.... :-/

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:44 PM
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.:fire:

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:46 PM
When is a dogs tail not a dogs tail?

When it's a waggin' (a wagon)!

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:46 PM
What holiday do dogs like best?

Howl-a-ween.

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:51 PM
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers?

A bud hound (bloodhound).

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:51 PM
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

It's not polite to talk back to your paw.

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:51 PM
Why did the dog feel as frisky as a puppy?

It got a new leash on life!

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:52 PM
Why do some of our canine friends prefer to stay home?

Because it's a dog-eat-dog world out there!

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:53 PM
What is the dogs favorite city?

New Yorkie!

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:55 PM
Two men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a dog by the other man and asked if his dog bites. The man said no. So the other man reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The Man said "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite". The other man said "that's not my dog" .

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:55 PM
Budís dog had been jumping around all day and looking good; then suddenly passed out. Bud grabbed the dog and headed for the Vet. The Vet examined the dog and exclaimed, "this dog is dead!". Bud said, "Your crazy"! That dog is only two years old and has always been healthy". The Vet said, "Well, Iíll try again". After looking over the dog for the second time, he confirmed his diagnoses, "The dog is dead." Bud couldnít accept this, so the Vet said he could try one other thing. He went to the back room and came back with a cat. He put the cat on the dog and the cat started biting and scratching the dogójumping from one end of the dog to the other. No response! The Vet said, "that dog is dead." Finally, Bud said "I guess your right, how much do I owe you?". The Vet said,"$325.00." "Why so much?", asked Bud. The Vet said,"$25.00 for the Exam... and $300 for the Cat scan."

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:56 PM
It was a slow day in heaven so God telephoned Satan to see what was going on. "Itís slow here too," says Satan. "Well," God said, " I think a dog show might be fun. Letís put on a dog show." "Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? Youíve got all the dogs up there." "I know," answered God, "But, youíve got all the judges down there!"

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:57 PM
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, he's just for good luck. A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dog, she said firmly, " to find the fire hydrant."

nishy
July 31, 2004, 01:57 PM
No Dogs Allowed.

A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and
"tapped" his way into the establishment. The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here. "The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing Eye dog!" "You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?" "What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Unknown
July 31, 2004, 02:15 PM
Is this ever going to stop....? I get the feeling I helped you out in your insane quest to absurdly become the number one poster... or have you other aspirations?

The jokes are not even funny, all about dogs... have you been exposed to a lot of dogmatic views (probably that your full of idiocy, stupidity or even of plain lunacy) about you that you resort to such awful and ill-thought of jokes?... :-/

If you have something original, then perhaps I would appreciate the jokes you offer and your wish to entertain us :)

Habibul_bashar
August 1, 2004, 01:58 AM
Who is this dog is this nishy?

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:49 PM
Bad reception

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:50 PM
Blonde Nurse

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
In case she had to draw some blood.

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:51 PM
Q: What did the digital clock say to his mother?

A: Look ma no hands!

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:52 PM
Blonde crossing the road
Why did the blonde cross the road?

I don't know.

Neither did he.

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:52 PM
Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:53 PM
Drivers Licence
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:53 PM
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:54 PM
A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:54 PM
Dumb Blonde Crooks
Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

nishy
August 1, 2004, 03:54 PM
Need Samples
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Habibul_bashar
August 2, 2004, 04:49 AM
Well Joke.I am w... for you.I am in online of msn.:great:::great::great:

nishy
August 3, 2004, 12:25 AM
cool

Habibul_bashar
August 3, 2004, 06:57 AM
What you telling sageX?


[Edited on 7-8-2004 by Habibul_bashar]

sageX
August 6, 2004, 10:50 PM
Habibul Bashar you killed a nice thread man.:mad:

Habibul_bashar
August 7, 2004, 02:28 AM
Where is our mamber or joker girl nishy?
She is now not posting in banglacricket. She can make well joke.

nihi
August 7, 2004, 02:42 AM
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
Where is our mamber or joker girl nishy?
She is now not posting in banglacricket. She can make well joke.

Hey, why don't you go ahead and write for her. You can't do any different, can you?

Habibul_bashar
August 7, 2004, 02:49 AM
Originally posted by nihi
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
Where is our mamber or joker girl nishy?
She is now not posting in banglacricket. She can make well joke.

Hey, why don't you go ahead and write for her. You can't do any different, can you?
I have found her in a msn groups.(Please chack you u2u)I will tell you where are she in u2u

nihi
August 7, 2004, 02:51 AM
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
Originally posted by nihi
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
Where is our mamber or joker girl nishy?
She is now not posting in banglacricket. She can make well joke.

Hey, why don't you go ahead and write for her. You can't do any different, can you?
I have found her in a msn groups.(Please chack you u2u)I will tell you where are she in u2u

But you haven't u2u-ed me (as expected)

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:00 PM
hi people i am back, i was bussy with my exams

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:01 PM
Q: How do you train King Kong?

A: Hit him with a rolled up newspaper building.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Where do monkeys pick up wild rumors?

A: Over the apevine.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you do with a blue monkey?

A: Cheer it up!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What did the banana say to the monkey?

A: Nothing. Bananas don't talk!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do monkeys do for laughs?

A: They tell people jokes!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do monkeys get down the stairs?

A: They slide down the banana-ster!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a parrot?

A. Polly wants a cracker NOW!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?

A. Very lost!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?

A. It won't be long.

:bravo:

Rubu
August 8, 2004, 02:03 PM
nishy, we missed u:P

this thread 194 replyes. i guess 160 are from yours own. thats a record. wanna give it a try to make it 266?

why 266? thats the new craze number.

