Your Ideal attraction

[cricket_pagol]

The most baffling part of this thread is the near universal dislike of Atheist women.

I have never met an atheist women, but I have many atheist friends and I get along fine with them. In fact, I tend to see that the average atheist is a more moral person than the average religious person. This is just my observation.

I feel the caricature that Atheist people are evil/bad is kinda unfair... But, I don't blame you guys because if you don't know a atheist personally, then it is easy to believe the propaganda that is out there.

[shaad]

Originally Posted by mona
Well it doesn't exactly take an engineer to figure out that I was joking. Or does it o_O? (Kidding!) Nay, it was more than a joke. I got all Brick Lane with the village thing, but who doesn't know of some Bangy guy who's gone to study overseas, sees all the wild Western girls, wants some of the action (without the STIs and the shame) so he grabs a sometimes very young girl from the city who hasn't even finished high school and whisks her away to his land of promise as soon as he can/she finishes high school? These poor girls have a semblance of a choice I guess, which makes them more fortunate(?) than their rural sisters. They're so young, and they agree to the marriage without really knowing the guy. It makes me sad.

Actually, I don't know any Bengali lad who did that -- went abroad, and then came back to whisk off and marry some village girl just out of high school. That's not to say that it doesn't happen -- there have been news stories about this in the British press. But at least in the States, and among my peers or Bangladeshis that I know, I haven't seen this. It makes me wonder if this phenomenon is really as common as some people suggest, something more urban legendish (as in knowing someone who claims to know someone who did that), or (sadly) a reflection of the social strata or circles that we tend to stay/be comfortable in.

[shaad]

Originally Posted by cricket_pagol
The most baffling part of this thread is the near universal dislike of Atheist women.

I have never met an atheist women, but I have many atheist friends and I get along fine with them. In fact, I tend to see that the average atheist is a more moral person than the average religious person. This is just my observation.

I feel the caricature that Atheist people are evil/bad is kinda unfair... But, I don't blame you guys because if you don't know a atheist personally, then it is easy to believe the propaganda that is out there.

C_P, while there are perhaps three members who specifically mention not being attracted to atheists, I think you'll find more posts in this thread that don't list being religious/agnostic/atheist as a criterion. As such, I'd be more likely to conclude that there's no such universal dislike on this thread, and that perhaps for many folk here religion, or lack thereof, in a partner isn't such a big deal.

[AsifTheManRahman]

Originally Posted by shaad
As such, I'd be more likely to conclude that there's no such universal dislike on this thread, and that perhaps for many folk here religion, or lack thereof, in a partner isn't such a big deal.

Q.E.D indeed.

I dated an atheist woman and there wasn't any difference. Neither did I see any in other atheists. Not that I was expecting there to be a difference and neither was I expecting there not to be any. "Morality levels", like all other personality traits, come down to the individual, independent of race, religion and culture.

[bujhee kom]

Truly, my ideal attraction is my dear beloved, ever kind and ever beautiful wife. All other women in the world are like my amma or a young child/daughter to me.

[cricket_pagol]

Originally Posted by shaad
C_P, while there are perhaps three members who specifically mention not being attracted to atheists, I think you'll find more posts in this thread that don't list being religious/agnostic/atheist as a criterion. As such, I'd be more likely to conclude that there's no such universal dislike on this thread, and that perhaps for many folk here religion, or lack thereof, in a partner isn't such a big deal.

Shaad bhai, i agree with you partially... especially i should not used the word universal. I counted five people directly or indirectly mentioned that atheism is a problem while three person explicitly said religion is not an issue. And, the rest had very short descriptions, so i did not count them. Based on this, I think it is fair to say that religion is a big deal among the people who posted in this forum. To me this it not surprising at all, because I know very few bangladeshis who has married someone from another religion.

For my case, I am open to a partner from any religion, but if I marry a muslim girl, it will be easier for my family go along with it and that will be in the back of my mind when i make the decision.

[shaad]

C_P, I'm not disagreeing with you, but when you mention knowing very few Bangladeshis who married people from different faiths, are you talking about Bangladeshis in Bangladesh or abroad? True, most Bangladeshis back home are married to members of the same faith, but over half of my Bangladeshi friends in the States are married to people of different or no religion.

[Sohel]

My first wife Elizabeth was Unitarian Christian of Anglo-Lakota-Cheyenne-Swedish American heritage when I met her. She converted to Islam on her own a few months into our relationship, and continues to be a religious Muslim following the Maliki Madhab in LA where she lives now. Our marriage lasted 5 years and religion definitely made the events leading up to our eventual divorce more amicable, but wasn't enough to save the marriage.

Clara, my second, was Agnostic from a Korean American Unitarian Christian family. That lasted for 5 years and we parted ways because she refused to move to Bangladesh.

My third and fourth wives were Bangladeshis. One of them pretty much an atheist and the other a recovering Wahabi. Not having GOD in their lives led to unacceptable behavior on occasion and no doubt my responses to that. Each one lasted 2 years, more or less.

Religion can help but obviously isn't the only factor. I prefer Theocentricity nurtured and cultivated through a Way, mentioned a number of faiths in my original post, rather than egocentricity simply because in my experience, that can create better chances for a sustainable relationship with me in it. No exclusivism or value judgment at all ...

