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FIFA World Cup Soccer 2006 (Archive) Biggest sporting event in the world. This is time for the sky high excitement.

 
 
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  #151  
Old June 22, 2006, 04:03 PM
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lucky assis scored the 2nd one from clear offside....
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  #152  
Old June 22, 2006, 04:26 PM
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The kangaroos were denied of a penalty, so they are unlucky too.
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  #153  
Old June 22, 2006, 04:48 PM
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Well Done socceroooooooo's.

Congrats!!!!
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  #154  
Old June 22, 2006, 05:22 PM
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the refeering was simply horrible.....this is the worst refereeing i have ever seen...

viduka was grabbed and pulled down soon after the first goal in the penalty area, the ref just ignored it....
the croatian number 3 got like 3 yellows in the match and he is still playing.......

our biggest opponents is not croatia, italy or brazil, but the FIFA refs...everytime the soccrooos go onto the field, the ref and thier yellows are bigger worry these days than opponent strikers.......and i dont blame kewell for mouthing off at the refs....if i were him, i would spare my voice and nail a punch in the nazi refs face...

i hope FIFA does something about this......their bull$hit refereeing nearly put australia out of world cup not once but twice...in the match against japan, aussies had to bloody spend the entire game trying to equalise the goal that never should have happened in first place.....had viduka been given the penalty for that horrendous tackle, would probably have 3-2 score.......and as far as i am concerned, a hard working team like australia doesnt deserve this unjust treatment...

IMO, it looks like all the refs have packed to togather to put australia out of world cup...
  #155  
Old June 22, 2006, 05:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_man
IMO, it looks like all the refs have packed to togather to put australia out of world cup...
Look man, I'll admit the referee had a bad game but you have to get it out of your head that everyone is against Australia...
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  #156  
Old June 22, 2006, 08:39 PM
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aussies deserved this win but they will face much harder opposition
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  #157  
Old June 22, 2006, 10:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulw11
Look man, I'll admit the referee had a bad game but you have to get it out of your head that everyone is against Australia...
i didnt say everyone is against australia, what i said was that refs decisions seem to go against australia all the time starting from game 1 against japan....

i dont have to go into details but if you have watched all the australia matches, you would know what i am talking about......particularly the match against brazil where australia had 21 fouls compared to brazils 7....a

so therefore i think i have a very good reason to complain about ref's anti-australian stance...

this game agianst croatia left me disgusted.....World cup refereeing has sunk to its lowest level.....i reckon our referees from our local club matches (abahoni nd mohamaddan) can do a better job than these damned idiots...

australia my have survived against croatia and japan, but as we go up the ladder our opponents are are mostly from rank 1-8......so i dont see how we can survive this WC if this nonsense continues to stay on...

Last edited by tiger_man; June 22, 2006 at 11:15 PM..
  #158  
Old June 22, 2006, 11:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by akabir77
lucky assis scored the 2nd one from clear offside....
that wasnt a very "clear" offside....it was only picked up after slow motion replay of the goal...

but regardless, considering the number of decision that went against australia and the number of missed opportunities, (we should have had 2 penalty for that tackle on viduka), it was time we deserved that goal... offside or not....

speaking of fairness, i dont think the game is was any fairer to australia for the past 2 games.....so i dont see why croatia should cry an offside goal when they got some benefit of refs bulllying of socceroos...
  #159  
Old June 23, 2006, 12:02 AM
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I thought Australia does play a little rough. The refs have tarnished this world cup a little bit and some of the decisions have favored the stronger sides.

On the other hand, that was one mean (very late and looked intentional) tackle by the Aussie defender on Ronaldo the other day. It left a mark on Ronaldo's calf muscle. It's stupid (and dangerous) plays like those that make the refs do what they do.
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  #160  
Old June 23, 2006, 12:23 AM
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Australia through to Knockout stage after thrilling draw against Croatia!!!

What a game!! I'm still trying to recover from my jangled nerves and aching heart. I wanted us to win so bad! Especially after "kalamity Kalac" 's miss and the referee's continuous blunders throughout teh match, I felt we deserved to win.

