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Forget Cricket Talk about anything [within Board Rules, of course :) ]

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  #1  
Old June 29, 2013, 10:23 PM
Zeeshan's Avatar
Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Default An earnest appeal to BCB to hire me as a medium fast-bowler (CV attached)

Position Applied for: Bangladesh Cricket Board (BCB) medium-fast specialist for Tiger's National Team, Bangladesh

CONTACT INFORMATION



Na
me Mir Zeeshan Mahmud (Gopal Bhar)
Address Anaheim, California (full address withheld)
Telephone (withheld)
Cell Phone (withheld)
Email (zeeshan.mahmud11atgmaildotcom)


Date of Birth 10/18/1983
Place of Birth Dhaka, Bangladesh
Citizenship Dual- US/Bangladeshi
Visa Status N/A
Sex Male

Optional Personal Information
Marital Status Single, celibate
Spouse's Name: You kiddin' right?
Children: N/A, Not known too

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

Work History: Various shifts as Security Guard, Fry's electronics trainee, Orange Coast College (dishwasher) , Disneyland
Academic Positions: Sadly, none
Research and Training: Facebooking

EDUCATION

High School: Garden Grove High School
University/College: Orange Coast College, Costa Mesa
Graduate School: N/A
Post-Doctoral Training: N/A

PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATIONS

Certifications and Accreditations
Computer Skills: Facebook, Myspace, Internet

AWARDS
None

PUBLICATIONS

  • Cricket and the Art of Memory (Espncricinfo)
  • James Southerton: An Immortal Inspiration (Espncricinfo)

PROFESSIONAL MEMBERSHIPS

American Philately Club

INTERESTS

Almost anything imaginable

Area of Expertise

Wicket on will.

Personal Skills

  • Egoistical not team player
  • Likes Cricket
  • Fame hungry
  • Attention whore

References: Dr Zunaid Kazi, [Insert Signature]
Philosophy and other personal comments:



As Dr Jekyll
I believe in the power of wicket on demand. Envisage, a cricket ball hitting you at knots, which got power to destroy you physically and cause instant death. I have personally been influenced heavily by Waqar-Wasim-Javed and Lillee's school to cause scourge of God and fear instilled when I run upto the crease. All I need is once chance, just once chance and I guarantee while I cannot guarantee it would be a maiden over without wides, but you WILL get a wicket. I ball to kill. I am an assassin. I have assassin's mentality. To an en expert a cricket ball is not a ball but a weapon of choice. Toe crushers, yorkers, reverses, beamers I do it all and I can make one utter japmala haplessly as I see myself break wickets from short-run up generating medium pace. My grip is normal, rather loosey-goosey with wristy action to generate swing, and I usually consider myself as a discus thrower rather than a cricketer who wants to get the crystal skull of glass jaw of the victim batsman. Yeaaah, whuzzzz up...

As Mr. Hyde

Not sure if Vasari or who said it that polymath Renaissance Man Leon Batista Alberti could throw cards at the ceiling a trick copied by Las Vegas magician to cut a water melon like a ninjutsu's shuriken. Thing is a cricket ball is a projectile and it can kill. Yes, and that is why I fear Herr Doktor. Even if I am wearing guard and batting, the shock generated by a heinous scumbag hell bent on hitting my nuts can kill. Yes, I don't like batting. Batting is my greatest fear; I have battophobia. Yes, this is what fast bowlers like Steyn, Lee, Malinga, Akram, Ambrose instills in you. F-E-A-R.

Yes, holistically through my dichotomous behavior I can mange a vicious fast bowler. I have good control of my line and length and I come from the street with uncanny ability to pin-point any location on pitch to land my ball. My greatest fear to face ball is my greatest asset to summon that fear as a bowler. Finally, as Ian would have it:
Just a posting from an interview I heard when the GB Olympics team came back from Beijing with more Gold medals than ever. There was a radio interview with the Performance Director of the squad. He was asked: "How did GB win so many medals in the rowing?"

His reply was beautiful. And for me, it sums up what professional sport is all about.

He said: "We took the guys into a training camp and worked out the most efficient way of the rowing the boat. It took us a couple of days hooked up to machines to show us what muscles did what job and what seat angle and body angle helped generate the best force on the oars. Once we found what it was, we trained the whole crew for days and months on making this as close to perfect as possible. We went out on the practice lake and did this over and over and over until it became like clockwork. They could almost row in their sleep. We only allowed them to do what they would need in the race, no more, no less.

"In the final of the Olympics, the gun went off and the crew just did what they had practiced in training. 1,000, 2,000 3,000 strokes. Only focused on the movement, only thinking of what they were doing. One stroke at a time.. one perfect movement at a time. And when they looked up, they had won the Gold medal.

"The secret of winning the race was not to focus on that, but to concentrate on rowing the boat. Once the whole team did their job the outcome was inevitable. Nothing was left to chance. There could not have been any other result.

"This is how we coach and train athletes. We teach them that if they master the processes, then the outcome will take care of itself. That's why we won so many Gold medals."

