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  #1  
Old September 12, 2009, 03:25 PM
Afnan Rahm Afnan Rahm is offline
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Default College Admission Essay

Im trying to apply to universities, but i am stumped by the prompts that are given. The questions are:

Quote:
1.Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

2. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I would really appreciate if you guys give me some ideas or input to help me get into college.

I have some ideas right now that might be a good topic, but I am unsure. For question number 1, I want to write about the relationship i have with my father. For 17 years i have lived with my father telling me that I can not achieve. I have good grades my friends, but they are not enough for him. I try hard and give everything I do a lot of effort, but its just not enough for him. He fails to recognize the talent and potential i have, and only comments on my weaknesses. However, the only time the strife fades away, is when we both watch the Laker's game. I have grown up watching the Lakers game since my father took me to one when i was 5. This game is when we put our differences aside and enjoy a father and son bonding time you can call it. I might not be the 6 foot 7 guys on the television screen or be able to play basketball like Kobe Bryant, but I believe that deep inside, this man who has called me a failure, loves me no matter what i do or what i'll become. He is the man that pushes me and drives me to give me a life that he has never had. Moving from Bangladesh to America has been hard on him. He just wants to give me a life he never had.

And for prompt 2: no clue.

Hopefully you guys can help me, thanks again.
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  #2  
Old September 12, 2009, 03:29 PM
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goru goru is offline
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I see your interesting first post and raise you a completely useless reply.
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  #3  
Old September 12, 2009, 03:30 PM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Shardul - perfect time - GIve him the college admission seal.
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  #4  
Old September 12, 2009, 03:53 PM
Afnan Rahm Afnan Rahm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orpheus
Shardul - perfect time - GIve him the college admission seal.
What seal?
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  #5  
Old September 12, 2009, 04:15 PM
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Afnan dont pay attention to orpheus or Zm. They are just messing with you. I found your first post very touching. Good luck with the essays and college admission. Its not too hard. The only reason your father is not praising you is to get the best out of you. Dont worry in due time you should make him proud.
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  #6  
Old September 12, 2009, 04:29 PM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layperson
The only reason your father is not praising you is to get the best out of you. Dont worry in due time you should make him proud.
Or maybe his dad doesn't like him. Maybe he wanted a girl instead of a boy. Hell maybe he was adopted. Or a mistake of his past. Don't mislead him....many possibilites, don't assume the best always - that is called being in denial - it's a psychiatric illness.
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  #7  
Old September 12, 2009, 04:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orpheus
Or maybe his dad doesn't like him. Maybe he wanted a girl instead of a boy. Hell maybe he was adopted. Or a mistake of his past. Don't mislead him....many possibilites, don't assume the best always - that is called being in denial - it's a psychiatric illness.
WHat you are saying is called being cynical. Its not about assuming the best, I know I am right. I always am.
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  #8  
Old October 7, 2009, 07:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layperson
WHat you are saying is called being cynical. Its not about assuming the best, I know I am right. I always am.
isn't this called delusion ?
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  #9  
Old September 12, 2009, 04:44 PM
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Dear Afnan Rahm bhaiya, I want to wish you the very best in the admissions process and I wish and pray that you get into the college of your top choice, Inshallah!

Please PM me if you want to talk about the specifics of the question #2. We can discuss it further and elaborately and construct something good.

Love and peace! B/K
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  #10  
Old September 12, 2009, 09:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bujhee kom
Dear Afnan Rahm bhaiya, I want to wish you the very best in the admissions process and I wish and pray that you get into the college of your top choice, Inshallah!

Please PM me if you want to talk about the specifics of the question #2. We can discuss it further and elaborately and construct something good.

Love and peace! B/K
Javed, the best of the best among us
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  #11  
Old September 12, 2009, 08:25 PM
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I love you man. I think I will use your idea with the relationship with your dad.
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  #12  
Old September 12, 2009, 09:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afnan Rahm
Im trying to apply to universities, but i am stumped by the prompts that are given. The questions are:



I would really appreciate if you guys give me some ideas or input to help me get into college.

I have some ideas right now that might be a good topic, but I am unsure. For question number 1, I want to write about the relationship i have with my father. For 17 years i have lived with my father telling me that I can not achieve. I have good grades my friends, but they are not enough for him. I try hard and give everything I do a lot of effort, but its just not enough for him. He fails to recognize the talent and potential i have, and only comments on my weaknesses. However, the only time the strife fades away, is when we both watch the Laker's game. I have grown up watching the Lakers game since my father took me to one when i was 5. This game is when we put our differences aside and enjoy a father and son bonding time you can call it. I might not be the 6 foot 7 guys on the television screen or be able to play basketball like Kobe Bryant, but I believe that deep inside, this man who has called me a failure, loves me no matter what i do or what i'll become. He is the man that pushes me and drives me to give me a life that he has never had. Moving from Bangladesh to America has been hard on him. He just wants to give me a life he never had.

And for prompt 2: no clue.

