Joke of the day.... - Page 4

*AsifTheManRahman* · #76 June 7, 2004, 10:49 AM

nice one mzia

oracle · #77 June 8, 2004, 02:34 AM

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters. Some of these are excellent, Don't
miss the last one.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
---------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
---------------------------------------------

Q How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?
---------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
---------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
--------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere...

mzia · #78 June 8, 2004, 06:00 AM

ooppsss...

abhs · #79 June 8, 2004, 06:52 AM

---------
A youngman was telling his friends, "My wife doesn't take her food without
me."
"Is it? Then you're very lucky. Does she remain without food even if you
reach home as late as midnight.?"
"Of course, it's I who has to cook."
---------
Boy: "Do you think now is a proper time to speak to your father, and ask
him for your hand in marriage?"
Girl: "Yes, he's got his shoes off."
---------
Doctor : "You have just half an hour to live. Do you want to see anyone?"
Patient : "Yes, another doctor"
---------
Teacher: " Narender, name two pronouns."
Student: "Who? Me?"
---------

Ruby : "John, have any of your childhood dreams been realized?"
John : "Yes, when my teacher used to pull my hair on late coming, I was
wished that I hadn't any."
---------

Quizmaster : "What is the chief cause of divorce?"
Participant : "Marriages"

---------
Wife: "Don't you think, dear, that a man grows wiser after marriage?"
Husband: "Yes, but it's too late then."
---------

"Excuse me lady. Did you see a policeman anywhere about here just now?"
"No, not at all. I haven't seen a sign of one."
"Okay, then hurry up and give me your purse and necklace."
---------

Teacher : "Om. Yesterday you left the school just after recess saying that
you had to attend your grandpa's funeral."
Om : "Yes, sir."
Teacher : "But your grandpa came in the afternoon enquiring about you."
Om : "That's right sir, but I am a staunch believer in reincarnation."
---------

A little girl went to the school for the first time. Her lady teacher
explained that if she wanted to go to the toilet she should raise her index
finger.
The little girl looked puzzled and asked, "How that's going to stop it?"
---------

Daughter: Mom, "I can't marry Pears, he doesn't believe in fate and hell."
Mother: "Please don't worry about that. You just get married to him, and he
will soon begin believing."
---------

On being asked from a nurse trainee "Why mother's milk is superior to any
other milk? She replied-
"Because it neither needs to be boiled nor can it be stolen, nor touched by
a cat."
---------
Boy: "Give me your telephone number, I'll call you up some times."
Girl: "It's there in the directory."
Boy: "Fine! And what's your name and address?"
Girl: "That's in the book, too!"

Cricket46 · #80 June 8, 2004, 03:05 PM

Oracle and abhs, I have not laughed so much in the recent past as I did today while reading some of these jokes.

Orpheus · #81 June 11, 2004, 02:33 PM

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he''s on ecstasy!"

**Nasif** · #82 June 11, 2004, 02:40 PM

Hahaha

. Good one orphy

TigerFan · #83 June 14, 2004, 09:35 PM

Here's a joke and enjoy:

Once St peter was reviewing few ppls application to enter the Heaven.

Then he called a man, & had a few conversation with him.

St Peter: What did U do, that I would consider u as a good man to enter heaven?
Man: Well, Once I found a woman in trouble, I helped her to get rid of that.
St Peter: How did u help her?
man: three man was disturbing a woman. So I stopped there & got the colar of the biggest & meanest gangman, gave him a heavy punch on hin nose, slapped him 4 times & told others "If U want to not get harmed, leave that girl"
St Peter: Good job son. When did all this happen?
man: only 5 mins ago.

TigerFan · #84 June 14, 2004, 09:39 PM

[CENSORED]

[Edited on 16-6-2004 by Rajputro : Moderated]

Tokai · #85 June 15, 2004, 03:41 PM

[CENSORED]

[Edited on 16-6-2004 by Rajputro : Moderated]

**Mahmood** · #86 June 15, 2004, 07:13 PM

Let us please keep focus on the "Rated G" goal of this site.

chinaman · #87 June 15, 2004, 07:34 PM

Please maintain a G rated environment at all times according to our posting guidlines.

We appreciate your help in this regard. Thank you.

mzia · #88 June 16, 2004, 05:50 AM

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two
weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a
letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter
addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to
President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused
that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy
a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear
to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat:
down to write a thank you note to the Lord, which read

Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you
had to send it through Washington D.C. and,
as usual, those jerks deducted $95....

TigerFan · #89 June 16, 2004, 12:42 PM

mzia thats funny!!

abhs · #90 June 25, 2004, 05:39 AM

It was Bangladesh 2nd test in Sabina Park, Kingston, Jamaica. A Telephone Call comes to dressing room for Hannan Sarker.
Someone answers and says
"He has just gone out to bat to start Bangladesh's 1st innings"
"That's OK" says the caller, "I will hold on"!!!

abhs · #91 June 25, 2004, 05:42 AM

The teacher had asked the class to write an essay on cricket. With only a few minutes left, one boy had written nothing. Suddenly, he looked up at the clock, grabbed his pen and scribbled something on the paper. The teacher read out his essay: "No play today. Rain."

Rain barrel and a...

