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Forget Cricket Talk about anything [within Board Rules, of course :) ]

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  #1  
Old August 8, 2009, 09:34 AM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Default Dear BanglaCricket

Hi guys, this is a Dear Mita/Dear Sam/Dear X type of thread. Basically you write a problem you are having in life and wait for ONE answer only to that problem (Answer from mostly me).

Dear BanglaCricket is different because the answers will NOT BE TYPICAL.

For example:

Quote:
Dear BanglaCricket
I am a 19 years old boy and I am claustrophobic. Usually it is not a problem for me because I can avoid closed space... But after hitting puberty, I am having difficulty forming bonds with opposite sex. They all wanna go to "chipar goli". What should I do?

Sincerely,
puberty

Dear puberty
Two words: "STOP IT". Just stop being afraid of closed space. If you don't stop it, I am personally gonna come and bury you in a box.

SIncerely,
Banglacricket.


Last edited by reverse_swing; August 8, 2009 at 10:16 PM..
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  #2  
Old August 8, 2009, 10:10 AM
Blah Blah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orpheus
...

???

Last edited by reverse_swing; August 8, 2009 at 10:16 PM.. Reason: mod.quote
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  #3  
Old August 8, 2009, 10:26 AM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blah
???
what is your question Blah?

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=defin...fp=nwadAyYniOM

Many people are u2u ing me their problem to mask their identity. Due to the sheer volume, I am taking my time. I shall answer you slowly... but rest assured your problems will be solved....
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  #4  
Old August 8, 2009, 10:35 AM
Blah Blah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orpheus
what is your question Blah?

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=defin...fp=nwadAyYniOM

Many people are u2u ing me their problem to mask their identity. Due to the sheer volume, I am taking my time. I shall answer you slowly... but rest assured your problems will be solved....
Oh, I have no questions. I was just trying to confirm that you are ignorant.
Thanks for confirming it.
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  #5  
Old August 8, 2009, 10:49 AM
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Rabz Rabz is offline
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Hey, I'm claustophobic.
Stop making fun of us.

I have a dreadful experience of being stuck in a lift once, for almost half an hour.
Dont ask me to elaborate.
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Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest [Al-Qur'an,13:28]
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  #6  
Old August 9, 2009, 12:00 PM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Dear members, I am glad to announce that "Dear Banglacricket" is back due to massive interest shown by you all. It was temporarily shut down.

But now everything is behind us and some things are also in front of us... but that's ok - it's time for you to squeeze the juice out of this service while it lasts.

Real u2u # 1:

Quote:
Dear Banglacricket,
I was born and raised in Chittagong. Therefore, I have a strong chottogram accent. When I try to speak proper bangla, it sounds like chatgaiya; when I speak English, it sounds like chatgaiya also. My dream is to work as a customer service representative at Grameen phone. My accent is hindering my dream. Please help!

Sincerely,
Chatgaiya clerk

Dear Chatgaiya Clerk
Believe me when I say accent is not your biggest problem as a chatgaiya. In fact, you can use that accent to woo your counsin on your cholesterol filled fat belly. I know sitting on your gluteus maximus is a dream job for any chatgaiya but I suggest you get a job where you have to do a lot of running around - like stealing your neighbor's chicken. And please don't feel bad, sylhetis got it worse.

sincerely
Banglacricket
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  #7  
Old August 9, 2009, 01:41 PM
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layperson layperson is offline
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Dear Banglacricket,

I want to friendship with Orpheus outside this virtual world because I love his wit and humour. However the little twit keeps giving me the cold shoulder. How can I make friendship with this jester in the real world?

Thanks you

Layperson
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  #8  
Old August 9, 2009, 01:50 PM
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AsifTheManRahman AsifTheManRahman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layperson
Dear Banglacricket,

I want to friendship with Orpheus outside this virtual world because I love his wit and humour. However the little twit keeps giving me the cold shoulder. How can I make friendship with this jester in the real world?

