2nd BD trip and Bride-hunting experiences

[Zunaid]

^ Do you have a problem with miscegeny or you ok with desicegeny?

[Rifat]

Originally Posted by al Furqaan
I dunno about Bangladesh, I don't even know too much about places like UK or NYC...but the Bengali girls in my community...80% majority are marrying "shada" who they meet and date while in undergrad, grad school, etc. Of course there is a public conversion to Islam and whether or not they really are Muslims is actually none of our business nor our concern.

I would NOT hesitate to predict that more than half of the Bengali Muslims in the US will end up marrying "shada". To each his/her own. Interestingly I'm not sure how many Bengali-other desi marriages there are. I know of 2 friends who both married Pakistanis, I'm scheduled to attend another Bengali-Pakistani wedding in 2 weeks, and my cousin married a Malayali south Indian, but apart from that I don't know too many.

There are many beautiful Bangladeshi women...both internally and externally Alhamdulillah!

[deshprem]

Originally Posted by al Furqaan
I dunno about Bangladesh, I don't even know too much about places like UK or NYC...but the Bengali girls in my community...80% majority are marrying "shada" who they meet and date while in undergrad, grad school, etc. Of course there is a public conversion to Islam and whether or not they really are Muslims is actually none of our business nor our concern.

I would NOT hesitate to predict that more than half of the Bengali Muslims in the US will end up marrying "shada". To each his/her own. Interestingly I'm not sure how many Bengali-other desi marriages there are. I know of 2 friends who both married Pakistanis, I'm scheduled to attend another Bengali-Pakistani wedding in 2 weeks, and my cousin married a Malayali south Indian, but apart from that I don't know too many.

that's pretty interesting. where's your community?

So what does that say about the bengali guys? that they lack the qualities that shada guys have? pretty disappointing if they have to fish in other territories to get what they want.

I can understand it though, here in sydney, I meet such talented, intelligent, humble, and classy girls, none of which are bengali girls. they're all ignorant, westernized too much, and think each of them are princesses and that guys should line up for them. it's funny because if you ask the same people what they have to offer in return, there's no answer.

even in sydney, bengali girls n guys are marrying into other races, even at age <21. Don't they have anything better to do?

I can see some sense in what Crisis is saying lol. The guy's just frustrated at their demands when there's some doubt to what they can offer in return. fair enough i'd say.

[Zunaid]

Cool - from chauvinism, to misogyny, to jingoism, to outright racism.

Shabash Bangali.

[Banglatiger84]

Originally Posted by al Furqaan
I dunno about Bangladesh, I don't even know too much about places like UK or NYC...but the Bengali girls in my community...80% majority are marrying "shada" who they meet and date while in undergrad, grad school, etc. Of course there is a public conversion to Islam and whether or not they really are Muslims is actually none of our business nor our concern.

An interesting observation Asad Bhai; would you say the "community", covers all sorts of US-based Bangladeshis, as in, do girls from Masjid-going/halaqa attending families marry outside as well, or is it generally the more liberal ones who do so?

Of course race shouldnt be a factor, but religion is. And whether someone really converts or not isnt a big deal unless of course 25 years later if your kids marry into their family or vice versa

[Dilscoop]

Originally Posted by Zunaid
Cool - from chauvinism, to misogyny, to jingoism, to outright racism.

Shabash Bangali.

lol.

What's wrong with interracial marriage? The world is turning brown. Wake up. Jee!

[Dilscoop]

This thread really shows where BC is at when it comes to social issues. You'd think people here would be little less ignorant.

[Zunaid]

Originally Posted by Dilscoop
This thread really shows where BC is at when it comes to social issues. You'd think people here would be little less arrogant.

You mean ignorant not arrogant. The views, unfortunately, are not limited to BC. This is a microcosm of Bangladeshi social mores - expat or local.

[Isnaad]

Something tells me Crisis bhai is going to rue the fact that he opened this thread in a year or so (If he already isn't)

[WorldCup11]

Originally Posted by Crisis
After looking at 7 girls over 10 days, only 1 seems the best and Inshallah engagement and wedding will be in Feb/March

On Topic - You must have subscribed to some professional ghotok. otherwise it's not just timely possible to organize meeting with 7 girls (and their families) in just 10 days.

Also your frustrations about girls over expectations suggest "professional ghotokali activity" as they(ghotoks) try to convince both sides telling "some" lies.

We need to give more time to find a suitable life partner , it's not just hunting (killing) or haunting (black magic).

Finally, Congratulations , I wish you a very good and happy married life.

[Dilscoop]

@Z| pretty sure I edited my typo before you could quote me >.< and true.

[Rabz]

Congratulation Crisis bhai for your upcoming proposed marriage.

So, if I dont get this wrong, you are marrying a 17 year old high school (BD standard college) going average looking (!!) never been touched v*rg*n who certainly not a doctor nor come from any well educated family and whose only ambition in life is to cook food, clean your house and her legs should be wide open at your service whenever demanded ???