We are a real chance to upset Italy. Watch out, the Socceroos are on the prowel!!!!!
  #161  
Old June 23, 2006, 01:37 AM
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On one hand I agree that Australia have suffered poor refereeing decisions on at least 3-4 occasions this WOrld Cu

On theother hand some Aussie players arre extremly rough and just jump into challenges oblivious of whether someones leg will break or not.
  #162  
Old June 23, 2006, 02:10 AM
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Just as I thought, only, I wanted Adriano to be in place of Ronaldo. it had been disappointing from Perihra not to play Juninho. He had been in such a great form and he should be playing in place of slow Emarson. Inclusion of Robinho proved how effective he is and the combination. I believe it would be more lethal if Adriano plays along side Robinho instead of Ronaldo. Althoguh, the fat lazy striker did score twice, but. agaisnt any good defence, he wont be able to do so. Japan defender were simply awful not been able to mark the slowest striker of the world. This is wont happen with other team. So, my choice is still Adriano. Perihra should really be more open minded towards Adriano. I believ, he is the best striker in Brazil at the moment.

Gilberto should play in place of Cafu. With older players, Brazil has the most inefficient and slowest defence in the world. Cicinho and Gilberto should play. Unfortunately, Brazil doesnt have have any more better Center backs. Lucio is simply, crazy and awful. Both the defenders played almost at the half line and t they did so.. even when they dont have the pace to cover back in right time. It was truely shocking. This defence is pretty much similar liek 98. I am realyl worried abt that.
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  #163  
Old June 23, 2006, 02:52 AM
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olee ole ole
ozi ozi ozi

Wow !! what a game...
Go Socceroos
Go King Kewell

Australia thorougly deserves to win that match against Croatia... even though we couldnt be more happy with a draw itself.. he he

By far the WORST referring i hv ever seen in my entire life...
2 penalites not given, and a world's first... 3 YELLOW CARDS to a Croatian player..
well..what u expect out of a pommy referre but to make a blunder ... i bet that guy has officiated his last wc game...

Dream come true !!
Congrat boys ....
Now bring it on ITALIA!! we are not scared anymore... we can take the whole world..

Good Day for GUUS as well.. bonus of AUD 800,000 !!! ( approx USD 632,000)

Come this tuesday morning, we will rewrite history ... again...

In Guus We Trust
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  #164  
Old June 23, 2006, 06:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Banglatiger84
On one hand I agree that Australia have suffered poor refereeing decisions on at least 3-4 occasions this WOrld Cu

On theother hand some Aussie players arre extremly rough and just jump into challenges oblivious of whether someones leg will break or not.
when australia does a rough tackle, they get dealt with appropiately....why do you think they got so many yellows already???

..but when others do that against australia, it somehow becomes acceptable in referees view...
  #165  
Old June 23, 2006, 06:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney
olee ole ole
ozi ozi ozi

Wow !! what a game...
Go Socceroos
Go King Kewell

Australia thorougly deserves to win that match against Croatia... even though we couldnt be more happy with a draw itself.. he he

By far the WORST referring i hv ever seen in my entire life...
2 penalites not given, and a world's first... 3 YELLOW CARDS to a Croatian player..
well..what u expect out of a pommy referre but to make a blunder ... i bet that guy has officiated his last wc game...

Dream come true !!
Congrat boys ....
Now bring it on ITALIA!! we are not scared anymore... we can take the whole world..

Good Day for GUUS as well.. bonus of AUD 800,000 !!! ( approx USD 632,000)

Come this tuesday morning, we will rewrite history ... again...

In Guus We Trust
while i share your sentiments whole heartedly, i wouldnt get very excited if i were you..

there is a big difference between japan, croatia and italy....

if we do the same poor start as we had done earlier matches and cop a goal or two in the first half....getting back wont be easy, especially when almost half the team has yellows...
  #166  
Old June 23, 2006, 08:51 AM
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Reborn Ronaldo equals record
From Shigemi Sato in Dortmund
June 23, 2006

Japan 1 Brazil 4
RONALDO grabbed two goals to equal German Gerd Mueller's World Cup scoring record as champion Brazil romped to a Group F win today (AEST).


Ronaldo ... back in the scoring groove. Pic: The Associated Press

The win completed an unbeaten group record and a last 16 meeting with rank outsider Ghana.

Ronaldo was all smiles after showing he is by no means over the hill with two predatory finishes.

"The record wasn't my main goal. I just wanted to be there for the team," he said.

"I have been very patient. If you don't have that you can't keep progressing. You have to keep working and not lose heart," said the 29-year-old, who added that the support of his family "has carried me through the bad times".