Thanks you

Layperson
Ask him to join the following facebook group and pick him up from there:
http://www.facebook.com/s.php?q=frie...093&ref=search

The description is a bit discriminatory, which is unfortunate, but the theme is quite funny. Check out the group pictures at the bottom of the page.
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  #9  
Old August 9, 2009, 02:00 PM
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layperson layperson is offline
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hahahaha LMAO. Asif eita priceless. You lot from waterloo are very creative.
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  #10  
Old August 9, 2009, 02:50 PM
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AsifTheManRahman AsifTheManRahman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layperson
hahahaha LMAO. Asif eita priceless. You lot from waterloo are very creative.
As an example of the kinds of things that come out of Waterloo, Ontario Canada, check out the following facebook group:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/gr...9996212&ref=ts

Before doing anything else, scroll down and check out the youtube video (there's a link in the contact info section). Check the number of views it has had on youtube too.

Then come back to the FB group and read the introduction ("A piece of Art" downwards), by, well, yours truly.
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  #11  
Old August 9, 2009, 02:55 PM
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Akib Akib is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AsifTheManRahman
As an example of the kinds of things that come out of Waterloo, Ontario Canada, check out the following facebook group:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/gr...9996212&ref=ts

Before doing anything else, scroll down and check out the youtube video (there's a link in the contact info section). Check the number of views it has had on youtube too.

Then come back to the FB group and read the introduction ("A piece of Art" downwards), by, well, yours truly.

LOL.... I thought the video was going to be him attempting to pick up the girls (all 4 of them) at Loo. The long description is hilarious though :P
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  #12  
Old August 9, 2009, 03:53 PM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Dear Banglacricket,

I am 26 year old and never had a girlfriend well at least not in technical terms and still waiting to get laid. I tried everything from ordering a chick to get in the car at gun point to threats of jumping off CN tower if she doesn't go to comicon with me; from stalking various females in facebook to hiring investigator who shadows potential victims to their homes; from streaking nude to going to TJ.... but nothing seems to work!!

What do you think I should do? Btw I live in my momma's basement with no job collecting big Harry Potter and Stars Wars memorabilia during free time. Help!!

Love,

Lance Nayek Munshi-Z

Last edited by Zeeshan; August 9, 2009 at 06:05 PM..
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  #13  
Old August 9, 2009, 06:02 PM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeeshanM
Dear Banglacricket,

I am 26 year old and never had a girlfriend well at least not in technical terms and still waiting to get laid. I tried everything from ordering a chick to get in the car at gun point to threats of jumping off CN tower if she doesn't go to comicon with me; from stalking various females in facebook to hiring investigator who shadows potential victims to their homes; from streaking nude to going to TJ.... but nothing seems to work!!

What do you think I should do? Btw I live in my momma's basement with no job collecting big Harry Potter and Stars Wars memorabilia during free time. Help!!

Love,

Lance Nayezk Munshi-Z
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Loner Lance:

I am afraid nothing is going for you. You are a virgin and an emotional wreck, traits which would make a girl look very desirable to a man. But unfortunately you identify yourself as a man. And to make it worse, you are most likely very unattractive too.

Furthermore, you are poor since you live with your mom and have little or no potential to acquire any money in near future. It is thus understandable why "ordering a chick" didn't work out for you. You need a solution that will not only solve your loneliness but will solve a life problem - you.

I highly recommend you expend your energy after rich man. It will solve both your loneliness and other problems in your life which mostly involve money.

Sincerely,
BanglaCricket
Dear users, I am still sorting out the overwhelming responses via u2u. Please have patience.
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  #14  
Old August 9, 2009, 06:06 PM
Zunaid Zunaid is offline
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Orphy - you have competition:

BC Divination corner

I think, we of BC, will have to charge peddling fees.
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  #15  
Old August 9, 2009, 06:14 PM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zunaid
Orphy - you have competition:

BC Divination corner

I think, we of BC, will have to charge peddling fees.
There is something I take very seriously in life and that is monopoly in business. Munshi you've earned my wrath.. I hereby declare THIS AS A WAR!!! (two flags represent me)

Munshi ur tupi is mine....
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  #16  
Old August 9, 2009, 06:37 PM
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Rubu Rubu is offline
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looks like someone stole orphy's diary. he is missing it but can't write dear diary, so he wrote dear banglacricket.

time to come out of closet orphy?
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  #17  
Old August 9, 2009, 06:39 PM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zunaid
Orphy - you have competition:

BC Divination corner

I think, we of BC, will have to charge peddling fees.
Everything is deception. Superficially may be yes, but in truth it was to rival Shardul's thread to drive home the point that just because Ramadan is coming doesn't mean we all have to be all religious about it. merked.
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  #18  
Old August 10, 2009, 12:33 AM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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real u2u #2