I think its been mentioned already, but let me say one more time, you just wanted a glorified kajer bua.

Let me go deeper:

Originally Posted by Crisis
Pretty BD girls start getting booked when they are 21/22. You have no chance of marrying a pretty girl unless you find the rare one who wants to get married at that age.

So you are justifying marrying a underaged or barely legal girl because all the pretty girls are get booked by 21/22. Or is that something your parents feed into your head that you can't marry girls beyond that age simply cuz they might have a impure blood which was mixed by sleeping around with other guys ??

Originally Posted by Crisis
I was shocked to learn that many Muslim BD girls/guys in relationships have intimate physical contact with their bf/gf. It's best to AVOID any girl who has had a relationship.

Since when any girl in Bangladesh were dying to marry you ?? I thought you are the one who came to Bangladesh to look for a wife, not the other way around.
By the way, you really sure you prospective bride never have had a relationship with anyone before ?
You have absolute surety ?

Originally Posted by Crisis
Girls don't want to move abroad with you, even if they can lead better lives. They are happy living their crap Dhakaiya life but at least they have their chouddo gushti around them. Don't be disheartened when a girl or her family refuses you because of this. Their thinking is very boxed."

You were very disappointed, weren't you ?? You thought your 'phoren" passport will be good enough to get some hot young chick from BD. But they weren't. You were scared sh*tless that your days of Mrs Palm and her five daughters were only getting prolonged.

Originally Posted by Crisis
Even if a girl is not pretty, her expectations are too high. She wants a Shahrukh Khan lookalike even if she herself looks like Moushumi!"

Certainly, you are not exactly Brad Pitt either, are you ?? Why expect Angelina Jolie then ??
Oh, by the way, have you seen Moushumi lately ??

Originally Posted by Crisis
This is one very important lesson I have learnt : Pretty girls are only meant to be looked at or to be dated, they are not shonsharik material. You cannot marry them and expect to settle down with them.

Stop staring and drooling at girls from distance. They dont like it, its not hot.
Ofcourse you are not going to marry them, cuz you are never gonna get one.
You need your mommy and daddy to go to Bangladesh and fix you up with a underprivileged half educated underage girl for you.
That is your only chance to get laid, ever.

Originally Posted by Crisis
Love marriages are ruining our country. According to a lawyer friend, he goes through plenty of divorce cases every month where the couple had a love marriage but are splitting only after 2-3 years and are not at all friendly towards each other anymore.

So, you never had girlfriend, right ? Thought so.
Sour grapes.

Originally Posted by Crisis
Girls are becoming too career minded. They are thinking career career and their own kids get looked after by a bua/dadi/nani for the whole day

You mean girls who went to school and college and are looking forward to work and have other ambitions in life than to be your own child bearing factory who pops one out end of each year ? Free govt money isn't it ?
Inspiration comes from home, may be you never got that.

Originally Posted by Crisis
To sum up, if you are a Muslim BD guy living abroad and want to marry a Muslim girl from BD, good luck! You are better off marrying a BD girl in your own foreign country.

But but, you still got a girl from BD to marry you, right ??
So, why discourage others ??

By the way, how old are you ?

These are all my opinions which I got from reading your post. They could all be very wrong and misconceptions about you. Surely one post doesn't define who you are, so please correct me or enlighten me if I am mistaken. My regrets in advance if I got this all wrong about you.

[Zunaid]

RabZ, I am not worthy.

[Jadukor]

epic post Rabz!

[Isnaad]

Rabz bhai, remember this post of yours; #18,888. It's worth.

[Dilscoop]

For last 10 min I was trying to find that sound effect they make when a point is nailed. No luck...

[mac]

Epic thread! I will send this thread's link to my cousins and friends when they will be approached by a foreign passport so that she makes a cautious move. They can simply ask some questions and get the over all idea about that person, thanks to this thread.

[BengaliPagol]

Originally Posted by Crisis
So, just - I was shocked to learn that many Muslim BD girls/guys in relationships have intimate physical contact with their bf/gf. It's best to AVOID any girl who has had a relationship.

This is becoming a more common trait amongst Muslims in other countries besides BD.

[al Furqaan]

Originally Posted by deshprem
that's pretty interesting. where's your community?

So what does that say about the bengali guys? that they lack the qualities that shada guys have? pretty disappointing if they have to fish in other territories to get what they want.

I can understand it though, here in sydney, I meet such talented, intelligent, humble, and classy girls, none of which are bengali girls. they're all ignorant, westernized too much, and think each of them are princesses and that guys should line up for them. it's funny because if you ask the same people what they have to offer in return, there's no answer.

even in sydney, bengali girls n guys are marrying into other races, even at age <21. Don't they have anything better to do?

I can see some sense in what Crisis is saying lol. The guy's just frustrated at their demands when there's some doubt to what they can offer in return. fair enough i'd say.