The samba stars reacted in style after Keiji Tamada smashed home Japan's opener, against the run of play, after 34 minutes.

Ronaldo nodded the champion level seconds before the break to move ahead of Pele in the goal stakes.

A Juninho piledriver and Gilberto's neat finish within 15 minutes of the restart and a neat Ronaldo swivel and shot wrapped up the romp.

Coach Carlos Alberto Parreira said Brazil showned just what it can do.

"I am very happy with the result and the manner in which it was achieved. Today, we played our game, passing the ball around. We deserve to top the group. And Ronaldo is getting better and better. He is a very special player."

With Brazil legend Zico in its coaching hotseat Japan, needing a win to have any hope of advancing, refused to buckle under early pressure but fell away badly in the second half.

"We didn't lose out on qualification tonight but against Australia in the first game," said Zico.

"We conceded a goal just before the break. Overall, I think we did as much as we could today."

Pele congratulated Ronaldo on his achievement.

"It was good he got off the mark right on half-time. That will have been a weight off his shoulders," he said.

"We played a lot better in the second half as the Japanese held back and maybe showed too much respect," added the three-time champion.

Ronaldo, criticised for sluggish showings in the narrow wins over Croatia and Australia, almost broke his tournament duck twice early on as he finally began to look like the man whose eight goals, including two in the final, won Brazil the title four years ago in Japan.

Japan keeper Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi was a busy man as he got a hand to a low drive after Ronaldo motored past two defenders before letting fly, the enthusiasm clearly coursing through the Real Madrid striker's veins once more.

Kawaguchi then made another brilliant stop, tipping over a fierce 23rd-minute effort by Juninho.

But then came a majestic finish from Tamada as Japan sighted a repeat of its "miracle," 1-0 win over Brazil in the first round of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

Tamada lashed home left-footed past stunned keeper Dida when Brazil-born Alex flipped a nonchalant through ball to him.

The watching Pele slumped in his seat while Zico leapt off the bench, his hands aloft, as his decision to drop goal-shy strikers Naohiro Takahara and Atsushi Yanagisawa for Tamada and newcomer Seiichiro Maki, and bring in Juniichi Inamoto for midfield player Takashi Fukunishi, seemed set to pay off.

With six points in the bag Brazil felt able to ring the changes, classy Lyon midfield player Juninho starting as Parreira rested yellow-carded captain Cafu and Emerson, as well as defender Roberto Carlos and striker Adriano.

Ronaldo nodded Brazil level after clubmate Cicinho headed on a Ronaldinho cross just as referee Eric Poulat prepared to blow for half-time.

Juninho's blockbuster and then a crisp left-footer from Gilberto on the hour allowed Parreira to send on Ricardinho and Ze Roberto for Ronaldinho and Kaka in the closing stages before Ronaldo claimed his second goal to draw level with 1974 champion Muller.


JAPAN 1 (Tamada 33)
BRAZIL 4 (Ronaldo 45, 81, Juninho 53, Gilberto 59)
REFEREE: Eric Poulat (France)
CROWD: 65,000 in Dortmund


Reuters
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  #167  
Old June 23, 2006, 08:57 AM
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Kewell puts Roos through

By Toby Forage
Fox Sports editor
June 23, 2006


Croatia 2 Australia 2
HARRY Kewell scored the most important goal of his life this morning to ensure Australia drew 2-2 with Croatia and made the second round of the World Cup for the first time in its history.



Kewell ... what a moment. Pic: Getty Images

Video:Fans go nuts in Circular Quay
FoxBlog: Too much heart-attack material
Schwarzer: Guus explains baffling change
Kewell: Harry hails his greatest goal

Kewell blasted home a close-range shot with his right foot in the 79th minute after a cross from substitute Marco Bresciano had been headed into his feet by fellow replacement John Aloisi.

The Liverpool midfield player managed to get the ball out of his feet quickly as the Croatia defence drew in, and hit it past goalkeeper Stipe Pletikosa to send Australia into delirium and a second round clash with Group E winner Italy.

Kewell's heroics will live long in the memory as Australia moves through to second round for a clash with Italy.

"That's what we wanted," Socceroos captain Mark Viduka said in the tunnel after the game.

"We knew if we kept composure we could do them some damage. We did that but then conceded another goal, and it was an uphill battle.