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:07 PM
the priority of our new P.M. Manmohan singh:-

1. ab 12 nahi bagega, 11 se sidah 1 bagega.
2. all sardar jokes will be banned.
3. bolo tara rara....... will be our national anthem.

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:09 PM
yeh boys i am back........
i had exams thats why i could not post anything...

Habibul_bashar
August 8, 2004, 02:24 PM
I also too
Originally posted by AgentSmith
nishy, we missed u:P

this thread 194 replyes. i guess 160 are from yours own. thats a record. wanna give it a try to make it 266?

why 266? thats the new craze number.

Habibul_bashar
August 8, 2004, 02:26 PM
Originally posted by nishy
yeh boys i am back........
i had exams thats why i could not post anything...
Did your have more exams?Please go on Msn Messenger.

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:43 PM
Deer Hunters

Two redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their pickemup truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the lone hunter left, the two rednecks decided to give it a try. A little while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the truck...."

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:44 PM
The French Pilot

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out on a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"

She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:46 PM
Relatively

Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

Habibul_bashar
August 8, 2004, 02:47 PM
Great story:clap::clap::clap::clap:

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:50 PM
Burglary

"Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was
down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything?" his mates asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts.
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

nishy
August 8, 2004, 02:52 PM
Tell The Difference

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."

"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake."

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.

"You`d better believe there is a difference, your honor. That`s why I want the divorce." he replied.

Habibul_bashar
August 8, 2004, 02:58 PM
T....r...i....s...h..a good bye for today.I am going to eat :bravo:now.

Navarene
August 8, 2004, 03:41 PM
for nishy & habibul :D
http://img11.exs.cx/img11/2300/dogglass.jpg

nishy
August 8, 2004, 03:49 PM
oops nice picture man

sageX
August 9, 2004, 02:55 PM
Here is a joke: For Nishy

One lady went to the church father to talk about her late husband.

Wife: Father I was beside him when my husband died.

Father: very sad! What was his last words?

Wife: Please! Don't do it!

fab
August 9, 2004, 10:40 PM
Originally posted by Habibul_bashar
"Man love money"
"Bee love honey"
"But"
"I love you"

:duh: So Mr Habibul Bashar, does that mean you are neither man nor bee?

btw, what's with this huge influx of trolls recently? Magical creatures.. Three eyes.. Dog eating men.. Are these characters spawns of the infamous ABHS/MBA/Suds?

insideedge
August 9, 2004, 11:55 PM
So, this site should not have posts about science fiction and jokes. All fiction must pertain to cricket only:)..... just joking

The science fiction posters are not trolls if you go by their earlier posts. The person posting jokes certainly is.


[Edited on 10-8-2004 by insideedge]

suds
August 10, 2004, 12:07 AM
wow! never knew I happened to be so fab-ulously infamous!

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:35 AM
A Blonde Party

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
Women!

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:35 AM
A Blonde with Earrings

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:36 AM
Pay the Price

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."

The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."

The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.

"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."

The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.

Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:37 AM
Your Mama''s Glasses

Your mama''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:37 AM
Sandwich

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.
The bartender turns, looks at him and says, ''Sorry sir, we don't serve food here!!''

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:38 AM
Blonde Bicycle

Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:39 AM
Blonde Confusion

How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her a blonde joke.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:39 AM
Blonde Coffee Drinker

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:40 AM
Blonde and House

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?
A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:40 AM
500 lawyers in the ocean

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:41 AM
Blonde and Taxi

Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?
A: Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:41 AM
Blonde Arrow

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:42 AM
A Few Good Men

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor says the man. I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me."

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:42 AM
Another Dumb Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:43 AM
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator...

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.

St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."

nishy
August 13, 2004, 11:43 AM
Adventures in Disneyland

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

nishy
August 13, 2004, 04:24 PM
hi people!!! plz post some jokes ( if u got any )...........

nihi
August 13, 2004, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by nishy
hi people!!! plz post some jokes ( if u got any )...........

I got some. But I won't give it to you. Cuz, then I will have none.

nishy
August 14, 2004, 12:27 AM
lol nice joke

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:16 AM
Bad reception

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes."

She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:16 AM
3 blondes jump off a building ...

Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:16 AM
Lunch time

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, The red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head's husband said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly j so she wouldn't jump off."

The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldnt jump off."

They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:" Don't look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!"

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:17 AM
Upside Down Blonde

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:17 AM
Blonde Nurse

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
In case she had to draw some blood.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:17 AM
Dead Mama

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:18 AM
3 Wishes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:18 AM
Indecent Exposure

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:18 AM
Pre-Paid Plan

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:18 AM
Blonde Braincells

How do blondes' braincells die?
Alone.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:19 AM
Don't Eat the Brown Ones

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.

"What did you do that for?" he asked her.

"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:19 AM
Puzzle Pieces

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"

One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:19 AM
Baking Blondes

One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!"
The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?"

They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:19 AM
Soccer Blonde

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:19 AM
Blonde Mixup

How do you know when a blondes been having a bad day?
Shes got a tampon behind her ear, and she's lookin 4 her pencil.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:20 AM
Your Mama''s Glasses

Your mama''s glasses are so thick that when she lookes on a map she can see people waving.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:20 AM
Hey fatty

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:20 AM
yo mama is so dumb...

Yo mama is so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:21 AM
Yo mama's football knowledge

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back was a refund.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:21 AM
Hairclub for Women

Yo mama so ugly, she's not bald, it's just her hair runnin' away from her face.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:21 AM
Me, I want a hoola hoop

Yo mama so skinny, she can hoola hoop a cheerio.

nishy
August 15, 2004, 08:21 AM
Ding Dong

Yo mama so poor, when you ring her bell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"