Joke of the day.... - Page 2

Carte Blanche · #26 February 3, 2004, 02:46 PM

An old lady walked into a store got some cat food and at the register ready to pay the clerk said; "before you pay, we need proof you own a cat cause some people buy it and eat it themselves", so she goes home gets her cat buys the cat food and goes home. The next day the same old lady walks in and grabs dog food goes to the register and the cashier tells her again "we need proof you own a dog cause some people buy the food and eat it themselves�, so she went home got her dog bought the food and went home. The next day she walks in with a little box and goes to the cashier and asks her to put her finger in the box, the cashier responds "no way " the old lady assures her there is nothing in the box that would harm her so she stuck her finger in and felt something mushy with a foul smell and asks �what is thissssss, $hit or something???" and the old lady replies "yes� so can I buy some toilet paper now"?

[Edited on 3-2-2004 by Carte Blanche]

fais · #27 February 3, 2004, 05:15 PM

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

**Nasif** · #28 February 3, 2004, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Carte Blanche
An old lady walked into a store got some .....

That was good one hahaha

Hasib · #29 February 14, 2004, 12:59 AM

I found this on the net...

http://www.eidmubarak.com/new/cardfm...arak&cat=latif

Sami · #30 February 14, 2004, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hasib
I found this on the net...

http://www.eidmubarak.com/new/cardfm...arak&cat=latif

I dunno... why do I get a sting of insult from the joke as a muslim... or maybe its just me...

Sami · #31 February 14, 2004, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Carte Blanche
An old lady walked into a store got some
[Edited on 3-2-2004 by Carte Blanche]

Gross... yet funny...

Hasib · #32 February 18, 2004, 03:43 AM

Isn't it really making fun of Bush... show what an idiot he is...

Carte Blanche · #33 February 18, 2004, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hasib
I found this on the net...

http://www.eidmubarak.com/new/cardfm...arak&cat=latif

This is not even remotely funny. Insulting, perhaps.

Navarene · #34 February 18, 2004, 10:36 AM

Heaven playing cricket

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about Cricket. Satan proposed a match to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players like Sir Bradman & co and the best coaches as well."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

An extremely loyal fan

There was an english fan with a really crappy seat at Lord's. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.

When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big England cricket fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

Rubu · #35 February 24, 2004, 11:06 PM

Joke of the year........
Haven't laughted out so loud reading a joke in years.

fab · #36 February 24, 2004, 11:24 PM

AgentSmith,
Personally I think i'd go with the the simplicity of black and white

Bhaboghuray · #37 February 26, 2004, 07:48 PM

Nowadays whatever happens in usa, bush finds the shadow of laden in it. this one is about that. consider a situation, bush is in his office, one after another secratary coming in and giving him news:
sec1: mr. bush, there is a plane crush in taxes.
Bush: bin laden has to pay for this.
sec2: mr. president, our share market is going down.
bush: this must be a conspiracy of bin laden.
sec3: mr. president, your wife just gave barth to a baby.
bush: bin laden must be responsible for this.

Rubu · #38 March 2, 2004, 08:30 PM

Do not think that this joke is about any bangladeshi president or prime minister. its about a hypothetical country's hypothetical president/prime minister.

once a kid went inside bangho bhabon and wrote on the walls in big letters: Our President/Prime ministers head is full of cowdung.
This child was caught and was accused of two different charges. He got a sentence of 12 and a half years. the first convinction was about entering restricted area, for which he had a sentence of 6 months.
the second charge, for which he was sentenced for 12 years was, revealing national secret.

crickipagol · #39 March 2, 2004, 11:52 PM

This post was edited for obscenity.

[Edited on 3-3-2004 by chinaman : Moderation.]

Hasib · #40 March 6, 2004, 04:46 AM

knock knock

James90 · #41 March 6, 2004, 05:15 AM

Give up Hasib

Hasib · #42 March 6, 2004, 08:27 AM

give wat up?

Shafi · #43 March 6, 2004, 10:54 AM

Two rednecks met in a bar and agreed that they weren't going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college in order to get ahead. So they hop in a pickup truck and drive to the nearest college. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes into one of the rooms and finds a professor, who advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked the first redneck.