"But we did it.

"We threw on all the forwards to get a goal thank God Harry was in the right place at the right time, and a beautiful goal.

"We had a bit of luck on our side but I think we earned it today."

Teammate Tim Cahill, who scored twice to rescue Australia in its first Group F win against Japan, also praised Kewell.

"This is very special. Harry was very tired but he did it," Cahill said.

"We fought to the end. We are a family out there and we are very disciplined.

Whatever anyone throws at us, together we are stronger."

Everton star Cahill said the Socceroos now have nothing to lose against Italy, who they will play in Kaiserslautern - where it all started against Japan - for a place in the quarter-finals.

"We are confident. With each game we have shown what we are capable of," Cahill said.

The last 10 minutes ensured no nails survived, punctuated by Croatia peppering Australia's goal, which was so vulnerable after goalkeeper Zeljko Kalac had made an astonishing blunder to allow Croatia to take the lead for the second time on 56 minutes.

Croatia skipper Nico Kovac put in a speculative shot, scuffed it weakly, but Kalac showed no more resistance than a sheet of damp toilet paper as he somehow allowed the ball to get through him and into the back of the net.

From that point on, anything that went close to the Socceroos penalty area stopped green and gold hearts Down Under and in the Gottlieb-Daimler Stadium in Stuttgart, because there was no telling what Kalac would do next.

The AC Milan goalkeeper was a shock inclusion in the side, coach Guus Hiddink dropping Mark Schwarzer to the bench for inexplicable reasons.

Hiddink, whose reputation as a coaching and tactical genius would have surely gone down the gurgler were it not for Kewell's late strike, was no doubt a relieved man when the final whistle went.

Darjio Srna had put Croatia ahead as early as the second minute with a brilliant free-kick after Viduka had fouled his counterpart Kovac on the edge of the box.

Kalac could no nothing about that strike, leaping to his right but getting nowhere near the ball as it travelled unhindered to the top corner and into the net.

But Australia was thrown a lifeline when referee Graham Poll awarded a penalty in the 38th minute after a blatant handball from Stjepan Tomas when jumping with Tim Cahill to reach a cross.

Former skipper Craig Moore took the spot kick - current captain Viduka having missed his past two - and belted it down the middle of Pletikosa's goal as the keeper dived to his left, breathing new life into the Socceroos.

It stayed 1-1 at half-time, and Australia looked the better side as the second period got underway, but for all its industry, it created few chances.

Kewell might have scored in the 70th minute when he sent a fierce drive towards goal, but Pletikosa got a solid stop on diving to his right and the ball was cleared behind by his defenders.

Bresciano, so impressive after his introduction, caused a fair amount of havoc, and Cahill and John Aloisi almost benefited when the went for a dangerous corner delivered by the bald-headed Parma man.

But Poll blew for a free-kick as the ball was in Pletikosa's hands.

It was about the last sensible decision Poll made as he completely lost control of the game in the dying minutes. He booked Brett Emerton for a handball - his second yellow turning red and ruling him out of the Italy game.

If that decision had been lineball, his next was bizarre. He booked Australian-born Croatia defender Josip Simunic for a second time, but didn't issue the red and Simunic stayed on the field.

Before the end of the match, Simunic put in another bad challenge and was booked a third time, and Poll's short-term memory didn't fail him that time and he issued the red - after a third yellow to the defender - before mercifully blowing the final whistle.

Croatia's Dario Simic had also been sent off prior to that little drama for a second bookable offence, and Poll will have to answer to FIFA for his display of mild insanity as the game came to an end.


CROATIA 2 (Srna 2min; Kovac 56)
AUSTRALIA 2 (Moore 38 pen; Kewell 79)
Referee: Graham Poll (Eng)
Crowd: 52,000 at Gottlieb-Daimler Stadium, Stuttgart.

CROATIA: Stipe Pletikosa; Josip Simunic, Dario Simic, Stjepan Tomas (Ivan Klasnic 83); Marko Babic, Niko Kovac (captain), Igor Tudor, Darijo Srna; Nico Kranjcar (Jerko Leko 65); Ivica Olic (Luka Modric 74), Dado Prso.
AUSTRALIA: Zeljko Kalac; Scott Chipperfield (Josh Kennedy 75), Lucas Neill, Craig Moore; Jason Culina, Mile Sterjovski (Marco Bresciano 71), Vince Grella (John Aloisi 63), Brett Emerton; Tim Cahill, Harry Kewell; Mark Viduka (captain).