Quote:
Dear Banglacricket;

Every time I open a thread, it is rated red. how can I make my post all green.

sincerely,
down guy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear down:
There is no need to use a pseudonym; we all know who you are. There are two types of people here that rates a thread with those heart tearing red arrows:

1) People that don't like you
2) People that are annoyed by your posts

Now, I hope you can see that number 2 gives rise to number 1. So my advise for you is to stop being such an annoying pest.

sincerely
Banglacricket.
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  #19  
Old August 10, 2009, 02:16 AM
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Nocturnal Nocturnal is offline
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real u2u #420

Quote:
Dear Banglacricket, need help! Everytime Mohd.Ashraful score a 50 i had great headache. It has a long history. Will not discuss here. But now you can imagine what happened after todays century - my head allmost explode! Last 4 matches - Three 50+ score ...can't take it! It was good before - only twice a year!! please advice!!

Yours -
"Sinus"
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  #20  
Old August 10, 2009, 02:18 AM
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Imteaz Imteaz is offline
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Funny Thread
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  #21  
Old August 10, 2009, 10:25 AM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nocturnal
real u2u #420
Quote:
Dear Banglacricket,

need help! Everytime Mohd.Ashraful score a 50 i had great headache. It has a long history. Will not discuss here. But now you can imagine what happened after todays century - my head allmost explode! Last 4 matches - Three 50+ score ...can't take it! It was good before - only twice a year!! please advice!!

Yours -
"Sinus"

Dear Sinus,
It is a great concern for us how you are not the only one with this problem on this board. I received numerous complaint of this headache after Ashraful's 50+ scores.

From my experience, I feel the headache is caused by severe trauma to the head. Basically you are banging your head in the wall every time Ashraful is proving you wrong.

Verdict: you can do two things -
1) Switch your allegiance for Ashraful and celebrate numerous Eids
or 2) Chop your head off; so you no longer can speak against him even if you want to.

Sincerely,
Banglacricket
Patience is the virtue.... Nocturnal stop reading my u2u. Read your own!!
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  #22  
Old August 10, 2009, 10:36 AM
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Zeeshan Zeeshan is offline
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Dear Banglacricket,

I have lalla issues. No not crush on that bowler but I am talking about actual 'lols.' Everytime I sleep my mouth becomes watery: I drool a lot.

Help!! What should I do? Is there any device that will prevent it? Please save me from me bed and pillow becoming wet all the time.

Luv,

Lance Nayek Munshi Z
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  #23  
Old August 10, 2009, 11:20 AM
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Orpheus Orpheus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeeshanM
Dear Banglacricket,

I have lalla issues. No not crush on that bowler but I am talking about actual 'lols.' Everytime I sleep my mouth becomes watery: I drool a lot.

Help!! What should I do? Is there any device that will prevent it? Please save me from me bed and pillow becoming wet all the time.

Luv,
Lance Nayek Munshi Z

----------------------------------------------------------
Dear loser lance,
The reason you drool a lot in your sleep is because you dream of too many beautiful young girls. The uninhibited excitation is the reason your bed gets wet (not from the drooling - this is a common mistake).

Verdict: enjoy your dreams while it lasts. wash your bed sheet everyday and finally don't ask anymore questions.

Sincerely,
Banglacricket
u2u messages are piling up high. I am currently hiring an assistant.
Qualifications for the job: Beautiful or an ugly girl but above 18. Please send your pictures.
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  #24  
Old August 10, 2009, 11:34 AM
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tonoy tonoy is offline
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Erm, a member told me to post this on the forum for anonymity...

Quote:
Dear Banglacricket,

School is coming up. However, I am quite addicted to this site and I feel that it is the source for distraction towards my academics. Please don't suggest me to multi-task. For you see, I am not as gifted as many members here. I don't get a magical A+ just by pulling an allnighter before a test. I have to concentrate on one task fully or else I fail miserably at it. Please help. How do I discourage myself from coming to this site?

Sincerely,
Addicted as a crackhead
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  #25  
Old August 10, 2009, 12:01 PM
BD-Shardul BD-Shardul is offline
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বিনামূল্য বিবেচনা করলে অর্ফির "ডিয়ার বাংলা ক্রিকেট"কাউন্সেলিং সার্ভিসটা খারাপ মনে হয় না...

Last edited by BD-Shardul; August 10, 2009 at 12:28 PM..
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