How to prevent SA from eating UAE alive?

[Jadukor]

After witnessing the pounding generously given by SA to the titans of the associate world Ireland, any passionate cricket fan must genuinely fear for UAE with respect to their upcoming match against Amla and co on 12th of march.

I believe as cricket lovers it is our duty to give good suggestions within our capacity to our associate friends on how to survive the inevitable Hamla from Amla. So as a part of BC crisis consultancy group I have the following suggestion for UAE to avoid the potential train-wreck of a match with lungi/kandoora intact:

i) My first advice is that the whole team should go on a surprise excursion leaving the hotel after 10 pm to a casino with necessary direction and gaming advice from our manager/maestro Mr. Shujon. This would result in a night full of entertainment followed by disciplinary action and a swift return flight the next day to Dubai for the entire team and hence create a very legitimate excuse to not play

ii) Slip in a single sided coin to the umpire and correctly call the toss in order to bat first. Once this is achieved it is imperative for UAE to score 120 and nothing more. Scoring 120 would mean that AB would not get to bat and therefore humiliation could be largely avoided.

iii) Learn the native american art of rain dance to its fullest extent and perform with the entire squad the complete ritual just 24 hours before the match. Hopefully weather gods will not disappoint and help UAE just like the gods helped Australia escaped the wrath of BD tigers.

iv) Request the UAE royal family to buy up broadcasting rights to this particular game from ICC. As idumb always says and practices: No picture evidence means it didn't happen.

v) If all the above carefully orchestrated strategies fail then simply motivate the players to be a part of history and enjoy the game. Tell them that anyone can be a part of a 400 runs game but being a part of 550 runs in an innings game will be the stuff for all time record books.

So with this i say come on UAE!! don't lose hope!!

ps Any further suggestions are welcome here