FOX SPORTS
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  #168  
Old June 23, 2006, 09:00 AM
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Group F
GP W D L GS GA GD P
Brazil 3 3 0 0 7 1 6 9
Australia 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 4
Croatia 3 0 2 1 2 3 -1 2
Japan 3 0 1 2 2 7 -5 1
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Old June 23, 2006, 09:07 AM
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World Cup Round of Sixteen

June 26, 2006
Fritz-Walter Stadion
Italy v Australia

June 27, 2006

Signal Iduna Park
Brazil v Ghana

Last edited by Mr-Cricket; June 24, 2006 at 03:56 AM..
  #170  
Old June 24, 2006, 03:49 AM
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Personally, I have been horrified by the standard of officiating in all Australia games, to date, in this World Cup. It started about a week before the World Cup even begun, with Japan coach Zico, and Brazil coach Carlos Periera pleading with officials to protect it's players against "overphysical" Australian players. Players of both sides also expressed concerns.

This in effect conditioned referees decisions/opinions before they even took the field. That is, instead of awarding a foul when one is commited, referees were subconsciously awarding fouls before one had even occured.

I'm not only distressed by decisions that have gone against the Australians (and there have been plenty), but the standard in general. The following are some reactions to the refereeing by other respected members of this forum. Clearly others have been affected too. I have included some extracts from Fox Sports to illustrate my frustrations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_man
the refeering was simply horrible.....this is the worst refereeing i have ever seen...

viduka was grabbed and pulled down soon after the first goal in the penalty area, the ref just ignored it....
the croatian number 3 got like 3 yellows in the match and he is still playing.......

our biggest opponents is not croatia, italy or brazil, but the FIFA refs...everytime the soccrooos go onto the field, the ref and thier yellows are bigger worry these days than opponent strikers.......and i dont blame kewell for mouthing off at the refs....if i were him, i would spare my voice and nail a punch in the nazi refs face...

i hope FIFA does something about this......their bull$hit refereeing nearly put australia out of world cup not once but twice...in the match against japan, aussies had to bloody spend the entire game trying to equalise the goal that never should have happened in first place.....had viduka been given the penalty for that horrendous tackle, would probably have 3-2 score.......and as far as i am concerned, a hard working team like australia doesnt deserve this unjust treatment...
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_man
i didnt say everyone is against australia, what i said was that refs decisions seem to go against australia all the time starting from game 1 against japan....

i dont have to go into details but if you have watched all the australia matches, you would know what i am talking about......particularly the match against brazil where australia had 21 fouls compared to brazils 7....a

so therefore i think i have a very good reason to complain about ref's anti-australian stance...

this game agianst croatia left me disgusted.....World cup refereeing has sunk to its lowest level.....i reckon our referees from our local club matches (abahoni nd mohamaddan) can do a better job than these damned idiots...

australia my have survived against croatia and japan, but as we go up the ladder our opponents are are mostly from rank 1-8......so i dont see how we can survive this WC if this nonsense continues to stay on...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tehsin
I thought Australia does play a little rough. The refs have tarnished this world cup a little bit and some of the decisions have favored the stronger sides.

On the other hand, that was one mean (very late and looked intentional) tackle by the Aussie defender on Ronaldo the other day. It left a mark on Ronaldo's calf muscle. It's stupid (and dangerous) plays like those that make the refs do what they do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Banglatiger84
On one hand I agree that Australia have suffered poor refereeing decisions on at least 3-4 occasions this World Cup.

On the other hand some Aussie players are extremly rough and just jump into challenges oblivious of whether someones leg will break or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney
By far the WORST referring i hv ever seen in my entire life...
2 penalites not given, and a world's first... 3 YELLOW CARDS to a Croatian player..
well..what u expect out of a pommy referre but to make a blunder ... i bet that guy has officiated his last wc game...
Aussies would have protested loss (extract)
From Guy Hand Oehringen, Germany
June 24, 2006

"The Socceroos have now advanced to the second round despite enduring three controversial refereeing displays at the World Cup.

First Egyptian referee Essam Abd El Fatah allowed Japan a goal when others might have called back the play for a debateable foul on goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer.