What is the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
One catches drops; the other drops catches.

[Edited on 25-6-2004 by abhs]

TigerFan · #92 July 4, 2004, 03:10 PM

Here's a joke

:
Once three army men from Pakistan, India & Bangladesh went to a western army training camp in U.s.a. One day after tea-break they went to the urinal.

First the pakistani went & did his work, after that he washed his hand & wiped that with a tissue paper. Other soldiers of different country asked "why did U do that?" He said "in Pma we are taught hygiene strictly."

Next went the Indian Soldier. He did His work & then just wiped his hand with a tissue paper. Others asked "Why didn't U take water to wash ur hand?" The man said "In Indian army we are strictly ordered to not waste any natural resources."

Last came the Bangladeshi soldier. He went in, did his work & just came out without washing hands or using any tissue paper. Others asked "Why didn't U washed or wiped ur hand?" He said "in Bangladesh army we are taught & strictly ordered to not piss on our hands"

TigerFan · #93 July 5, 2004, 04:29 PM

Once three proffessors of Mathemtics, Chemistry & Physics were taking a tour by a ship. Suddenly a cyclone hit the ship & all the people died except the three proffessors. They discovered themselves on a man-less island. But they were lucky, they got a few huge cans of food with them in the island. But the problem was it was quite heavy to break. All of them started to find a way to open up the cans.

The proffessor of physics started to calculate the weakest point of the can o that he can easily hit-open the can.

The proffessor of chemistry started to find the best chemicals so that he can blow the lid of the can but food inside that doesn't get any harm.

The proffessor of mathematics just bring them from their studies & told them "Hey guys U don't need to work to open the cans. I know a better way to open that." Two proffessors asked gladly "How would you open that?" "Easy man! We can assume that we've an axe."

mzia · #94 July 6, 2004, 07:13 AM

At the prestigious estate auction, bidding was intense and cutthroat. The room was filled with scowling men and women, each determined to exploit any advantage at the expense of another.

Without warning the auctioneer paused the sale and announced,

"A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $3,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the crowd came the cry,

"Three thousand five hundred!"

Rubu · #95 July 8, 2004, 08:42 PM

tiger fans teacher's joke remainds me of this one:

once in a highscool there were several science teacher who were really proud of themselves. the science teachers were physics, chemistry and math teachers. the head master asked the team to measure the height of the flag pole so that he can buy rope of right length to rise the flag. the group of three tryed several ways, such as:
*throughing the measuring tape toward the top of the pole.
*one standing on other's solder tying to reach the top and so on.

being unable to get the height they decide to cut the pole so they can measure seperately and add it up to get the length. then the bengali teacher came and ask whats the problem. they said, its nothing of his business and out of his ability since he'll a mere bengali teacher. upon insisting, they explained the problem to him. so the bengali teacher took to pole off laid it on the field and took the measurement. looking at this all 3 of them burst into laughter and said
"u idoit, we need to measure the height, not the width"

mzia · #96 July 9, 2004, 12:39 AM

Width....amusing.....

Thanks Smith.

mati_o_manush · #97 July 9, 2004, 02:39 AM

nice post....thanks to all...

Navarene · #98 July 9, 2004, 02:51 AM

Not sure if this funny rhyme fits in this joke thread but I found it JOSSSSS!

Teishta bochor dhore
Pant-e shirt guje pore
Ar parchi na guru
Shei nursery theke shuru

Para-er joto chhele gulo
Shobar ghore bou alo
Ma bole mon diye poro
Ar parchi na Guru
Shei nursery theke shuru

Obosheshey maa-er doya holo
Ghor-e fut-fute bou alo
Ful shojjar raate
Ak gochcha mala hate
Bou ke Shudhai
"Amar jiboney tumi-i prothom
tomar jiboneyo ki ami tai ? "

Bou heshe bole
"Ar parchi na Guru
Shei nursery theke shuru"

**Nasif** · #99 July 9, 2004, 10:36 AM

hahaha

that was funny....

Rubu · #**100** July 9, 2004, 05:09 PM

i just read it in prothom-alo's supliment magagine "al-pin". i had a "crow scarying" laugh reading it. so, here is my effort to transilate it:

a girl went to varsity and fall in love with a boy. she told her parents that she want to marry this boy. so, the parents decided to find out how the boy is. they were surprised to find two completely different sets of comments about this boy. one, he is a real good boy, a jewel. the other, a killer who always carry guns. so, they decide to meet him and invited him to diner at their house. the boy arried, parked his car at the drive way and rang the bell. the younger sister of the to be bride opened the door. she invited him in and told him that her parents are not at home. after a while this sister of the to be bride told the boy that she saw his picture and fall in love, so she wants to marry him. not only that, she told that they are only two sisters without any brohters. so, all of their parents' property will be devided into two. she proposed him to kill her sister so that they can get all the properties. the boys did not agreed. but the girl kept convincing him. told him that her sister is asleep upstair and its really easy for him. all he needs to do is go and shoot her. so, they will be enjoying all the properties by themselves. he did not say a word and started to walk toward his car. when he was about to open the car the parents came out and told him that this was a test for him to find out if he actually was a killer. now, they have no doubt that he is a goody boy...

moral: keep your guns in the car, not with u.