Hopefully you guys can help me, thanks again.
think about the word limits. this is not an essay or an autobiography. your relationship with your father should not form part of the answer. they are looking to find out where you came from and how that has helped shape a desire for you to improve the world around you. talk more about your ambitions. talk about how you came to dream of such things, don't focus on the bad things. think good and write good.
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  #13  
Old September 12, 2009, 11:34 PM
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i really liked your post, i wrote something along the same line for my college application, my dad got in a car accident 3 months after us moving to america, that made everything dark in my world, but somehow he pulled our whole family together, and managed to get through the tough times. i don't have it saved on my computer, but i'm sure its some where in my room, if you want me to share it with you let me know. good luck with the essay. where are you applying?
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  #14  
Old September 12, 2009, 11:48 PM
Afnan Rahm Afnan Rahm is offline
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Yeah, bangladesh sy... i would really appreciate if you let me read your esssay. I still need some more ideas. I'm thinking of applying to Bekreley UCLA and out of states like NYU Columbia Boston University.
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  #15  
Old September 13, 2009, 12:06 AM
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Ajfar Ajfar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afnan Rahm
Yeah, bangladesh sy... i would really appreciate if you let me read your esssay. I still need some more ideas. I'm thinking of applying to Bekreley UCLA and out of states like NYU Columbia Boston University.
are you a baseball fan? you will love Boston if you are, its freaking awesome. i currently go to uconn right now. if it wasn't for out of state tution i would transfer to some place in boston. I applied to Northeastern but they wait listed me. NYU is quite nice too, i was thinking about applying there, but not a big fan of New York City. anyway good luck with everything, i'll have to do some search around my room for that essay, hopefully i'll find it, and i'll pm it to you.
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  #16  
Old September 13, 2009, 07:38 AM
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Parents (not on drugs) can never think something bad for their children. Let alone want something bad for them. "Rabbir hamhuma kama rabba ya ni sagira".

Take the questionaire to him and ask help for directions. I am sure he will lend a hand. You will create new bondings other than Lakers. Don't go out of State please unless an all paid scholarship offer. Try Duke, Davidson, NC, UCLA. All Basketball famous.

As for tips focus on what Puck said.
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  #17  
Old September 13, 2009, 08:48 AM
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Imteaz Imteaz is offline
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Sorry, Can't help. But very best of luck.
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  #18  
Old September 13, 2009, 11:47 AM
chol_bd123 chol_bd123 is offline
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Quote:
Yeah, bangladesh sy... i would really appreciate if you let me read your esssay. I still need some more ideas. I'm thinking of applying to Bekreley UCLA and out of states like NYU Columbia Boston University.
wow. if you are thinking of applying to Columbia you must be really smart.

btw.can someone tell me when you have to hand in a recommendation letter. Are you supposed to submit it with you're application or sometime later?
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  #19  
Old September 13, 2009, 07:09 PM
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Ajfar Ajfar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chol_bd123
wow. if you are thinking of applying to Columbia you must be really smart.

btw.can someone tell me when you have to hand in a recommendation letter. Are you supposed to submit it with you're application or sometime later?
as far as i know most of the school's nowadays do the application online, and then you just mail the letter of recomendation to them.
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  #20  
Old September 14, 2009, 02:11 AM
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Electrequiem Electrequiem is offline
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Afnan,

I was in your place two years ago. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now. I can help with your essays if you need it (which I am sure you won't, with so many of our wonderful members already helping you ).

My essay was about a prophecy of sort a "pagla baba," as he was known around my community, made about me when I was 9 as I was walking into the mosque for Friday prayers. He was an eccentric dude who was DEEPLY religious, and, as his name implies, a bit imbalanced. But I spun my essay from that very scene when he made that prophecy, and how it resonated throughout my life. In the end though, whatever you write about, make sure you make it P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L! Try and avoid being cliched and don't stretch generic ideas. Also, brevity is MUCH appreciated by admission board members.
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  #21  
Old September 14, 2009, 09:56 AM
Afnan Rahm Afnan Rahm is offline
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Default .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrequiem
Afnan,

I was in your place two years ago. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now. I can help with your essays if you need it (which I am sure you won't, with so many of our wonderful members already helping you ).

My essay was about a prophecy of sort a "pagla baba," as he was known around my community, made about me when I was 9 as I was walking into the mosque for Friday prayers. He was an eccentric dude who was DEEPLY religious, and, as his name implies, a bit imbalanced. But I spun my essay from that very scene when he made that prophecy, and how it resonated throughout my life. In the end though, whatever you write about, make sure you make it P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L! Try and avoid being cliched and don't stretch generic ideas. Also, brevity is MUCH appreciated by admission board members.
Thank you for your help. What im trying to do is make sure it doesn't sound cliche... that's the hard part. i bet every asian kid is like, MY DAD pressures me ablahblahblahba. I don't know how to make me it my own?
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  #22  
Old September 14, 2009, 10:16 AM
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Ajfar Ajfar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afnan Rahm
Thank you for your help. What im trying to do is make sure it doesn't sound cliche... that's the hard part. i bet every asian kid is like, MY DAD pressures me ablahblahblahba. I don't know how to make me it my own?
thats not necessarily true, everyone has their own story to tell, so don't worry about that. oh by the way about that essay sorry no luck, couldn't find it anywhere.
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  #23  
Old September 14, 2009, 07:19 AM
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Not really sure how we can help with number 2. I doubt any of us know you personally to tell you about some quality.
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  #24  
Old September 14, 2009, 05:46 PM
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Not to hijack the thread, but here is an actual essay submitted to college staff:

Quote:
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.
Source: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/essay.htm
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  #25  
Old September 14, 2009, 06:15 PM
Afnan Rahm Afnan Rahm is offline
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Default ,

[QUOTE=ZeeshanM;982381]Not to hijack the thread, but here is an actual essay submitted to college staff:

I beleive i have a better essay than this dude.
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