Over-officious German referee Markus Merk then hammered the Socceroos with 25 fouls to nine against Brazil before Poll plumbed new depths, waving away two possible Australia penalties prior to Simunic's card fiasco."

English referee Graham Poll's error in not sending Croatia defender Joe Simunic off automatically for a second yellow card, allowing him to remain on the field undetected for the final seven minutes of the dramatic 2-2 draw that saw Australia through to the second round, nearly had dire consequences for the Socceroos.


AAP



Poll labelled 'Three Card Thick' (extract)
June 23, 2006

IT was not only Australians ripping their hair out over referee Graham Poll's bungling display, his country's own media have torn shreds off the whistleblower.

The English premier league referee had been praised before the clash because he was expected to hand the Socceroos a "fairer" deal because of his involvement with so many of the players at club level.

However 90 minutes later his reputation had gone down the gurgler and his chances of officiating another match at the World Cup seemingly gone.

It was described "as one of the most error-strewn in the tournament's history" by The Guardian.

"The English official Graham Poll seemed to be overwhelmed by a frenetic contest that has deservedly borne Australia off to a last 16 match," it said.

"Poll will wish he could forget all about the entire night."

Among Poll's other blues were missing Viduka being manhandled in the penalty area by Simunic early in the match and Croatia defender Stjepan's Tomas's blatant handball in the second half in the penalty area.

To top his horrid display, Poll blew the final whistle just as the winning goal was going in.

Tim Cahill was already running away in celebration when the goal was ruled out.

AAP

Last edited by Mr-Cricket; June 24, 2006 at 04:07 AM..
  #171  
Old June 24, 2006, 03:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tehsin
I thought Australia does play a little rough. The refs have tarnished this world cup a little bit and some of the decisions have favored the stronger sides.

On the other hand, that was one mean (very late and looked intentional) tackle by the Aussie defender on Ronaldo the other day. It left a mark on Ronaldo's calf muscle. It's stupid (and dangerous) plays like those that make the refs do what they do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Banglatiger84
On one hand I agree that Australia have suffered poor refereeing decisions on at least 3-4 occasions this World Cup.

On the other hand some Aussie players are extremly rough and just jump into challenges oblivious of whether someones leg will break or not.
"Vince Grella has also survived after a couple of poor tackles, not least a potential leg breaker on Ronaldo in the Brazil game that might have seen him sent off on any other occasion." Fox Sports

Vince Grella is an uncomprimising, gritty but highly skilled midfielder that plays in the Serie A for Parma. Make no mistake. He is a hard-man. He is Australia's hard-man. And every team has one. No one likes them, because they are, at times, "over-physical". But make no mistake. He is no Roy Keane. He does not go out on to the field to intentionally injure opposition players. Call it what you will, dangerous, clumsy, but the tackle against Ronaldo was by no means intentional. He is not the first, and god help us, he will not be the last to commit such a foul. They are a part of the game, and more often than not, are duly punished by the referees. Poor refereeing was to blame for this tackle being left unpunished.

Last edited by Mr-Cricket; June 24, 2006 at 04:49 AM..
  #172  
Old June 26, 2006, 05:02 AM
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Guilt of the innocent
By Paul Kent
June 26, 2006

THIS was my bad dream last night. Sources within the FIFA executive revealed that Australia has no chance against Italy.

There was too much at stake. It was only two weeks ago that they discovered that it wasn't Austria in Group F but a colony of brutal brickies' labourers located somewhere south of the Cook Islands.

This, according to Japan's coach, Brazil legend Zico, was a bunch of Neanderthals, not even from Europe or South America, who would flood the pristine turf with the blood of their butchered victims.

Immediately a select band of histrionic incompetents and stooges was called in to referee these savages out of the World Cup as soon as possible.

Against Japan we had an Egyptian gentleman who allowed a goal after our goalie Mark Schwarzer had been felled so blatantly that even Barry Hall would have got a free kick.

Against Brazil we copped Fritz Nerk (Fred's German cousin), who was so biased in protecting the helpless little Brazilian choirboys that, as psychiatrists and Interpol agents tried clambering the fence to get at him, Harry Kewell was forced to give him a severe lecture.

Then, against Croatia, we had an English comedian named Graham Poll, who could have been Ronnie Barker, even though Ronnie is deceased.