[shaad]

Sohel, no worries brother, I wasn't making any value judgements either; just suggesting to C_P that perhaps he might have been reading more anti-atheism into this thread than was warranted. In the end, we fall in love with whom we fall in love, and neither predefined criteria, nor post hoc analysis can do anything about it, na?

[Sohel]

^Absolutely!

[Kabir]

Sohel bhai course complete korse.

Sorry, just friendly guta guti...mind koiren na.

[Zeeshan]

Sohel bhai is my hero.

[Bond]

Originally Posted by ZeeshanM
Sohel bhai is my hero.

Sohel bhai, kichu tips den amader? I bow down to you, you are legend

[Ajfar]

bond bhaijan ami cigarette wali pochondo koren?? aieta aie prothom shunlam. karon jante pare.

[mona]

Originally Posted by shaad
... or (sadly) a reflection of the social strata or circles that we tend to stay/be comfortable in.

I think that may be the reason why you haven't seen any such marriages Shaad bhai. If two of my very own cousins hadn't done it, I wouldn't have made the observation. Might I add that both of these cousins aren't exactly at the height of education and/or wealth.

[Bancan]

bewbs

[Sohel]

Originally Posted by Kabir
Sorry, just friendly guta guti...mind koiren na.

LOL, no offense taken K.

As far as "tips" go, my experiences would suggest the following:

1) Know yourself and be totally honest about your strengths and limitations.

2) Be honest with your partner and put forth your best effort on being a civilizing source of "Sakhina" or inner tranquility for each other.

3) Be kind and always try to be better than you normally are, ESPECIALLY under tough circumstances. Always put yourself in your partner's shoes and treat her/him the way you wish to be treated.

4) Communicate honestly without being rude or offensive.

5) Do not marry because you feel sorry for yourself or your partner.

[Hatebreed]

Originally Posted by shaad
Actually, I don't know any Bengali lad who did that -- went abroad, and then came back to whisk off and marry some village girl just out of high school. That's not to say that it doesn't happen -- there have been news stories about this in the British press. But at least in the States, and among my peers or Bangladeshis that I know, I haven't seen this. It makes me wonder if this phenomenon is really as common as some people suggest, something more urban legendish (as in knowing someone who claims to know someone who did that), or (sadly) a reflection of the social strata or circles that we tend to stay/be comfortable in.

I wouldn't call it a common phenomenon for high school finishers in 'urban areas', which is what I believe Mona was referring to, but I know it's fairly common in rural areas. I am assuming you don't hear about it in the States because you don't live in an area with a high migration rate of Bangladeshis, which probably makes it less likely for you to make that observation. But I can tell you that it does happen here in the UK and it's just as common the other way around where British-Bangladeshi girls often get married off to freshies from BD, just like it happened to one of my close friends.

[Nafi]

Originally Posted by Hatebreed
British-Bangladeshi girls often get married off to freshies from BD, just like it happened to one of my close friends.

And she went along with it

[Hatebreed]

Originally Posted by Nafi
And she went along with it

She went along with it because she was very religious and didn't want to disobey her parents. It's a shame because she was an extremely intelligent student with so much potential.

[Bond]

Originally Posted by Sohel NR
LOL, no offense taken K.

As far as "tips" go, my experiences would suggest the following:

1) Know yourself and be totally honest about your strengths and limitations.

2) Be honest with your partner and put forth your best effort on being a civilizing source of "Sakhina" or inner tranquility for each other.

3) Be kind and always try to be better than you normally are, ESPECIALLY under tough circumstances. Always put yourself in your partner's shoes and treat her/him the way you wish to be treated.

4) Communicate honestly without being rude or offensive.

5) Do not marry because you feel sorry for yourself or your partner.

Boss thanks for all the tips. You are a living legend. I will change my favorite player to Sohel Nr

[ialbd]

Originally Posted by Hatebreed
She went along with it because she was very religious and didn't want to disobey her parents. It's a shame because she was an extremely intelligent student with so much potential.

dont know much about the immigrant families living in north america or uk, but are you saying there is a big possibility that her career/potential is ruined cuz of all the ranna-bati/bachha poyda she has to go through now (just like it happens in BD)??

[shaad]

mona and Hatebreed, thanks for the info.

[goru]

Originally Posted by Hatebreed
She went along with it because she was very religious and didn't want to disobey her parents. It's a shame because she was an extremely intelligent student with so much potential.

So true... 'cause all of us "freshies" from BD just want some slave girl to do our cooking and cleaning and all.

[Hatebreed]

Originally Posted by ialbd
dont know much about the immigrant families living in north america or uk, but are you saying there is a big possibility that her career/potential is ruined cuz of all the ranna-bati/bachha poyda she has to go through now (just like it happens in BD)??

Yes I would say that. She could be studying at Oxford or Cambridge if her parents let her flourish instead of forcing her into a marriage with an immigrant but that's all hypothetical now. She made her choice, like a lot of girls from strict families do and that's that.

Originally Posted by goru
So true... 'cause all of us "freshies" from BD just want some slave girl to do our cooking and cleaning and all.

And rubbing your feet, getting your beer (or paan) and so on.