Originally Posted by Banglatiger84
An interesting observation Asad Bhai; would you say the "community", covers all sorts of US-based Bangladeshis, as in, do girls from Masjid-going/halaqa attending families marry outside as well, or is it generally the more liberal ones who do so?

Of course race shouldnt be a factor, but religion is. And whether someone really converts or not isnt a big deal unless of course 25 years later if your kids marry into their family or vice versa

I suppose there is no more harm done in me naming my community since given our location tab and people referring to me by name, my cover is blown in case some uncle stumbles upon this thread...

At any rate, to answer DP bhai's questions...what does it say about Bengali guys? I'm not sure, being a "Bengali guy" myself...however based on what my sisters and their friends say, there aren't enough "eligible" bengali guys, not just in our city/state but in the US. Key word being enough. And this is a serious issue, I worry about my sisters, being the older brother and all. Of course eligible means different things to different people. My sisters' + their friends' complaint is that all the Bengali/Muslim/desi guys are either "obsessed with sports" or "super dorky". There aren't enough guys who appreciate art, like "indie" music, or would choose to go a museum over the game, or aren't obsessed with computers or cars who are also practicing moderate muslims.

BT bhai, to answer your questions...my particular community is small-ish being from one of the smaller cities in the US. It pales in comparison to the massive community of say NYC which, by estimates I have heard, is home to 100,000 Bangladeshis in the five boroughs alone. Majority of our community, and almost everyone we interact with are what you would call "sheekhkhito" folks...doctors, professors, engineers, IT folks, etc. Everyone is middle class, 1-2 families are working class, and 2-3 families are upper class. About a quarter of the uncles regularly show up to jummah, with half of those having no qualms about attending cultural programs like Shadhinota Dibosh or Bongo Mela or Pohela Boishki celebrations. The other half of the quarter are more strict and avoid those programs and only attend the Eid/Iftar parties. Of course all types show up to the large dawats. There aren't any uncles that drink - at least not openly - and we don't have anyone who openly criticizes religion or authority. There are of course a few tablighi uncles as well.

The kids are a different matter. Several of my friends drink, smoke weed, and are active on the dating scene. Ever since high school, we've heard stories of a few of the girls being caught making out with white guys at the mall and sleeping around. Hardly surprising unless you're a parent. My mother was just telling me that several of the aunties were engaging in "bola boli" because two of my friends have started bringing their white girlfriends to weddings and other large gatherings.

So far, since the year 2000...there have been at least 12 weddings of kids in our community. 7 girls, 4 boys, and now I can't even remember who the 12th person is, lol. The girls have married, a Korean, a Moroccan, three white Americans, and two Bangladeshis. The white fellows all converted, and the Korean by most accounts did NOT. Of the boys, 2 married Bangladeshi (but one Urdu speaking), 1 married Pakistani Ismaili who did not convert, and one married white American (presumably converted, but not sure).

Why are we seeing this? That I think is simple, we spend most of our time around non Bangladeshis and so its expected that this will happen. The second thing is that I think most kids are either disillusioned with the traditional "arranged biye" or might be so rebellious/liberal that they absolutely refuse. Another thing is that our parents don't really encourage boys and girls to mix - I doubt that would change the statistics by much anyways, but they also don't look to arrange matches with people from the community, they look far away. And there aren't many who would entertain the idea of trying to get to know someone long distance who you've never met, when you're already seriously dating the white kid you met in sophomore lit.

Previously I thought it might have something to do with the fact that maybe its because Bengalis are, generally speaking, not that attractive. But that theory went out the window because one of the prettiest Bengali girls I ever seen married the most average looking, dorky white guy. And he doesn't even have any money. So clearly there is more than meets the eyes going on.

[deshprem]

Man this marriage issue is a tough gig. Thanks for the info al furqaan bhai

[BengalT]

crisis bhia, you should have gone to sylhet for marriage, enough pretty girls and clean. recently one of my cousin got married in sylhet his from dubai, took atleast 3 months to find a bride. its either issues with bride/groom side. if anyone is looking to get married please visit Sylhet, nice and pretty girls there and very respectful, I am just promoting, good for Sylhet Economy

[Blah]

Originally Posted by BengalT
crisis bhia, you should have gone to sylhet for marriage, enough pretty girls and clean. recently one of my cousin got married in sylhet his from dubai, took atleast 3 months to find a bride. its either issues with bride/groom side. if anyone is looking to get married please visit Sylhet, nice and pretty girls there and very respectful, I am just promoting, good for Sylhet Economy

For some reason this reminds me of how everyone talks about getting a good deal on kurbanir goru during eid...

[Dilscoop]

I didn't know all the white guys preferred museum over games, Indie music, also moderate Muslims. I guess they totally got us.

[Crisis]

Seeing how I got ridiculed left and right , I have asked a MOD to delete the thread. Last time I open a non cricket related thread here.

[Dilscoop]

^ Yeeeeeah, no. This staying here. If it bothers you you can edit your own post. We've spent time here. Mods can't delete our valuable time just like that.