Well maybe it was Ronnie, because who else could have put together an act in which the Croatians were allowed to punch the ball away better than Leo Barry, drag Mark Viduka down in the box better than any Wallaby, allow a Croatian player to shove him in the chest without issuing a card, give another Croatian three yellows cards without sending him off, and give Brett Emerton a yellow for deliberate handball after the ball had been kicked into his shoulder like a rocket from three metres away - thus ensuring that he will miss the Italy knockout round.

But none of this was good enough. Boss Sepp Blatter's stockbroker phoned in and warned him that if these hackers were allowed to roll over the Azzurri his stocks in International Gel Inc. would go through the floor.

And these hairy antipodean brutes would start poncing around their hotels like tarted-up gorillas in Versace suits and Gucci loafers and their goalie would be carrying an Ermenigildo Zegna manbag on to the pitch.

So posses of FIFA operatives were - apart from large tracts of South America where the Italians are not loved - scouring the world's nursing homes for optically-challenged and demented retired referees to put the issue beyond doubt.

The optical problems had to include a rage-inducing aversion to bright gold and the soothing effects on the damaged psyche of azure. But the cane must be left in the dressing room to avoid suspicion.

The right candidate had to be legally blind but still able to distinguish the bulky figure of Viduka, especially when he was standing and waiting to bring the ball on to his chest so he could off-load it.

There would very likely be situations when, as he was doing this, he would be under attack from behind - kneed in the kidneys, elbowed behind the ear, and kicked in the calves and Achilles tendons. Hell, there could even be chainsaws and sledgehammers involved.

The instinctive reaction should be to blow a foul. Against Viduka for illegal parking.
Also, given the Croatian precedent, any disgruntled Italian player should be allowed to lay on hands. What's a body slam or a back-breaker between friends in a crisis like this?

If, mistakenly, he blew a free kick for Australia he would just have to cop it. After all, there would be at least six former Miss Italys in the limo to the stadium - even though with his eyesight we could save on six Tongan transvestites.

On the eve of the vital contest, a meeting would be arranged with Guus Hiddink at the Socceroos' hotel bar. Guus might get a shock - the guy could be a dead ringer for the "history" character in the Nike Joga Bonito commercials.

The old guy, if he could see Guus' ear, would whisper in it that he was his greatest fan. He had been watching SBS and reading the Australian papers and knew that Mr Hiddink was the greatest genius and master tactician in the history of the world game.

Therefore he should stick to his brilliant strategies and not be put off by the odd fool back home who dared to question him.

Of course Zeljko Kalac must be retained in goal. A good soldier like Zeljko must be forgiven the odd glitch. And Schwarzer had been hogging all the penalty saves lately.

And under no circumstances must Harry Kewell be allowed to operate down the left side - that goal against Croatia from near the left post was a mere fluke.

Anybody would think that just because he was left-footed and had scored some sizzling goals in the Premier League he should be allowed to wander anywhere he liked.

Who was in charge Mr Hiddink? You are sir! Another brandy?

And, of course, known scorers such as Marco Bresciano, John Aloisi, and Josh Kennedy must not be brought on until Italy were at least 3-0 up.

And heaven forbid that Stan Lazaridis get a run and introduce some havoc down the left flank after we had gone to so much trouble to get rid of Emerton on the right.

OK, that should all be clear now, sir. Now come on say it again. You will need it on the pitch to encourage the Italians if there is an outbreak of moaning.

It's not that hard. Take out your whistle first. "Forza Italia" not "freezer Amelia". Stop your dribbling. That's for the Australian players, you old goat.


The Daily Telegraph
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  #173  
Old June 26, 2006, 05:06 AM
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Humourous little article, that.

Although you'll probably only appreciate it if your an Aussie.

Go Socceroos!!
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  #174  
Old June 26, 2006, 05:56 AM
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What a crap!.. Only an Aussie can enjoy such article. There is a limit of whining.. and the above article crosses that limit. Pathetic!!
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  #175  
Old June 26, 2006, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaj
What a crap!.. Only an Aussie can enjoy such article. There is a limit of whining.. and the above article crosses that limit. Pathetic!!
Mate, you just proved my point - that only an Aussie will appreciate the humor in the article, lol.

The writer isn't even remotely serious. He's actually taking the piss out of everyone, including our own team.

Anyways, I got a laugh out of it.
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