The professor replied, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do," grinned the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "Amazin'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae... this is incredible!" (The redneck is catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class."

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asked.

"Math, history and logic," replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his new friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?"

"No," his friend replied.

"You're gay, aren't ya?"

Shafi · #44 March 6, 2004, 10:58 AM

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger approaches him and asks him what's the matter.
The old man says, "I'm a multimillionaire, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world, and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or not." (sob, sob)

The young jogger says, "Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for! What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?"

The old man says, "I can't remember where I live!"

Hasib · #45 March 7, 2004, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shafi
Two rednecks met in a bar and agreed that they weren't going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college in order to get ahead. So they hop in a pickup truck and drive to the nearest college. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes into one of the rooms and finds a professor, who advises him to take math, history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked the first redneck.

The professor replied, "Let me give you an example: Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do," grinned the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "Amazin'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae... this is incredible!" (The redneck is catching on.)

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," says the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class."

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" the friend asked.

"Math, history and logic," replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his new friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?"

"No," his friend replied.

"You're gay, aren't ya?"

errr... wats a redneck?

Carte Blanche · #46 March 7, 2004, 04:29 AM

LOL... That's American for Hasib. (J/K)

Kalbaisakhi · #47 March 7, 2004, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hasib
An American came to watch a game of cricket. He watched the first over where the batsmen scored two runs. At the end of the over the Umpire called "Over" At this the American got up and said "Nice game, but it's a bit short".

I got this but it is really very funny.

:P:P:P:P:P:P

Shafi · #48 March 7, 2004, 04:52 PM

Bob and Bill are driving down the road, going about 85 mph. Up comes a red light and Bob goes right through it.
Bill turns to Bob and says, "What the hell are you doing?"

Bob says, "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time." So on they go -- and bam! -- 85 mph through another red light!

Again Bob says, "Don't worry, my brother does it all the time!" Then they're driving along and approaching another red light. As soon as it turns green, Bob slams on the brakes and skids to a stop.

Bill looks over and yells, "What the hell is wrong with you, you jerk? The damn light is green. Why did you stop?"

Bob says, "My brother may have been coming the other way!"

WHY DON't U GUYS FIND MY JOKES FUNNY???

Shafi · #49 March 7, 2004, 05:03 PM

A Texan went to Chicago, where he thought he would find a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Field's and, when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes, ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas, and I want to buy a complete city outfit."
Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"

"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Size 53 tall, ma'am."

"Wow, that's really big."

"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?" she asked.

He replied, "How about some shoes?"

"What size?"

"Size 15 double D."

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?"

"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Nineteen and a half neck, size 38," he replied.

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"Will there be anything else?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat."

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Eight and five-eighths."

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

The woman virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, ma'am, I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet saleswoman tallied up his bill and the Texan counted his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"

"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."

Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"

Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "From the floor, ma'am?"

Unknown · #50 March 8, 2004, 12:45 PM

Heres a blonde joke for you guys:

A blondes TV stopped functioning beyond repair. She decides to buy a new one. Going to an electronics store she asks a salesperson if she could by the tv on display.

Salesperson replies by saying:

"Sorry we dont sell to blondes"

This makes the blonde return home and dye her hair brown. Shes now a brunette. She goes again to the store and asks.

"Can I buy that tv", pointing to the one on display again.

The salesperson replies again.
"Sorry we dont sell to blondes"

She goes home and shaves her hair off and the next day she goes to the store thinking no one will recognise her.

She asks a different sales person:

"Can I buy that tv?"

Salesperson replies, "Sorry we dont sell to blondes".

This makes her angry. She decides to change her appearance with plastic surgery and does so.

She again goes to the store and asks, "Can I buy that tv?"

Salespersoon replies, "Sorry we dont sell to blondes".

This made her really very angry. So she asks the salesperson how he knew that she was blonde after going through all that trouble to fool him.

The salesperson replies:

"THATS BECAUSE ITS A MICROWAVE NOT A TV!"

[Edited on 8-3-2004 by Unknown]