I really couldn't say this any better myself

That's how I treat a ball, one ball at a time. And if my life depended on to ball a single ball in a single over, I would make sure it's a shot worth it.
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  #2  
Old June 29, 2013, 10:34 PM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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As Al-Furqaan would say: Waiting response from RazabQ, AsifTheManRahman, cricket_king, nadim98, Isnaad and other senior members of the forum before I comment further.
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  #3  
Old June 29, 2013, 10:40 PM
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ReZ_1 ReZ_1 is offline
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But i am concerned about your fitness issues.....
hope you won't grunt like srk while bowling at your express speed..
medium hoye lav nai... either be too slow to handle or too fast to gamble
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  #4  
Old June 29, 2013, 10:48 PM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Disagree. Biomechanics is how efficiently your body form moves through the space. You can be a fat fool like me but if you use least amount of energy to generate maximum force or power, what's wrong with that?

Counter example, sports phenom Bermudan player Dwayne Leverock

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  #5  
Old June 29, 2013, 11:50 PM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Manush ke niye thattya hasha-hashi korte nei. Thattya hasha-hashi korle onek gunah hoy.

Training from Brett LEE

Relevant partS:

Quote:
The secret of bowling fast? It's all about rhythm. And angles. And staying fit and getting your body to click. There are certain things that will come naturally - your general coordination, for instance, and snapping your wrist at the point of delivery - and there are other things you can learn about and change. But, deep down, I think bowling fast is something you have to want to do with a passion, because it's very hard work.
This, basically, is how I do it.
Quote:
In the past couple of months, I've shortened my run-up. I suppose like most kids growing up, I thought you had to have a huge run-up to bowl quick. Most fast bowlers back in the glory days, the Sixties and Seventies, went back a long way, almost pushing off the fence to start their run. We used to mimic them. But my run up now is 21 metres and 30 centimetres. Exactly. And I know it is exact because we use a tape-measure to get it right. It's about 21 paces, as I try to do long strides when I'm stepping it out.
Quote:
I've done a lot of work with the great fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who has been a terrific help. To find what suits you best, you get a nice open field, with a stump down one end, you close your eyes and you push off and wait until it feels comfortable, and then run up and just bowl.
Quote:
Someone will mark exactly where your front foot landed, and you don't worry about where the ball goes. Then you go back and do it again, pushing off the same mark, run and let it go while feeling comfortable, and hopefully you will release the ball at the same point.
You find after doing this about 10 times that you are releasing the ball at pretty much the same spot - perhaps a couple of millimetres out - and then you take the average of all of them and that's basically your best run-up, the one that allows you to best hit a rhythm.
Quote:
The fastest I've been clocked at is 157.4 kph, which is around 98 mph. That was in South Africa last year (see table). The second fastest was 156 kph, which was over there again in 2000. It might be something in the air, and South Africa has been a pretty happy hunting ground for me.
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  #6  
Old June 30, 2013, 02:09 AM
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Tigers_eye Tigers_eye is offline
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পাত্রি চাই - বিঞ্জাপন ।

Among Gopal's many attempt.
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  #7  
Old June 30, 2013, 05:58 AM
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shuziburo shuziburo is offline
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Your expertise of landing the ball looks useful.
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  #8  
Old June 30, 2013, 10:51 AM
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sum_1 sum_1 is offline
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Wrong website. Wouldn't have many eyeballs from the BCB. Should've posted this on the ACSU homepage. That is where the board members are keeping an eye on most these days.
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  #9  
Old June 30, 2013, 05:46 PM
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al Furqaan al Furqaan is offline
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I'm more senior in age and BC experience than nadim and Isnaad.
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  #10  
Old July 1, 2013, 04:51 AM
MHRAM MHRAM is offline
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Bhai apnar jonno ekta advice:

Muri Khao Bhaa
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  #11  
Old July 1, 2013, 06:33 AM
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Roni_uk Roni_uk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigers_eye
পাত্রি চাই - বিঞ্জাপন ।

Among Gopal's many attempt.
Eita jodi patri chai biggapon hoye thake, tahole this is a superfail - no qualification, no employment history... just a pretty face!

& dishwashing doesn't count (even though IT IS a requirement)
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  #12  
Old July 1, 2013, 06:36 AM
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Jadukor Jadukor is offline
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my thoughts on this application (withheld)
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  #13  
Old July 1, 2013, 07:45 AM
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BengaliPagol BengaliPagol is offline
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If looks were a sole criterion to become a pace bowler then Zeeshan bhai would be picked without a doubt.
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  #14  
Old July 1, 2013, 11:57 AM
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sum_1 sum_1 is offline
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If this is a পাত্রি চাই বিঞ্জাপন, then posting this ad on the matrimonial column will cost more than the marriage itself.
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  #15  
Old July 2, 2013, 11:17 AM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Thank you all for your flattering and fattening comments. By the way? FC? Really mods? BCB hardly comes to this site, let alone go to FC. j/k
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