[bujhee kom]

Naah dostos, on a serious note what happened in the last few months, I had to be away a lot for work/jibika norbah-er karoney, where ever work came form(baghdad, Basrah, Beirut), we (as an office/practice) were desperate and we took it as architetcural work was drying up around here for a while during the end of 2008 econimical plunge and depression. I had to go away a lot and very frequently and although it was very hard and at times almost impossible, but Columbia worked with me, my department supported me and I still managed to graduate this past Oct. 17 and received my MS in Landscape Design, this is my third masters (I am not bragging here, but I want my little brothers and sisters here to know this and I want them to be inspired and know that age(my age of 42), life's different hard challenges, curve balls etc. can be overcome, and there is litterally NO mountain high enough.

What made our lives particularly hard though, me and wife's is that we had a tough scare of her being diagnosed with overian cancer. And we had a lot of conflicting test results and we had some very worrysome and tough nights and days together. I did not want to be left alone with the cats and rabbits if my wife was to be gone from our realm that we know as present. My poor wife suffered a lot for me and my core faith is based on the foundation of my wife's love for me. I am very very dependant on her and being a selfish person, all I could think of for months what would become of me, if my wife dies today and what will I do without her. The results are more positive this past week and Mashallah, the doctores rejected any possibilty of cancer. I am most grateful to God, Allah the Almighty.

Then my amma has been in the hospital the past several months due to her mysthenia (spell), a nerve related diesease, Dr. Rubel da here in BC will understand it better than me as he is a neorologist and she is losing total control over her muscle function on the left side of her body, she is bed ridden, her right eye she lost the vision about 14 years ago and the left eye now, due to Mysthenia, she can barely open the eyelid. She just had an open heart surgery a few months ago and she is not a very mentally stable person, when physically feeling better she can have a massive, mean anger issue with people around her, especially my younger brother (who takes care of his both parents), my abba, my little sister in-law and the kind people that help her. Due to her open heart surgery amma has to take steroid and that brought diebeitcs on her and she also has to take insulin now 3 times a day.

My father is very unwell as well. He is an advanced stage Parkinson disease patient where he has barely any control on the left side of his body, his hands shake 24/7 even when he sleeps at night. Poor abba also had open heart surgery and he is a full blown diabetic patient and been taking insulin twice a day for over a decade. And because of his pro-longed diabetics he has numerous infections on his feet and lower legs which do not heal - due to diabetics, and these cause serious frequent hospitalization...I went to Dhaka a few times in recent time for a couple of days only, I couldn't call any of you bhais because I feel so very depressed.

I feel a lot of it, my surrounding happennings are reactions to my own sins, wrong-doing and I today, realize one must pay for all his deeds, good and bad, and my wrong-doings must have caught up with me and now it's my time to repent. I know a lot of times, I get to excited and as I am a raw emotion driven person, I hurt many people here in BC. Today, I am genuinely sorry for that and I have nothing but regret.

Please pray for me and my families my dearest bhais and apus. I promise I will do the same for you.