Thanks Ahsan. It has been almost 10 days since I wrote it and I was really feeling in touch with my inner Guidance. I lost that intuitive feel. Tainted perhaps? Before I
felt, my body knew what to do. I put it to "test" trying to solve Rubik's cube with my intuition. When I came close to solving second layer, I sabotaged myself.
Also thing with your natural intuitive divine intelligence (universal intelligence or subconscious) is that you can't really force it. Suppose conscious mind (the part capable of storing 7 bits at a time) may be your egoic self that is greedy and wants you to push push and push, but your natural divine self may have other ideas. It may have other self-serving, survival mechanism activating ideas...
Perhaps at that point your greedy egoic self wants to solve cube purely out of skepticism and doubt. But your natural divine self wants to activate latent curiosity and other talents.
So I kinda lost it. But in my initial period after getting in touch with my intuition, I felt a strong connection to do something, like a force or an instinct. My first 'success' came in a live chess game at chess.com where I was materially down 4-13 and I actually won that game. I knew no matter how bizarre a 'move' seems you have to trust it, because your inner subconscious programming capable of millions of computational power can 'sense it'. So I was on a stretch and then after a streak of five or six wins, I got bored and decided to see if I can 'use' my 'intuition' to 'cure my eyesight' or 'myopia' or memorize a book. I failed on both accounts, but the weird part of these experiences was the
feeling. You
felt you could do it.
For those who are still skeptical about subconscious powers and may assert their doubt with my failures will fail to note the times it DID pay off. Of course other than the brilliant flashes and insight in chess, my subconscious power only flourished when I wasn't pushing it. For instance, during 'low intensity' acts as taking shower or driving.
It almost felt superhuman. From anything I did to folding my clothes, to cutting down water usage during shower to maximize global efficiency to driving, to novel knot tying of my
neyar, to pouring water and washing dishes, it was almost your sub- or superconscious 'knew' exactly the most efficient, economic, parsimonious, less time consuming and also economical in terms of movement and 'extra' moves. I felt like I was entirely a different being. MY TRUE BEING. That was how God made me to be. Without labels. Without labels that I am 'good' as a writer or in humor or in creativity. I Simply WAS. I was a blank state, my pure superconscious being and I knew I could program myself to be anything I want even if it meant passing Navy SEAL budcamp.
Going back to skepticism, I urge and invite everyone to try the simple internal clock control thing. I mean once I gave my subconscious mind a command to wake up at 3:33 am after coming home from a party really tired and
without any will or effort I woke up EXACTLY at 3:33 am. Many else have vouched for this.
In reality it is really nothing magical or woo-woo. Your brain is an incredibly powerful organism. Like an organic computer it sees, feels and records everything. So it is obvious what may seem like 'strange' or 'mysticism' ... in reality there is some really underlying logical connexion.
And just like any 'natural powers' you need to learn to control. Intuition is no different. I am kind of open minded when it comes to healers and psychic. And most people assumes once you are psychic you will go to Vegas and win billions. That is like saying once you can read and write, you will get Nobel Prize in literature next day. You still need to control and hone your powers and there are degrees of skill and gradations.
Anyway, now I feel more 'normal'. It was almost my baby-like mint condition of instinctual drive was unleashed for a short while when I felt I could do anything if I had a 'feel' for it. I failed some, and I gained some.
Now back to normalcy, I am taking it more easily and soothingly. Now I do not force myself with affirmations and willpower. These often lead me to slip into bad days and habits when I don't run or once in a while toke. But there is an inherent danger in
positive thinking and psychology. This is this: You try to force yourself to be happy when you are not all the time which may have later explosive effects after constant repression.
Sure in this forum, we trumpet positivity. But most importantly, we have to acknowledge all the frustrations, irritations, snarky sliding remarks and slander to some extent. If you constantly try to force yourself to be 'positive' all the time, you become extremely negative. Ain't that some s***? You become judgemental of people who smoke cigarettes and don't exercise or constantly gossip and slander and libel about other people. You start judging the judger.
Besides in the highest level there is NO DUALITY. There is one. You and I are completely one. It is kind of like a necker cube. Holographic. Reality is BOTH within and within. We are inside it and it is inside us. Paradoxical. Brain is in the vat and vat in the brain if you will. So ALL OTHER PEOPLE'S imperfections, irritations, bad habits and negativities is REFLECTION of YOUR consciousness.
But that is in the highest level. For normal day to day life, when someone cuts you off in traffic, for most part, you don't self-chastize and say 'oh that bugger must be me...I must have been a d--- to someone before'.
So now I have started to take a more 'advaita' or non-dual approach. Found a reservoir of resources. It is called
Buddha at the Gas Pump. And I am trying to invoke a more 'natural transformation'.
One of the recurring defining themes in almost all the Awakening experiences from 'extra dimensional beings or angels' is this:
You need to accept and embrace the life you are having. There is a reason why it is so. You are Gods and the reason why you are experiencing the suffering right now is because you originally intended and meant to do so.
It makes sense too. I mean if you are indeed a divine being, wouldn't it make sense NOT to live a superperfect Jason Bourne type godly life every passing second? You WOULD want to f up. LOL You would WANT to screw up. Just to see the taste and feel of it. In that... in THAT lies great poignancy and poetic touch.
Suffering is grace.
P.S. Thanks every one for the support. Din Raat actually inboxed me and had nothing but praise and compliment.
I also leave
something I wrote a long time ago out of whim which will give insight why suffering is grace.