Guys guys... stop spamming me and inboxing me with updates and ideas.
Here is your much awaited and much asked handbook that I get DM-ed for.
A 12 Step Guide to Being the Ultimate Negative Nelly and Debbie Downer par excellence
1. Sentence must use
titkiri (slang).
2. There should be a
khocha mara (poke) of at least one separate word minimum.
3. The tone should be
himdaila (untranslatable) in nature.
4. The sentence may start with "Eeeeeeeh....." as in "Eeeeeeehhh ekta six mairay nijeke Bradman money kore sh---a"
5. You must find anti-silver lining in EVERYTHING.
Examplia gratia:
Situation: Bangladesh wins World Cup 2018
Accepted reaction:
a.
Bujjhhi.... test status pawar atharo bosor por...kono rokome koshte moshte kotaye kotaye final jitse konorokome... boli aro ektu dosh bosor por derite korlei parto
b.
Ekhon Allah r waste mathay na uthlei hoy... dekha jabe next match South Sudan er kase dosh wicketey
harse
6. Must criticize the small achievements ruthlessly, relentlessly, and ascetically like a self-flagellating Mohoroom dudes, or an anal retentive Zen monk uttering the hymn "musn't smile at any cost, musn't smile at any cost....musn't smile at any cost...."
7. MUST use AT LEAST one demotivational phrase as in:
-desher manush bhaat khaite pare na r uni everest climb kore
-desher manush bhaat khaite pare na r uni chaade jawar shopno dekhe
-desher manush bhaat khaite pare na r unara bmw kine man of the match hoye
8. Need to SIGH at least once and use TWO of the following clauses:
kono luv nai....kisui hobe na... etodin jokhon hoynai... kono dino hobe na.. r hoise... eto kisu koirao luv nai... behuda paisa dhale... morning shows the day... 17 bosor poro jodi na series jite r kono dino hobe na... mul kotha hoche 'we ar just not good enough''..
9. Not mandatory but preferably an occasional sentence as "Let's face it we are not world class" or "We don't have world class players" is recommended.
10. Highly urge to use a "he's good, but not #1" or "if playing for few years, he thinks he is #1...then we have nothing to say"
11. Any of the following interjections is allowed and accepted IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: 1. scoffing; 2. snickering; 3. cynical; 4. finicky or fussy with "*sigh* dekhi" tone' 5. sassy with measured "jhaaz"; and last but not the least... and any form of 6. 'stuck down so let's pull down' frame of reference.
12. NO MATTER HOW BRIGHT THE MATCH SITUATION IS, MUST have at least one ristslitting note: "1 run to win, 10 overs, 8 wickets... waiting for a collapse..." or say opposition needs 36 runs from last ball "watch now how Rubel leaks runs or Kamrul sprays down the leg..."
BONUS!!!!
13. (Hey, can't be a downer without harking triskaidekaphobia..
)
Insert [This is the real Bangladesh] at any time.
TWO POWER BOOSTS TO ANTE THE NEGATIVE SPIRIT:
1.
Excusitis. Must use AT LEAST ONE excuse (for instance, scapegoating, victimization, lack of physique, stamina...) to justify losses or impending losses.
2. PING PONG Principle: Basically the tenet is say or do something that is COMPLETELY OPPOSITE to the player's behavior:
-For instance, i. if a keeper drops catches and smiles? catch drop koira hashe abar, lojja shorom nai.
ii. if a keeper drops catches and upset? dekhona, mukh kala koira rakse... money hoy jeno koto koshto kortese
OR,
i. if a player celebrates after 100? "bhabkana jeno nobel prize jitese"
ii. if a player does NOT celebrate 100? "Dekhona, ohonkare...r futani te bache na... mood e bache na"
Well you get the gist.
Remember with practice comes mastery!